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The Evolution of a Programmer

The Evolution of a Programmer
High School/Jr.High First year in College program Hello(input, output) begin writeln('Hello World') end. Senior year in College (defun hello (print (cons 'Hello (list 'World)))) New professional #include <stdio.h> void main(void) { char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"}; int i; for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i) printf("%s", message[i]); printf("\n"); } Seasoned professional Master Programmer Apprentice Hacker Experienced Hacker Seasoned Hacker % cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c % a.out Guru Hacker New Manager Middle Manager mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12 Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."? Senior Manager % zmail jim I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon. Chief Executive % letter letter: Command not found. % mail To: ^X ^F ^C % help mail help: Command not found. % damn! Anonymous If you enjoyed this, you might like: Related:  Funny

How to Hunt Elephants MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students. COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A: Go to Africa. EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees. DATABASE ADMINISTRATORS do not need to go out and capture elephants when they can retrieve them simply with an ad hoc query: STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) — After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic. "Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.

Just for Fun! Death by Caffeine We’ve used the very latest research to determine what’s appropriate for your body weight. See more about your daily caffeine limits. Recommendations for caffeine levels are different for aged 18 and under. The calculator is intended for use only by adults over 18. Sure are. On the result, click on the item for more detailed caffeine information. Yes. A lethal dose is based on the amount of the caffeine in your system at one time. By using this calculator you agree to our terms of use.

PolarClock « pixelbreaker PolarClock 3.0 is now available as a screen saver for Mac and Windows, and also as a dashboard widget for OSX Tiger. This release is a total rebuild from scratch using Flash CS3, Flex Builder and ActionScript 3.0. There has been a staggering amount of feedback over the past few months, all of which was very useful. There are more things to add, but there are only so many hours in the day! New Features Language Selection (28 languages so far)Text alignment (outside, centre or inside of arc)Font size 12 – 30pt24/12 hour clock modesFlipping of text when it’s in the lower half of the arc (to stop it being upside down)Guidelines behind arcsArc properties (thickness, padding, radius )A spacer Arc for padding between Date and Time ( movable to be between any arc)Continuous/Stepped motion (continuous was requested a lot, so that you can see a minute slowly stretching each second to become the next minute etc).Ordering of the arcs. A comprehensive options panel has been added, see below:

Humor - How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot Using Any Programming Language The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Ada After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. ASP.NET Find a gun, it falls apart. Assembly You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. brainfuck Just looking at the gun gives you a migrane, so forget about actually shooting it. BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. Forth Foot in yourself shoot.

If this summer's movie posters told the truth A whole host of blockbusters are on their way this summer, ready to dazzle you with dizzying marketing campaigns, flashy trailers and big-name stars. Let's cut the crap: here are the posters for the real movies. See? The truthiness will out. The Bored Ninja – Fun, Interesting, and Cool Stuff on the Internet The 10 Types of Crappy Interviewees All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP

Sony Nextep Computer Concept for 2020 by Hiromi Kiriki In 2020 We Can Wear Sony Computers On Our Wrist Our present need for internet connectivity is so profound that secondary devices like the Nextep Computer are bound to happen. Developed to be worn as a bracelet, this computer concept is constructed out of a flexible OLED touchscreen. Earmarked for the year 2020, features like a holographic projector (for screen), pull-out extra keyboard panels and social networking compatibility, make the concept plausible. Ten years from now is not too far away, so how many of you think we’d be buying such gadgets? Designer: Hiromi Kiriki What every computer science major should know Portfolio versus resume Having emerged from engineering and mathematics, computer science programs take a resume-based approach to hiring off their graduates. A resume says nothing of a programmer's ability. Every computer science major should build a portfolio. A portfolio could be as simple as a personal blog, with a post for each project or accomplishment. Contributions to open source should be linked and documented. A code portfolio allows employers to directly judge ability. GPAs and resumes do not. Professors should design course projects to impress on portfolios, and students, at the conclusion of each course, should take time to update them. Examples Technical communication Lone wolves in computer science are an endangered species. Modern computer scientists must practice persuasively and clearly communicating their ideas to non-programmers. Unfortunately, this is not something fixed with the addition of a single class (although a solid course in technical communication doesn't hurt). Java

Pokemon I Invented While I Was Drunk This is Dogerpion (but some people call him Kevin). He is a fire Pokemon!! OK, so he’s not the coolest Pokemon, but he’s reliable and caring. But he’s all of the best animals combined — part dog, part tiger, part scorpion, and he has fucking wings! This is Lindseahorse. But then she drinkks to much and then her only attacks are LYING and BEING JUDGMENTAL. Oh, tis is Jaredouche. Jaredouche is a total fukker adn i hate him. Heres Drunkevin, its the evolved form of Dogerpion. This is Bartender, and he is an asshole Pokemon. Tis is Kevinwantodye and shtso sodj mdksmf dkngsndsnf pesf jiekf nkmeskldkfk nspd ofsepkq kf, l,ls;dfm oqkl;dfa ;’ksf;’ksdlkmfdl;sf jwpeo’jsdpfjld; ngdsmlfm;ldsn kegopsfm o! Illustrations by Hallie Bateman MAIL DE UM LOUCO 10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling

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