background preloader

LOTS OF PUNS

LOTS OF PUNS
...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything." ...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... ...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face... ...These two strings walk upto a bar... ...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! ...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." ...A neutron walks into a bar. Back

http://www.cis.upenn.edu/~udani/humor/puns.html

Hurricane Recipes! This weekend was a “hurricane”! You remained calm and refused to overreact, right? False, you totally flipped your lid and bought 234 of every non-perishable item at Gristedes. First of all, you should have gone to Food Emporium, and second, what do we do with all this stuff now that the hurricane AND the MTV VMAs are over? Let me Martha Stewart you through some delectable adventures in using up the rest of all your refrigeration-defying snacks. 1. What Is Globalization? - Global One TV - StumbleUpon Finally, a definition of globalization that one can understand and to which we now can relate: Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Tragically, Princess Diana’s death. Question: Why?

Working Model of Stephensons STEAM ENGINE made of GLASS ! Rare! Video - StumbleUpon Log in High-Tech: Software, Hardware, and More Cynthia Yildirim Working Model of Stephenson's STEAM ENGINE made of GLASS ! friendship "It's by chance we met, by choice we became friends." "I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft - "You asked me once what I would remember – this and much more."

Everybody Jump What would happen if everyone on earth stood as close to each other as they could and jumped, everyone landing on the ground at the same instant? —Thomas Bennett (and many others) This is one of the most popular questions submitted to this blog. why americans should never be allowed to travel I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."

- StumbleUpon A Thoughtful Look at Men and Women SHE DRIVES FOR A RELATIONSHIP. HE'S LOST IN THE TRANSMISSION By DAVE BARRY CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship. - StumbleUpon Jacob Aron, technology reporter (Image: Electronic Arts 2012) Video games publishers normally include a variety of copy-protection methods designed to stop pirates distributing their titles, but most games still end up available for free download on torrent sites within days of their official release. Now one developer has taken a new approach to fighting the pirates - by offering them a job. When Syndicate, a sci-fi shooter developed by Starbreeze Studios, was released this week, Reddit user MikkelManDK noticed an ".nfo" file on the game disc. This was unusual, because such files are not normally included with genuine copies of a game, but rather added by game pirates to brag about their illicit releases.

How-To: The Cascade/Waterfall Braid The waterfall braid also known as the cascade braid recently exploded as the new "trend braid" of the season. The waterfall effect looks cool and complex, but it's easier to style than you think. Give this beautiful braid a try when Beautylish takes you through the how-to! Section Off The waterfall braid works best on straight or loose waves. Brush out all the knots with a wide tooth comb.

Related:  FunnychrismorankevinmolefunnyInteresting For When BakedAmalthea - Laff'sRandumbzLOLZFun