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5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible

5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
The image of an angel is so recognizable that you can immediately spot one if somebody makes its shape in some snow. They're sparkly people with two white wings and occasionally swords, who sit on clouds ripping out awesome harp solos while protecting humans from harm. So basically, the protagonists of the next Stephenie Meyer novel. The sex scene will be as unsettling as it is improbable. The Only Problem Is ... Now, there are angels in the Bible. *NOTE: that is a joke. There are several kinds of angels in the Bible and you've probably heard about some of them, like archangels, cherubim and seraphim. This is a seraph, trying with all its might not to burn you alive. Then there are the thrones, which are described in the Bible as "wheels within wheels," the rims of which are covered in eyes. Whatever it is, we're pretty sure it can see. Then we have the cutest order of angels, the cherubim. Actually Came From: Which apparently included "hair like a lady." Whaddya know? Related:  ChristianityHumor

Did Jesus really exist? Email Nailed: Ten Christian Myths That Show Jesus Never Existed at All Excerpt from NAILED: Ten Christian Myths That Show Jesus Never Existed At All Didn’t There Have to Have Been a Jesus? Most people have never heard of the ancient Greek mythographer Euhemerus, who first theorized that the gods of mythology were deified human beings, and their myths based on legends sprung from accounts of real people and events. Perhaps he was just a wandering teacher or an exorcist, an apocalyptic prophet or a zealot who opposed the Romans. Doesn’t it just make more sense to assume that there was a historical Jesus, even if we are unable to recover the real facts about his life and death? Christianity, like all religious movements, was born from mythmaking; and nowhere is this clearer than when we examine the context from which Jesus sprang. On the contrary, the closer we examine the official story, or rather stories, of Christianity (or Christianities!) Jesus vs.

5 Miracles Deleted From the Bible For Being Too Awesome You probably already know that the Bible you have on your lap as you fact-check Cracked articles has been heavily edited. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just that, as you can imagine, over the centuries lots of people have tried adding their own books to it, to advance an agenda or because they thought it would spice things up. The point is, there are whole other books that used to be part of the Bible, until someone took a hard look and said, "No way." And it's too bad, because some of the miracles performed in these apocryphal texts are freaking amazing. #5. John: Commander of Bed Bugs Wikipedia Early Christians considered The Acts of John to be the gospel truth, just like the Four Gospels and the fact that it's going to rain right after you get your car washed. Quinn Rooney/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images"And it came to pass that the LORD did a sick-ass back flip, and the panties did fly with the wings of a dove." #4. Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images Oh, shiiiiit. He died.

New Bible drops gender-neutral language of '05 version By Bob Smietana, The Tennessean The world's best-selling Bible is getting an upgrade. At stake are millions of dollars in publishing revenue and the trust of millions of churchgoers. Since its debut in 1978, the New International Version — known as the NIV — has been the Bible of choice for evangelicals, selling more copies than any other version. Translators hope their latest edition, which debuted online this month, will avoid a similar fate. It's available for preview at, with print versions expected in March. Wheaton College Bible scholar Doug Moo, head of the translation committee, said the group tried to create an accurate English Bible without ticking off readers. He thinks even critics will respect their work. "We really tried to get it right this time," he said. The Rev. "I felt like it spoke better to our generations," Polk said. In 2009, the NIV accounted for 28% of Bibles sold in Christian bookstores. Still, Phelan was a fan of the 2005 version. Moo disagrees.

5 Shocking Scenes You Won't Believe Are in the Bible It seems like for every person who has sat down and studied the Christian Bible cover to cover, there are several hundred who know only what they picked up from half-remembered Sunday school lessons and that Mel Gibson movie. So, as we've covered previously, many of the things we think came straight out of the Bible actually aren't mentioned in there at all. But if many of the most iconic features of Christianity aren't taking up space in the holy book, it makes one wonder just what, in fact, is in there. Well, for starters, there's ... #5. God Getting into a Wrestling Match With a Man (and Tapping Out) Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images What You Know If the Old Testament taught us anything, it's that God is one bad dude -- badder than Leroy Brown by a factor immeasurable, because He's freaking God. Digital Vision. What You Didn't Know If you're not a total novice, you know that one of the key figures early in the Bible is Jacob, aka the father of the 12 tribes of Israel. #4. #3.

Governor: Only Christians are my brothers - War Room Robert Bentley, the new Republican governor of Alabama, delivered an oddly exclusionary message on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the Birmingham News (via Political Wire) reports: ”I was elected as a Republican candidate. But once I became governor … I became the governor of all the people. I intend to live up to that. His press secretary later told the News, “He is the governor of all the people, Christians, non-Christians alike.” This is hardly the first time a Southern governor has gotten in trouble for making statements that offend non-Christians. “The United States of America is a Christian nation, which does not mean in any way to infer any kind of religious intolerance or any kind of particular dogma that that is being forced on anyone,” Fordice said. At that point, South Carolina’s Carroll Campbell stepped up to the lectern and hastily extended that point to include America’s Judeo-Christian heritage.

The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses #3. Quote from: 1 Kings 18:24,38-40 That is how they used to do religious debates back in the day. The situation was that people of Israel had taken to Baal worship, a faith that added a lot of whores to its rituals and thus gained immediate popularity. Elijah (not the one with the bears, that was Elisha) decided that the people had to choose between Baal and God. Rather than write a series of books or give a bunch of boring speeches, Elijah invited 450 Baal prophets to a contest, where both sides would set up an animal sacrifice. It's brilliant in its simplicity, and we're surprised religious debates were ever carried out any other way after that. We like to think Elijah stood in front of the howling column of heavenly fire, straightened his robes, turned to the crowd and said, "Thus, my opponent's argument falls." #2. Samson could have dominated this list if we had let him. On this particular day, the Philistines had burned Samson's wife to death, and sent some men to capture him. ...

Spiritually Unfit- FORCED to hear about Jesus from Chaplains | Rock Beyond Belief I just received this chilling letter from a Soldier who recently took the mandatory Soldier Fitness Tracker test, shared to me with permission, from the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF). The name has been withheld out of fear, but I’m assured that this matter is being worked very hard. [note: emphasis mine, and I broke it into paragraphs, as the email communication garbled the formatting.] Before I tell you, Mr. Weinstein and the MRFF of my total outrage at the U.S. Army for grading me as a “Spiritual Fitness failure”, I will tell you a few things about myself. Whoever this Soldier is, my heart and thoughts go out to him/her. If I could say just one thing to this soldier, it would be this: “Telling your story is a courageous thing to do. I think it’s time to give up the (Holy) ghost. ***Update 18 January 17:45 *** As this post went viral, there were a lot of things brought up and irrational complaints being lodged. One of the standard tactics they employ is denialism.

6 Filthy Jokes You Won't Believe Are from the Bible Statistically speaking, about 80 percent of you are either Christian or Jewish, and about 80 percent of you haven't read the Bible. That probably explains why the book has a reputation for being some nice stories about how you should stop cursing and/or masturbating. In reality, the Bible is full of unbelievably dirty stories and one-liners about dongs, butts, and so, so much poop, many of which were censored out of the English version. That's right -- people couldn't resist toning things down even when translating the freaking Bible. But when you go back to the original text, you find things like ... #6. Image Source White/Image Source/Getty Images After King Solomon's death, the kingdom of Israel made like a baby and got split in two. How's that? Hans HolbeinAn artist's representation of Rehoboam having none of that sass. Instead, Rehoboam consults with "the young men who had grown up with him" (i.e., his frat bros), who advise him on how to handle the situation: #5. #4. C.G.

Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics 29 March 2011Last updated at 06:30 By Robert Pigott BBC News religious affairs correspondent They could be the earliest Christian writing in existence, surviving almost 2,000 years in a Jordanian cave. They could, just possibly, change our understanding of how Jesus was crucified and resurrected, and how Christianity was born. A group of 70 or so "books", each with between five and 15 lead leaves bound by lead rings, was apparently discovered in a remote arid valley in northern Jordan somewhere between 2005 and 2007. A flash flood had exposed two niches inside the cave, one of them marked with a menorah or candlestick, the ancient Jewish religious symbol. A Jordanian Bedouin opened these plugs, and what he found inside might constitute extremely rare relics of early Christianity. That is certainly the view of the Jordanian government, which claims they were smuggled into Israel by another Bedouin. Jordan says it will "exert all efforts at every level" to get the relics repatriated.

8 Gratuitously Violent Horror Movie Scenes (from the Bible) We've milked the Bible before for its most badass and sexiest passages, but the good book has a dark side as well. More than just occasionally, people get killed in ways so innovative and gruesome that they could have been filmed as scenes in a slasher movie. And, as we'll show you, some have done exactly that. #8. The first rule of Hollywood slasher movies is that your movie isn't worth the price of admission without a good impaling. If you imagine the spike is much, much bigger, you have the Bible version. The Bible Quote: "Then Harbona, one of the eunuchs attending the king, said, 'A pole reaching to a height of 50 cubits stands by Haman's house. Above: The Punishment of Haman. Wait, What? Haman wasn't the only character in the Bible who got executed by impalement, or even the only one in the book of Esther. We've done our best to tastefully represent the impalement process here. What's important is that he died doing what he loved: being a bastard. #7. The Bible has that, times 12. #6.

Treaty of Tripoli - America NOT a Christian nation The Treaty of Tripoli (Treaty of Peace and Friendship between the United States of America and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary) was the first treaty concluded between the United States of America and Tripolitania, signed at Tripoli on November 4, 1796, and at Algiers (for a third-party witness) on January 3, 1797. It was submitted to the Senate by President John Adams, receiving ratification unanimously from the U.S. Senate on June 7, 1797, and signed by Adams, taking effect as the law of the land on June 10, 1797. The treaty was a routine diplomatic agreement but has attracted later attention because the English version included a clause about religion in the United States. Barbary pirates[edit] Signing and ratification[edit] The official treaty was in Arabic text, and a translated version by Consul-General Barlow was ratified by the United States on June 10, 1797. President Adams' signing statement Article 11[edit] Article 11 Article 11 reads: Art. 11. Barbary wars[edit]

5 Bible Stories Ripped Off From Greek Mythology Pretty much every story is a rip off of something else. Even the Bible. Plain writing = From the Bible. Bold = Greek Mythology. The Creation There was absolutely no world and nothing, except for God. There was nothing, it was called Chaos. God first created light. Chaos gave birth to earth and darkness to seperate the days. God created Adam and Eve as the first people to populate the world. Chaos created the god of love and sex, Eros. The Beginning The first people lived in a perfect world with no pain and no sadness, this place was called the Garden of Eden. The first people lived in a perfect world with no pain and no sadness, this was called the Golden Age. The Garden of Eden was inhabited by Adam and Eve and their millions of babies. The stories differ slightly here. Eve was created to cater to Adam and improve his life, the first Greek woman was created as punishment. The point of these stories: Women are to blame for all the human suffering in the world today. The Cleansing The successor

Why the Anti-Science Creationist Movement Is So Dangerous | Belief September 8, 2011 | Like this article? Join our email list: Stay up to date with the latest headlines via email. A few weeks ago, Jon Huntsman torpedoed his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination by making the following announcement: "To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. It's a pathetic commentary on the anti-intellectualism rampant in American politics that this is newsworthy. Huntsman is clearly trying to position himself as the moderate candidate. But opposition to climate change is something new in the Republican platform. By contrast, the Republican party's denial of evolution is much older and more grassroots in nature, dating at least to when the national parties traded places during the civil-rights era. But while fundamentalists have always been hostile to evolution, the modern creationist movement got its start in the 1960s, primarily due to the influence of an evangelical author named Henry Morris.