background preloader

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes
Related:  quotes

20 Best Homer Simpson Quotes On Parenting | Likeablequotes Blog Arguably the world’s most recognizable American family is the Simpson’s. With nearly 500 episodes and 22 seasons, they continue to fill our Sunday evenings with joy. Most of us gather round the TV with our own family and laugh at all the hysterical antics of theirs. Being the patriarch that he is, Homer has laid forth quite a bit of knowledge on family and raising children. 20.) 19.) 18.) 17.) 16.) 15.) 14.) 13.) 12.) 11.) 10.) 9.) 8.) 7.) 6.) 5.) 4.) 3.) 2.) 1.) 25 Great Motivational Quotes You've Never Heard Of inShare66 63Probably my most read post ever was the 20 Greatest Motivational Quotes of All Time. So much so that I expanded the post and wrote a book with the 50 greatest quotes in that is now sent free to my new newsletter subscribers. Sign up in the box on the left if you want a copy. As I was trawling some quotes the other day it struck me how many amazing ones there were that I’d never heard before and I thought it would be cool to collate the best for your perusal. Now of course I realize that you may well have heard of one or two, but I genuinely hadn’t (except one), so please don’t give me a hard time or point out that you knew 18 out of 20 and thus I’m a philistine and deserve a damn good thrashing. 1. Too many people when coming under attack crumble when instead they could view that attack/criticism as a way to grow and mature and come back stronger. 2. You know that, right? 3. This may almost seem anti-motivational, but it really isn’t. 3b. Yes, yes and thrice I say yes. 4. 5. 6.

Funny Anti Jokes What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. We’ve just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn’t make the original cut (like comments) but they’ll be back soon. NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Want more? quotes.txt from clarkson.edu - StumbleUpon Beware of your thoughts, they become your words. Beware of your words, they become your actions. Beware of your actions, they become your habits. Beware of your habits, they become your character. Help Remedies I don't know what the back of my head looks like I don't know who wrote Poor Richard's Almanack/what time it is I need to buy a gift for someone I don't know which fork to use I don't want to clean up my mess I can't chew gum because I have braces I want to buy help®'s products I want my cat to be a cover model I don't know if I am depressed/colorblind I am worried about my penis size I don't know what to do for my birthday I want to learn another language I want to buy help® elsewhere I want to buy help® shirts I don't know what soda to drink Although I appreciate your sharing this webpage with your friends, family, and co-workers via social networks, I would appreciate it even more if you shared this webpage with my ex girlfriend who broke up with me because she thought I was a loser who was never really going to amount to anything. Send email helpineedhelp.com this page a requestreturn to share

Quote by Rosemary Urquico: "Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who... - StumbleUpon Wisdom in few words: best motivational quotes Throughout last couple of years I’ve been collecting my personal favorite quotations from various inspirational people in my Evernote. As a result I got quite a long list of sayings which I personally consider to be one of the smartest, wittiest, daring and positive at the same time. Moscow, 2008. So, I thought why not to share them with you? Assuming I have a lot in common with my readers, you might enjoy them too. “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi“Life isn’t about finding yourself. “Interviews I conducted with more than 70 CEOs and other leaders point to 5 essentials for success — qualities that most of those C.E.O.’s share and look for in people they hire. “Pause now to ask yourself the following question: “Am I dreaming or awake, right now?” “The key to your happiness is to own your slippers, own who you are, own how you look, own your family, own the talents you have, and own the ones you don’t.

Mitch Hedberg Jokes Jokes cleaned up for this website. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle. I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage. Has anyone seen me on Letterman? It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo. I don't like grouper fish. I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. I've got a wallet, it's orange. I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. Cavities are made by sugar. I like cottage cheese. I'm an ice sculptor. I tried to throw a yo-yo away. I rented a car.

25 Quotes on Humor Humor really is our saving grace, and it helps keep us psychologically healthy. 25 Quotes on Humor - Part 2 can be found here: Part 2 "Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It's the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one's fellow human beings." - Maya Angelou "A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better." - Barbara Walters "He who laughs, lasts." - Mary Pettibone Poole "A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing." - Laura Ingalls Wilder "There is nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face." - Eva Hoffman "Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. "A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. "It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously." - Oscar Wilde "When humor goes, there goes civilization." - Erma Bombeck Part 2 www.stephaniesarkis.com

Inspirational Quotes to Live By Good quotes are often powerful words of wisdom that inspire, educate and even motivate a person to take action. They usually share common themes such as: Positive thinking leads to positive outcomesFailure is a stepping stone to successHelp yourself by helping othersDetermination, initiative and persistence are the foundation of success And yet these lessons of life are typically condensed into 1-2 lines. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. ”An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” - M.K. 9. ”Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” - John F. 10. ”I haven’t failed. 11. ”It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” - Aristotle 12. ”It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.” - Howard Ruff 13. ”It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” - Vince Lombardi 14. ”Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” - Sun-Tzu 15. ”Logic will get you from A to B. Like what you read?

How to Detect Lies - body language, reactions, speech patterns Interesting Info -> Lying Index -> How to Detect Lies Become a Human Lie Detector (Part 1) Warning: sometimes ignorance is bliss. After gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you. The following deception detection techniques are used by police, forensic psychologists, security experts and other investigators. Introduction to Detecting Lies: This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions. This is just a basic run down of physical (body language) gestures and verbal cues that may indicate someone is being untruthful. If you got here from somewhere else, be sure to check out our Lie Detection index page for more info including new research in the field of forensic psychology. Signs of Deception: Body Language of Lies: • A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact. Bored?

25 Quotes For When You’re Feeling Stuck | Look Far photo credit: millicent_bystander Feeling stuck is never pleasant. Get moving again with the following 25 quotes. 1. Here is a rule to remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not, “This is a misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” – Marcus Aurelius 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. Have any other quotes to add? Best Quotes of All Time - StumbleUpon It’s been three years since we shared our original list of some of the best quotes of all time, and we felt it was a good time for an update. We’ve added another 25 quotes for you. But these aren’t just any quotes. These are quotes designed to inspire. I know quotes researched online often come in slightly different variations, so if you’ve heard another version of one of these, please share it with us in the comments. Here are our 25 new additions for our list of the best quotes of all time, including some submitted by our readers in response to the original list of best quotes, which you can still find below. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” – Napoleon Hill “The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.” – Mark Twain “Have the courage to say no.

Related:  For teh lolzFolder 2On the wallvikimihovaSpare time/Amazing stuffsrandom stuffjustjay507QuotesQuotesQuotesFunny