Christ Getting In Shape For Second Coming | The Onion - America' HEAVEN—Emerging from a grueling 90 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and light lifting for tone, Son of God Jesus Christ said Monday that He is "definitely on track" to achieve peak fitness condition for the Second Coming. The Son of God spends each morning trying to attain perfect abdominal definition. "If every eye is going to see Me, and all the tribes of earth are going to wail on account of Me, I think I owe it to them and to Myself to be in the best shape of My life," Christ said. "Right now I'm up to 35 minutes at seven [miles per hour] on the treadmill and benching about 165 [pounds]." "I'm really starting to feel like I'll have the strength and endurance to move every mountain and island from its place," Christ added. Since His birthday last Dec. 25, Christ has committed Himself to a demanding daily regimen of exercise and prophecy fulfillment.
30 reasons why we hate the French 5. Because they make love more than anyone else On average, that's 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times. 6. Because everyone believes they're great lovers But when asked about Napoleon's love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was "beaucoup le plus fort". Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits. 7. Bruce Schneier Discusses the NSA Documents Bruce Schneier, a cryptographer and author on security topics, last month took on a side gig: helping the Guardian newspaper pore through documents purloined from the U.S. National Security Agency by contractor Edward Snowden, lately of Moscow. In recent months that newspaper and other media have issued a steady stream of revelations, including the vast scale at which the NSA accesses major cloud platforms, taps calls and text messages of wireless carriers, and tries to subvert encryption. This year Schneier is also a fellow at Harvard’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society. In a conversation there with David Talbot, chief correspondent of MIT Technology Review, Schneier provided perspective on the revelations to date—and hinted that more were coming.
Special Reports | Interactives Us drones and miltant attacks in Pakistan Sort Cameron's cabinet by sex, uni and party Tell us what you would do if you were at No 10 Comment Neelie on [...] Hello, and welcome to you all. As we all reflect on what we've learned in 2011, let me share with you three things I've witnessed this year. You witnessed what you alread knew, I guess, not learnt. challenge: make art more awesome Home » Image Challenge » Make Art More Awesome[Suggest a different challenge] Make Art More Awesome(This challenge is now closed) In response to this this, open up Photoshop, take a famous (or otherwise) piece of art, and make it 'AWESOME'. Thanks to The Great Architect and Patrice Ici for the suggestion. Chaîne de TheMeanKitty Upload Subscription preferences Loading...
The NSA Can Only Spy With A Little Help From Its Feds This week the ACLU published a damning report chronicling the many ways the FBI has abused post-9/11 authorities to spy on everyday Americans. As we noted, the FBI is even enmeshed in the broad suspicionless NSA dragnet of American phone calls. One area that is especially ripe for FBI reform is its use of electronic surveillance tools. There's no two ways about it: the FBI is at the heart of the U.S. intelligence community's domestic data collection programs. The most recent example is that the FBI applies for secret court orders to compel companies to give the U.S. military's spy agency the NSA all of their customers' domestic phone records. This means the FBI helps the military, which is traditionally barred from collecting information about Americans, to get all the telephone records of almost everyone in the U.S., even if they aren't suspected of being a terrorist or a spy or in contact with someone who is.