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Instrument Jokes

Instrument Jokes
Strings Woodwinds Brass Percussion Vocal Vocalist Jokes Folk/Rock/Popular Music and Instruments General Acknowledgement These jokes are a continually-growing collection, and unfortunately, I can no longer remember which jokes I heard from whom. Strings Violin Jokes What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to. Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understand them. How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune." Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile? Both are offensive and inaccurate. Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)? Because all the assholes are in the first violin section. What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle. Viola Jokes

http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/

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www.math.rutgers.edu/~lenci/jokes/chicken WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Dear blank, please blank. Dear world, It is best not to dwell on dreams. Sincerely, just live them. Dear "socially awkward" girls in my class, How Music REALLY Works!, Chapter 6: How Chords and Chord Progressions REALLY Work 6.12.1 Modulation: The Soul of the Western Tonal System 6.12.2 Near vs Remote Modulation 6.12.3 Relative Key Modulation

Tablet full of crude jokes and riddles about beer is found - dating from the time of the biblical Exodus By Rob Waugh Updated: 16:52 GMT, 27 January 2012 Crude jokes, beer and a hearty disregard for politicians were part of life in ancient Mesopotamia - 3,500 years ago. A newly translated tablet from the area of present-day Iraq runs through a series of riddles which show that even in 1,500BC, people liked a puzzle. Modern audiences, though, should not expect to have their sides split - or indeed to solve any of the riddles, which are rather tricky (the riddles and their solutions are below). Cuneiform script as seen in a clay tablet, found at Tell-El-Amarna, Egypt: The location of the tablet of riddles is not known, and the study authors worked from a transcription from 1976. The museum it was in was looted during the 2003 Iraq war

TWO LITTLE BOYS from Joe Burton Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. April Fools' Day 2011 - Internet April Fools' Jokes It’s April Fools’ Day, and you know what that means: All of your favorite tech companies, geek brands, and publications have poured inordinate amounts of time and effort into messing with you. But do you want to be momentarily fooled by their messings-with, or, what’s worse, not see them at all as you browse the Internet today? No, of course not.

Suitcase Stickers Take a stand against monotonous travel with Suitcase Stickers. Designed to stick to anything, they will draw attention to your bag making it easily identifiable and sure to make you some new friends. Caution: Some of these stickers may cause offense to airport and immigration staff. But you would have figured that out whilst enjoying those cavity searches. Buy here. Jazclass - Jazz Theory 20 : OTHER CHORDS Rhythm Class - In Focus - Learn to Read Music - Jazclass Links (Down - Top - Links) JT 20.1 - Major and minor 6th Chords The major 6th chord is a major triad with the 6th (note of the major scale) added. The major 69 chord is a major triad with the 6th and 9th added.(A 9th is the same note as a 2nd but one octave higher.)

LOTS OF PUNS ...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.

Free Drum Samples ( 10,000 Free Drum Sounds ) Here are a collection of links that will provide you with over 10,000 drum samples and drum kits. You will find drum kits from your favorite music producers like DJ Premier, Dr. Dre, 9th Wonder, Kanye West and more. Please share this post and follow us to show support. New free downloads added weekly. Get our free newsletter. Pregnancy tips for Dummies A friend of mine had this on his blog and I found it again after a few years and it still makes me chuckle. No idea who the original artist is but kudos to them. Part II over at

History of Classical Music - Claude Debussy Claude Debussy was born in St German-en-Laye and was encouraged to take up music at an early age. He entered the Paris Conservatoire at the age of ten, and quickly learned to play a considerable repertoire of very difficult piano works. However, he abandoned his planned career as a virtuoso pianist when he joined the Conservatoire's composition class in 1880 and won the coveted Prix de Rome competition twice. He travelled extensively in these early years, visiting Italy, Vienna, and Russia. He also spent two unhappy years studying in Rome. He was known as a moody, unsociable youth who found it difficult to endure the company of strangers even temporarily.

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