Donald Trump Has Kept Promise To Make America Grate Again. As President Donald Trump stumbles from disaster to disaster to disaster, through initial inactivity over the Coronavirus, overactivity in prescribing its miraculous bleaching agent 'cure', and heavy-handed reactivity in his recent 'mob dispersal techniques', it's fair to say that he has kept his long-held promise to 'Make America Grate Again'.
Report: Best Indicator Of Kickass Party Still Pizza Spinning On Turntable. PHOENIX—Based on a $3-million multi-decade study, a report released Wednesday by sociologists at Arizona State University found that the best indicator of a kickass party was still a pizza spinning on a turntable.
“A stale, greasy pizza revolving on a turntable in place of a vinyl record remains the gold standard of what separates an average social gathering from an absolute fucking rager,” said Dr. Isaiah Banks, adding that for a house party to qualify as “totally killer,” it must include a 9-1 beer-to-person ratio, a mattress floating in a swimming pool, and at least three bras strewn across a chandelier. Exclusive Invention: Chopping Board Games. You like your chopping board?
Good for chopping up carrots, right? But what about board games – we bet you love a bit of Monopoly, yes? Learn to speak Whale. Exclusive Invention: The Frog Machine (better than fog machines) Exclusive Invention: Thimble Dryer (a tumble dryer for thimbles) Are you utterly fed up of your thimble collection remaining wet and obnoxious?
Do you awake each morning and announce: “Golly gosh, I do wish I didn’t have to dry my thimbles again this morning after dribbling all over them whilst unconscious drunk last night. If only there was a contraption available to make this process a tad easier!” Rest assured. FAQs: What is the banana, why is it yellow, and is it dangerous? – Professional Moron. Ah, the banana.
The truth is, not many know much about these curved, but elongated, yellow globules. Exclusive Santa Column: Quantitive & Qualitative Product Delineation (Plus a Clogged Toilet) – Professional Moron. Great, here we go.
Another one of these Santa columns. For the record, we truly regret ever “reaching out” to this guy and offering him the chance to contribute to our website. But… well, there’s nothing we can do about it now. Santa is here to stay. Just remember, at least a good 65.4% of his views probably do not represent those of Professional Moron. Quantitive & Qualitative Product Delineation Our head of brand, Siegfried, has indicated the 10 hottest products Santa will need to focus on this Christmas. FAQs: What is Soup, is it a Drink, or a Foodstuff? – Professional Moron. Soup is one of those things you know little about but take for granted like the swine you are.
Which Country Has the Best Flag? Clash / audio experiment / message. Meghan Markle proves she's mastered waving. Man who left Facebook never heard of again. Vimrod. Funny people are more intelligent than their po-faced peers. Albert Einstein attributed his brilliant mind to having a child-like sense of humour.
Indeed, a number of studies have found an association between humour and intelligence. Researchers in Austria recently discovered that funny people, particularly those who enjoy dark humour, have higher IQs than their less funny peers. They argue that it takes both cognitive and emotional ability to process and produce humour.
Their analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence, and they score lower in mood disturbance and aggressiveness. Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark. Report: Majority Of Time In Pool Spent Urging Others To Enter Pool. NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Far outstripping the amount of time dedicated to swimming or games, a report released Wednesday by researchers at Rutgers University found that the average person in a pool spends the vast majority of their time urging others to enter as well.
“Across demographic groups, we found that an individual will typically spend 80 percent of their time in a pool engaged in various efforts to coax others into joining them in the water,” read the report, noting that roughly half that time is dedicated to making the case that entering the pool will be “fun” or “refreshing” and about a third is allocated toward playful commands or taunts such as “Come on,” “Stop being a baby,” or simply “Just get in already.” Lord Birthday (@lord_birthday)
Home - The Rochdale Herald. New-Age Bullshit Generator. Just click and the truth will manifest Click the Reionize electrons button at the top of the page to generate a full page of New Age poppycock.
The inspiration for this idea came from watching philosophy debates involving Deepak Chopra. I wrote a blog post about it if you're interested. After sitting through hours of New Age rhetoric, I decided to have a crack at writing code to generate it automatically and speed things up a bit. UK question: the smell of the Underground.
The Idler. Plot Generator. Alice Lowe. Whoever Found hitchBOT Brought Him to Meet Kevin Smith Last Night. List of Funny Simpsons Stores/Companies. Comics, Quizzes, and Stories - The Oatmeal. Candy hearts. Candy Heart Message Sign Generator - i like you. Humorist Bruce Jay Friedman Is One Lonely Guy—as Anyone Can Plainly See. 404 Error Pages. The Daily Mash. 35 Astounding And Uplifting Facts About The Universe. The Grand Budapest Hotel (The Republic of Zubrowka, Hungary) - Hotel Reviews.
New-Age Bullshit Generator. Praire Home Companion Shows. According to Math, the Worst Color Shirt to Wear on Star Trek Is Actually Yellow. It’s a well known maxim that nobody wants to be a redshirt on Star Trek: The Original Series. The proud members of Operations, Engineering, and Security are the space-expendables, the first line of defense, the… well the ones who always get sent down with the away party full of more important characters and get murdered by the space monster of the week. The Null Device. The results of Eurovision 2014 are in, and, as reported here, the big winner was Austria's Conchita Wurst, a bearded drag performer, with a resolute and melodramatic torch song titled Rise Like A Phoenix. Wurst (whose real name is Tom Neuwirth) won a runaway victory, with 290 points and a string of 12s, including ones from countries who might otherwise haver found a bearded drag performer too transgressive. The runner-up was the Netherlands, 52 points behind with a rather nice piece of slow-burning Americana. 2014 was arguably the most geopolitically charged Eurovision Song Contest in years, if not decades; the kitschy music equivalent of the World Chess Championship of 1972, in that, within its formalised, tightly circumscribed arena, the tensions of an active geopolitical fault line manifested themselves.
Giraffes and Elephants Are Friends Collection #1. Such Weather. Press Office - Charlie and Lola press pack characters. Funk Slogans from The Advertising Slogan Generator. Web > web economy bullshit generator. Corporate B.S. Generator. Toothpaste For Dinner: Daily comics by Drew. VM8246 – Vimrod. Welcome. This site is no longer being updated! YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS OF MY JETPACK. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Political Comedy - Fake News.
Official Site. The Onion - America's Finest News Source.