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Steven Wright quotes

Steven Wright quotes
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The Chicken Hammer Blog Douglas Adams Quotes He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. I love deadlines. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. In the beginning the Universe was created. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear. Life... is like a grapefruit. Time is an illusion. You live and learn.

Healing the Body with Mindfulness of Breathing « Metta Refuge This excerpt from a talk by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh explains how to use mindfulness of breathing to bring loving-kindness to our dear bodies. The physical effect of this can be truly remarkable. As Thây says, “You should really love your body. You should really take care of your body. The First Exercise of Mindful Breathing My dear friends, yesterday I spoke about the first exercise proposed by the Buddha concerning mindful breathing: “Breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in; breathing out, I am aware that I am breathing out.” We should always start with our physical bodies, because our physical bodies also needs peace, harmony and rest. We should realize a true rest. Animals in the forest, every time they are wounded, know how to rest. Deep relaxation here is one of the methods of resting. The Second Exercise of Mindful Breathing The second exercise: “I breathe in, and I am aware of the length of my in-breath; breathing out, I am aware of the length of my out-breath.”

Things I Won't Work With: Dioxygen Difluoride The heater was warmed to approximately 700C. The heater block glowed a dull red color, observable with room lights turned off. The ballast tank was filled to 300 torr with oxygen, and fluorine was added until the total pressure was 901 torr. . . And yes, what happens next is just what you think happens: you run a mixture of oxygen and fluorine through a 700-degree-heating block. Well, "often" is sort of a relative term. And a hard core it is! FOOF is only stable at low temperatures; you'll never get close to RT with the stuff without it tearing itself to pieces. "Being a high energy oxidizer, dioxygen difluoride reacted vigorously with organic compounds, even at temperatures close to its melting point. And he's just getting warmed up, if that's the right phrase to use for something that detonates things at -180C (that's -300 Fahrenheit, if you only have a kitchen thermometer). Even Streng had to give up on some of the planned experiments, though (bonus dormitat Strengus?).

TM): Great quotes by comedians Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money." Meditation May Protect Your Brain | Miller-McCune Online For thousands of years, Buddhist meditators have claimed that the simple act of sitting down and following their breath while letting go of intrusive thoughts can free one from the entanglements of neurotic suffering. Now, scientists are using cutting-edge scanning technology to watch the meditating mind at work. They are finding that regular meditation has a measurable effect on a variety of brain structures related to attention — an example of what is known as neuroplasticity, where the brain physically changes in response to an intentional exercise. A team of Emory University scientists reported in early September that experienced Zen meditators were much better than control subjects at dropping extraneous thoughts and returning to the breath. The same researchers reported last year that longtime meditators don’t lose gray matter in their brains with age the way most people do, suggesting that meditation may have a neuro-protective effect. Where does all this lead?

funny quotes and motivational sayings, quotations for business, sales, management, love and speeches; free amusing and motivational quotes, pareto and other laws and rules home » amusement/stress relief » funny quotes, sayings, useful maxims funny quotes, motivational maxims, principles and rules, for training, writing, speeches, love and work - inspirational quotes are now here Quotes for training, personal development, and inspiration. These quotes below here are mainly funny as well as inspirational and motivational. Now moved to its own page, see the more serious collection of inspirational and motivational quotes for leadership, training, personal visualization, etc. Below remain some other famous quotes, funny maxims and sayings, also love quotes for writing and speeches, fun and amusement. Here are training cliches, maxims and sayings. Many of the quotations here are good training aids. Some quotes are deep and meaningful; others deeply amusing, like the alleged quotes from letters to the council. If you know the source of any of the unattributed quotes or sayings here please let me know so that acknowledgement can be given. 1. 2. 3. qui docet discit 1.

Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"Witness: "I only have one, you know." Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?" Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?" Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?" Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?" Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?" Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?" Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"

Fat Loss 101: How to Lose Fat Fast (with Free Fat Loss Diets) You can lose fat fast and forever without waking up at 5am to run on an empty stomach, without exercising 6x/week, without feeling hungry all the time or cutting your favorite foods forever and without expensive supplements. You only need 3 things to lose fat: strength training, healthy nutrition & cardio. This post will give you a simple, efficient fat loss plan so you can get your body fat to dream numbers while still have a life & eat normally. 1. Maintain Muscle. You’ll get best results doing a free weight routine of compound exercises like Squats & Deadlifts. 2. Protein. 3. Eat Less Starches. 4. Eat Breakfast. 5. Moderate Intensity. 60-70% of your max heart rate. Fat Loss Strategies. Buy Healthy Foods Only. Example Fat Loss Diets. Don’t waste your time counting calories: you won’t get fat eating unprocessed foods.

Fully Sick: Amazingly Simple Home Remedies 1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Daily Thought: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs . 64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People Wise Bread Picks People love quoting famous people. Whether the celebrity in question is a genius or not, we love a good sound byte. We've collected quotes from presidents, movie stars, philosophers, athletes, and even Paris Hilton on everybody's favorite topic: Money. (See also: How Money Can Destroy Your Dreams) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64.

10 Yoga Poses to Fight Depression and Anxiety The mind, body and spirit are all connected and when a person suffers from mild depression or anxiety, the body is out of balance. Yoga is a series of stretches that helps bring balance to the body; not just focusing on the body’s health, but also on the mind and spirit. Always consult a physician or counsellor if you are having ongoing feelings of depression or anxiety and before trying any new exercise program. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. & 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Slowly wake up the body, wiggling the toes and fingers. Focusing on breathing and practicing yoga poses can calm momentary anxiety and depression by giving the mind a peaceful focus and re-energizing the body. Sarcastic Sayings 1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21.

Mitch Hedberg Jokes Jokes cleaned up for this website. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle. I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage. Has anyone seen me on Letterman? It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo. I don't like grouper fish. I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. I've got a wallet, it's orange. I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. Cavities are made by sugar. I like cottage cheese. I'm an ice sculptor. That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker.

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