In Discipline Row, Skipper of USNS Mercy Keelhauled. SAN DIEGO, CA — In a harsh and stunning display of martial discipline, Navy officials have reported that in response to numerous disciplinary infractions aboard the hospital ship USNS Mercy, they had not only relieved the ship’s commander, but also had him keelhauled.
“My actions have greatly shamed and discredited the Navy and were prejudicial to good order and discipline,” Capt. Donald Otis monotonously recited at his sentencing. After Dempsey's Son Uses Computer, DoD Issues Directive: 'I SUCK WEENER' THE PENTAGON – Many service members were scratching their heads Monday after receiving a cryptic new directive from the office of Gen.
Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Coincidentally, Dempsey’s teenage son Corey, currently grounded and without car keys after receiving a D in Poli Sci, visited his father’s office the same morning. According to sources, the rebellious youth took the opportunity of his father visiting the restroom to check his email on the general’s workstation. Study Finds Every Girl In The 504th Military Police Battalion Is Obviously A Lesbian Whore.
FORT LEWIS, WA — A new Army study conducted by Specialist Lance Thompson, an 11B infantryman and amateur female sociologist serving in the 4th Stryker Brigade Combat Team, has determined that every girl in the 504th Military Police Battalion is obviously a lesbian whore.
His study, conducted through exhaustive research and on-site observation of the women, was completed last Friday night after his latest field experiment at Jack’s Pub in downtown Tacoma, Wash. Thompson, a balding 37-year-old 5 foot, 2 inch divorcee with severe acne, explained the scientifically precise methods used for observation during the course of his year-long study. “I’d watch these sluts get all dressed up in their rooms. Semper Pink: Gay Marines Protest Possibility Of Female Infantry. SAN FRANCISCO — The premier advocacy organization for gay infantry Marines released a statement today condemning the Marine Corps’ plan to open up the Infantry Officers Course to female volunteers.
The San Francisco-based group Semper Pink called the plan “an affront to the traditional Spartan values which we cherish as Marines.” The group also said that female grunts “will damage the closeness, intimacy, and brotherhood that comes with infantry life.” In mid-April the Marine Corps announced plans to open up an indeterminate number of slots at its Infantry Officers Course in Quantico to female volunteers.
In addition, the Marine Corps is developing physical fitness tests to establish gender-neutral standards for grunts. Previously, women were only allowed to serve in non-combat roles. Petty Argument Between Petty Officers Leads to Unrest, Aircraft Carrier Being Disabled. UNITED ARAB EMIRATES — An argument between two enlisted crew from the aircraft carrier USS Dwight D.
Eisenhower has sparked fierce division and actual violence among sailors, forcing the ship into emergency port call for repairs. Another Scandal Wreaks Havoc On Marine Sniper Community. CAMP PENDLETON — The Marine Corps Scout/Sniper community has taken a massive amount of criticism over some recent high profile incidents in Afghanistan.
In January, a video surfaced on YouTube showing members of a sniper platoon urinating on the bodies of dead Taliban fighters. Then a platoon photo was obtained which showed another group of snipers, holding a flag bearing a resemblance to the Nazi SS symbol. The media picked up both stories and hammered at the snipers, even as the Pentagon launched investigations and forced military members through mandatory urination remediation training. At one brief, held at Camp Pendleton, a civilian facilitator took the Marines through a Powerpoint presentation that showed different scenarios. Instructor James Nelson put together images in his slides and asked for audience participation. General Mattis Announced As Next Commandant of Marine Corps. WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial move sure to send shockwaves throughout the Corps, President Obama announced today that Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen.
Jim Amos will soon be replaced by Gen. James Mattis. Amos indicated his plans to resign early — having served only two years out of the four-year term as Commandant — saying that “he’s getting too old for this shit.” “I’m just sick of dealing with these savages in the press and in Congress. They keep asking me questions about snipers pissing on people, nazi flags, and other crap,” said Amos. Navy Captain Relieved After Collision in Mediterranean, Says ‘Not His Fault’ SAN DIEGO, CA — The captain of a Navy ship damaged during a collision in the Mediterranean has been relieved of command and is facing charges, the Navy announced Tuesday.
Investigators say that the Captain was negligent in his duties — resulting in the USS Quandry colliding with Exxon Tanker Intrepid. “It wasn’t my goddamn fault,” said Captain Williams. 75th Ranger Regiment (United States) During the War of 1812, companies of United States Rangers were raised from among the frontier settlers as part of the regular army.
Throughout the war, they patrolled the frontier from Ohio to Western Illinois on horseback and by boat. Rangers participated in many skirmishes and battles with the British and their American Indian allies. The American Civil War included Rangers such as John Singleton Mosby who was the most famous Confederate Ranger during the Civil War. Ranger School. The United States Army Ranger School is an intense 61-day combat leadership course oriented toward small-unit tactics.
The course is conducted in various locations. Training in the Benning Phase occurs in and around Camp Rogers and Camp Darby at Fort Benning, Georgia. Training at the Mountain Phase is conducted at Camp Merrill, in the remote mountains near Dahlonega, Georgia. The Florida Phase is conducted at various locations near Camp Rudder, Eglin Air Force Base, Florida. Drunken Okinawan Assaults Marine, Passes Out On Barracks Floor. CAMP PENDLETON, CA – Military police arrested a Japanese citizen from the island of Okinawa Sunday, on suspicion of trespassing, assault, and disorderly conduct, among other charges.
This is the eighth instance of a drunken Okinawan causing trouble at the Marine Corps base just this year. There were 112 incidents recorded last year at Pendleton involving Okinawan citizens, with charges mostly stemming from drunk and disorderly conduct, speeding, trespassing, or indecent exposure. The thirty-seven year old man has been identified as Masahiko Yoma of Naha. Military police say that Yoma was found passed out drunk inside the barracks room of Lance Corporal Phillip Ester at Camp San Mateo on the northern end of the base. 115th Mobile Abortion Detachment Provides Crucial Support At Kandahar.
KANDAHAR AIR FIELD, AFGHANISTAN – While some of the hardest jobs on deployment fall on the men and women of the medical profession, the job of Lt. Packs of Wild Gays Terrorizing Families At Fort Bragg. Air Force Holds Bake Sale to Buy Bomber. WASHINGTON, DC – With the Air Force facing a series of combined wartime and sequestration budget cuts totaling over $14 billion, Air Force Chief of Staff Mark Welsh III outlined to reporters today the Air Force’s new procurement plan to use local bake sales to fund the purchase of aircraft. Seal Team 6 Calls ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ Inaccurate; Say They Don’t Pop Collars Or Wear Tapout Gear. VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – An anonymous Public Affairs Officer (PAO) for Seal Team Six says the movie “Zero Dark Thirty” is factually inaccurate, portraying Seal Team Six members like the douchebags from Seal Team Two.
“At one point Joel Edgarton’s character wears a polo shirt with a popped collar,” the PAO said. “Team Six doesn’t do that. We’re the baddest motherfuckers on the planet. We don’t wear shit like Tapout shirts, Ed Hardy jeans, or fedoras. Paper Links Nerve Agents in ’91 Gulf War and Ailments. Few female Marines step forward for infantry. Fire the Generals! Not All That It Can Be - By Winslow Wheeler. Bill Moyers: Honoring a Fallen Soldier’s Plea.
Foot soldiers march their way into new Air Sea Battle concept. Why is Georgia Secretly Giving Student Test Scores to Military Recruiters? How Resilient Is Post-9/11 America? This Week At War: The Pentagon Doesn't Have the Right Stuff - By Robert Haddick. Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, may have shed some light on a corner of America's grand strategy -- the real version that officials don't usually talk about in public. During a media roundtable at the U.S. embassy in London on August 30, a reporter asked Dempsey whether he would get advanced warning from the Israeli military, should Israeli leaders decide to attack Iran's nuclear facilities. The modern US army: unfit for service?