background preloader

Instrument Jokes

Instrument Jokes
Strings Woodwinds Brass Percussion Vocal Vocalist Jokes Folk/Rock/Popular Music and Instruments General Acknowledgement These jokes are a continually-growing collection, and unfortunately, I can no longer remember which jokes I heard from whom. Strings Violin Jokes What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to. Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understand them. How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune." Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile? Both are offensive and inaccurate. Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)? Because all the assholes are in the first violin section. What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle. Viola Jokes Related:  Jokes

www.math.rutgers.edu/~lenci/jokes/chicken WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

100 Websites You Should Know and Use Entertainment Meet David Peterson, who developed Dothraki for Game of Thrones There are seven different words in Dothraki for striking another person with a sword. Among them: “hlizifikh,” a wild but powerful strike; “hrakkarikh,”a quick and accurate strike; and “gezrikh,” a fake-out or decoy strike. But you won’t find these words in George R. R. Culture My Year of TED: How 54 talks changed a life By Kylie Dunn What do you get when you cross a 39-year-old perfectionist with 54 TED Talks and far more honesty than any person probably needs to experience? Entertainment Meet David Peterson, who developed Dothraki for Game of Thrones There are seven different words in Dothraki for striking another person with a sword. Culture My Year of TED: How 54 talks changed a life By Kylie Dunn What do you get when you cross a 39-year-old perfectionist with 54 TED Talks and far more honesty than any person probably needs to experience?

Lyric Writing Exercises: a 5-Day Workshop Guest post by Maria Rainier If you’re anything like most songwriters, you’re all too familiar with that frustrating sensation of being stuck in a rut. You know it’s important to write something – anything – every day, but there are times when that just seems impossible. Maybe you don’t have enough energy, you might be too critical of your first attempts, or you could be missing out on the muse. Whatever the reason, you can still get your daily writing done in a productive way if you introduce new exercises into your routine. Day 1: Research Mix & Match The first step is to give yourself something interesting to work with. Day 2: Collaborative Brainstorming Contact a friend by chat or email. Day 3: Titles & Nuggets Using what you’ve written from the previous two exercises (or relying on your notebook), construct some potential song titles. Day 4: Songwriting Surgery Now, pick a popular song that appeals to you and completely rewrite the lyrics. Day 5: Open Season Related Articles

Sound Types FindSounds Search the Web for Sounds What types of sounds can be found on the Web using FindSounds? Below is a partial list. Click on any link below to perform a search, or enter one or more words in the search box above and then click on the Search button. Animal Sounds alligator, baboon, bat, bear, bobcat, buffalo, bullfrog, camel, cat, cheetah, chimpanzee, chinchilla, chipmunk, cougar, cow, coyote, crocodile, deer, dinosaur, dog, dolphin, donkey, elephant, elk, ferret, fox, frog, gibbon, goat, gorilla, grizzly bear, guinea pig, hippo, horse, hyena, jaguar, kitten, lamb, lemur, leopard, lion, llama, marmot, monkey, moose, mouse, orca, panda, panther, pig, polar bear, prairie dog, puppy, rabbit, raccoon, rat, rattlesnake, rhinoceros, rodent, sea lion, seal, sheep, snake, squirrel, sugar glider, tiger, toad, whale, wolf, zebra Insect Sounds bee, cicada, cricket, insects, katydid, mosquito, wasp

zZounds.com - Musical Instruments Music Store. Shop for Guitars, Drums, Amplifiers and Equipment. Tablet full of crude jokes and riddles about beer is found - dating from the time of the biblical Exodus By Rob Waugh Updated: 16:52 GMT, 27 January 2012 Crude jokes, beer and a hearty disregard for politicians were part of life in ancient Mesopotamia - 3,500 years ago. A newly translated tablet from the area of present-day Iraq runs through a series of riddles which show that even in 1,500BC, people liked a puzzle. Modern audiences, though, should not expect to have their sides split - or indeed to solve any of the riddles, which are rather tricky (the riddles and their solutions are below). Cuneiform script as seen in a clay tablet, found at Tell-El-Amarna, Egypt: The location of the tablet of riddles is not known, and the study authors worked from a transcription from 1976. The museum it was in was looted during the 2003 Iraq war 'In your mouth and your teeth (or urine). Answer: Beer. 'The tower is high, but it has no shade.' Answer: Light. He gouged out the eye. Answer: A governor - the joke here could be that a governor is portrayed as executioner. Answer: Auxiliary forces.

Why Nikola Tesla was the greatest geek who ever lived Additional notes from the author: If you want to learn more about Tesla, I highly recommend reading Tesla: Man Out of Time Also, this Badass of the week by Ben Thompson is what originally inspired me to write a comic about Tesla. Ben's also got a book out which is packed full of awesome. There's an old movie from the 80s on Netflix Instant Queue right now about Tesla: The Secret of Nikola Tesla. It's corny and full of bad acting, but it paints a fairly accurate depiction of his life. The drunk history of Tesla is quite awesome, too. History.com has a great article about Edison and how his douchebaggery had a chokehold on American cinema.

The Mozart Effect® - Books, music, resources and more!® Guitar History Before the development of the electric guitar and the use of synthetic materials, a guitar was defined as being an instrument having "a long, fretted neck, flat wooden soundboard, ribs, and a flat back, most often with incurved sides".[1] The term is used to refer to a number of chordophones that were developed and used across Europe, beginning in the 12th century and, later, in the Americas.[2] A 3,300-year-old stone carving of a Hittite bard playing a stringed instrument is the oldest iconographic representation of a chordophone.[3] The term guitar is descended from the Latin word cithara but the modern guitar itself is generally not believed to have descended from the Roman instrument. Many influences are cited as antecedents to the modern guitar. A guitarra latina (left) and a guitarra morisca (right), Spain, 13th century Types Guitars can be divided into two broad categories, acoustic and electric: Acoustic guitars Renaissance and Baroque guitars Classical guitars Flamenco guitars

April Fools' Day 2011 - Internet April Fools' Jokes It’s April Fools’ Day, and you know what that means: All of your favorite tech companies, geek brands, and publications have poured inordinate amounts of time and effort into messing with you. But do you want to be momentarily fooled by their messings-with, or, what’s worse, not see them at all as you browse the Internet today? No, of course not. ThinkGeek First off, everyone’s favorite geeky niche retailer is back with a slew of new must-have products that don’t actually exist, including the Playmobil Apple Store Playset (pictured above), Angry Birds Pork Rinds, and a Minecraft USB Desktop Nether Portal. The Googleplex This year, Google has done like a million April Fools’ jokes, some cleverer than others. Meanwhile, YouTube is showcasing the top viral pictures of 1911: And Chrome has rolled out Chromercise! Bonus: Google search for Helvetica: Google’s fonts team has been hard at work. Blizzard In-game screenshot: Just don’t call him “crab Clippy.” xkcd Doesn’t look too strange, does it?

Wind Map An invisible, ancient source of energy surrounds us—energy that powered the first explorations of the world, and that may be a key to the future. This map shows you the delicate tracery of wind flowing over the US. The wind map is a personal art project, not associated with any company. If the map is missing or seems slow, we recommend the latest Chrome browser. Surface wind data comes from the National Digital Forecast Database. If you're looking for a weather map, or just want more detail on the weather today, see these more traditional maps of temperature and wind.

Google's MP3 Player Google’s MP3 Player Google has a nice little MP3 player you can use on your site, as Amit Agarwal found out by digging through Gmail code. Just append the URL of an MP3 file to " Below I've included a link to a podcast using Google's MP3 wrapper in a simple Iframe... and now you have streaming capabilities and a Google Video-like interface with a progress bar and sound adjustments. You can also replace above podcast with an MP3 URL of your choice: >> More posts Advertisement This site unofficially covers Google™ and more with some rights reserved.

LOTS OF PUNS ...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. ...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... ...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face... ...These two strings walk upto a bar... ...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! ...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." ...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop..." ...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. ...A neutron walks into a bar. ...Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" ...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?" Back

Related: