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TOP 100 funniest one-liners, quotes and jokes on the internet! Part 1

TOP 100 funniest one-liners, quotes and jokes on the internet! Part 1
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Chaos Quotes One man's idea of perfect order is another man's chaos. DEAN KOONTZ, Dark Rivers of the Heart War is the most readily available form of chaos. FRANK HERBERT, God Emperor of Dune Chaos is God's body. JOHN UPDIKE, Rabbit Redux Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities — the political, the religious, the educational authorities — who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing — forming in our minds — their view of reality. TIMOTHY LEARY, How to Operate Your Brain Order generally was a product of human activity. FRANK HERBERT, Chapterhouse: Dune In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance. JEANETTE WINTERSON, The World and Other Places There are men who bloom in chaos. GUILLERMO DEL TORO & CHUCK HOGAN, The Fall They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm. DOROTHY PARKER, New York World, Jan. 20, 1928

Humor of the Day During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed... ... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. "Want to go double or nothing?" <a href=" The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. "Are you okay?" "Not really," says the attorney. Love it!

Cong readies forces for big 2012 mission U.P. : North: India Today Kay Benedict | Mail Today | New Delhi, January 27, 2010 | UPDATED 10:50 IST Seeing an opportunity in the Samajwadi Party (SP) crisis in Uttar Pradesh, the Congress has drawn up plans for recovering its base in the state. It hopes the results of its efforts will show as early as in the 2012 assembly polls. The Grand Old Party which had struggled over the years for a toehold in the state, that sends 80 MPs to the Lok Sabha, has taken heart from the 2009 general elections when it cornered 22 seats in Uttar Pradesh. Those results, which came when the party had little organisational base in the state, provided the cue for the party's big plans in UP. In essence, the Congress has become the principal opposition party in the state, the one that appears to fix the Opposition agenda. All this is at the expense of the SP and BJP. In fact, the Congress appears to relish the Uttar Pradesh chief minister's barbs at Gandhi as a sign of her anxiety at his frequent forays into the state. J.

Fails Pictures | Page 1 Posted On 04/14/2014 Loading more fun... Stand by... Dynamode USB 2.0 Sound Card: Computers Frequently Bought Together Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought Product Information Product Description Product Description Do you have a Notebook, Netbook or Desktop PC and need to connect your existing Stereo Speakers or Headset and Microphone but do not have the common 3.5mm Phono Jacks available? Dynamode USB SOUND CARD 20 USBSOUNDCARD20 Dynamode What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item? 3.1 out of 5 stars Most Helpful Customer Reviews 19 of 19 people found the following review helpful Yes it's cheap which is good and it was easy to install,but that is about it, it worked for the half hour I had it plugged in, the next day it packed up and then fell apart. Was this review helpful to you? 8 of 8 people found the following review helpful 3 of 3 people found the following review helpful I got this so i could use vDJ on my lappy and have 2 channels for output(1 for speakers, 1 for cue/headphones)Works a treat! 13 of 15 people found the following review helpful Fantastic.

Alfred North Whitehead There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil. Quotes[edit] There is a quality of life which lies always beyond the mere fact of life; and when we include the quality in the fact, there is still omitted the quality of the quality. We are apt to fall into the error of thinking that the facts are simple because simplicity is the goal of our quest. In its solitariness the spirit asks, What, in the way of value, is the attainment of life? An Introduction to Mathematics (1911)[edit] The study of mathematics is apt to commence in disappointment... The Principles of Natural Knowledge (1919)[edit] Science and the Modern World (1925)[edit] It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious. Philosophy, in one of its functions, is the critic of cosmologies. The Aims of Education (1929)[edit] Process and Reality: An Essay in Cosmology (1929)[edit]

ARE YOU A REAL PILOT? from Joe Burton An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. She said, 'I'm a lesbian. The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

South Asia Masala » The importance of 2012 Uttar Pradesh assembly election Vikas Kumar The population of Uttar Pradesh (UP) is equal to that of Brazil, the fifth most populous country. It sends 80 members to the Lok Sabha and 31 members to the Rajya Sabha. Unsurprisingly, it has a decisive influence on national politics. However, the forthcoming assembly election is likely to mark the return of UP to national politics as an active player. Second, the forthcoming election will have an enormous impact on whether political parties across India will rely on good governance to win elections. Bihar is perhaps the only province where an extremely corrupt party dominated by one family and sub-caste ruled for 15 years (1990-2005) and made infrastructure and law and order conspicuous by their absence. Biharis were left with the choice between exclusive dependence on other provinces where they were electorally powerless and rejuvenation of their own province, which would in turn improve their outside option by breaking stereotypes. But who can play Nitish in UP?

Well Timed Photographs Photography Photographs taken at exactly the right moment.

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