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UCB Parents Jokes &Quotes: 8 rules for dating my daughter

UCB Parents Jokes &Quotes: 8 rules for dating my daughter
This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection 8 rules for dating my daughter Copyright 1999 W. Bruce Cameron ==> Please do NOT remove the copyright from this essay! <== When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a hand that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.

http://parents.berkeley.edu/jokes/76.html

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The Banned From Walmart Letter I got this awhile ago and really enjoyed it, so enjoy! This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. How Twilight Works All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time As we all prepare to spend a long weekend enjoying Presidential Savings on mattresses and used Toyotas, we could take time to thank some of the presidents who passed bills that protect some of the freedoms your enjoy daily. Or we could spend the day celebrating the presidents who are decidedly more Action Movie Heroes than diplomats. Anyway, guess which kind of president this website decided to focus on? When the 1828 election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running. If you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic.

Nerd Paradise : How to Write a 20 Page Research Paper in Under a Day Posted on: 10 Cado 7:0 - 5.27.29 So you've procrastinated again. You told yourself you wouldn't do this 2 months ago when your professor assigned you this. But you procrastinated anyway. Shame on you. It's due in a few hours. The Problem With Social Networks "Social Networks" like Facebook are booming -- especially Facebook. There's only one problem with them: to communicate there, members pretty much have to write. How can that be a problem? After all, all of us learned to write in school, right? Well, no! And here are some real life examples.

10 movie poster cliches (with plenty of examples) If you’ve ever felt like movie posters are all the same, you now have proof that your hunch is right, thanks to these compilations by Christophe Courtois… (You can click on the images to enlarge them.) 1. Who doesn't like a blonde joke? A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

The 12 Least Impressive Boasts in Rap Lyrics Rappers love to brag about all the fun stuff they get to do and all the cool people they get to meet. And why wouldn't they? I'm sure having hoes in every area code is way more awesome than having a mortgage on a three-bedroom home in the suburbs or whatever other mundane achievement normal people strive for. But sometimes, those boasts stray into territory that seems anything but impressive. And that's good, because I've literally made a career out of making fun of them for it. It is possible to understand Engineers - Where theres a will, theres a way. Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

Kids talk Science This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." * "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." * "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." * "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." * "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars." * "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." * "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." * "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.

Pregnancy tips for Dummies A friend of mine had this on his blog and I found it again after a few years and it still makes me chuckle. No idea who the original artist is but kudos to them. Part II over at <a rel="nofollow" href=" onclick="javascript:_gaq.push(['_trackEvent','outbound-article',' marketing</a> <a rel="nofollow" href=" onclick="javascript:_gaq.push(['_trackEvent','outbound-article',' target="_blank">ad exchange</a>

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