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Funny Status Updates for Facebook & MSN

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & MSN
ID#:16 | Rating: 2175 Submitter: Doc If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony? ID#:167 | Rating: 2032 Submitter: Funny_man Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children ID#:71 | Rating: 1076 You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. ID#:168 | Rating: 873 Submitter: Lyndsey 247 Imagine there were no hypothetical situations. ID#:134 | Rating: 748 Submitter: firestarter Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a minute; set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ID#:193 | Rating: 579 Submitter: j3n A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend ID#:131 | Rating: 464 Submitter: Mitch Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't ID#:180 | Rating: 451 Submitter: ...... If your name was homework, i'de be doing you on my desk right now ID#:5 | Rating: 408 The Internet: All the piracy, none of the scurvy. ID#:178 | Rating: 340 Submitter: Ed

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LOTS OF PUNS ...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything." ...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman...

Capitalism and Cows TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Observations on Lethality... 1. The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians; 2. The French eat lots of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians; 3. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;

Creative Ways of Describing Stupid People (The GOP) Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace ismissing from his deck altogether.

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You How to Tell Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You Drawn by Matthew Inman , Founder & Designer of Mingle 2 The font used on this website is a free font called Diavlo More from Mingle 2 Browse chat rooms from Mingle 2 : Nebraska Chat Nevada Chat New Hampshire Chat New Jersey Chat New Mexico Chat New York Chat North Carolina Chat North Dakota Chat Ohio Chat Oklahoma Chat Oregon Chat Pennsylvania Chat Rhode Island Chat South Carolina Chat South Dakota Chat Tennessee Chat Texas Chat Utah Chat Vermont Chat Virginia Chat Washington Chat West Virginia Chat Wisconsin Chat Wyoming Chat Shakespeare Insult Kit Shakespeare Insult Kit Since 1996, the origin of this kit was listed as anonymous. It came to me on a piece of paper in the 90's with no attribution, and I thought it would make a cool web page.

Wild Mood Swings - Surf the web on a whim. (C) Sean McManus <p style="font-size:x-large;">Oh no! You don't have Javascript enabled. Please <a href=" Javascript now</a> or the only moods you'll experience will be boredom and frustration.</p><hr noshade> Pick your mood, click the button and Wild Mood Swings will open an appropriate website in a new window. My collection of funny emails from my inbox. Subject: 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

My World and Welcome... Funny Pages: Handy Latin Phrases Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. It's not the heat, it's the humidity. Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! God, look at the time! Wal Mart Diagnosis Wal Mart Diagnosis One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. why americans should never be allowed to travel I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

Strange Young Couple A Texas DPS Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. The OSTRICH Story A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. Lots of Jokes - Did You Know? Q. Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left? A.

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