If Everyone Suddenly Didn't Care About Sex. 5 Popular Parenting Fads That Make Sense (And Screw Kids Up) Let's face it: Our kids are going to grow up to become adults who are just haphazardly winging it through their lives the best they can, just like we are now.
Still, as a society, we constantly obsess about making sure we're doing parenting right. Fads come and go, usually long before science has had a chance to really see if they, you know, actually work. Well, we do have data on some of the most popular child-rearing techniques, and we have got to say -- it doesn't look great: #5. Keeping a Marriage Together for the Kids Is ...
Wavebreakmedia Ltd/Wavebreak Media/Getty Images In today's world, where celebrities get married and divorced just to get their weekly TMZ front-page placement, marriage is far from the unmalleable institution it once was. As it turns out, yeah. 21 Money-Saving Life Hacks That Totally Work. 5 Bizarre Studying Hacks You Won't Believe Improve Learning. #2.
Not Asking Your Parents for Help on Your Homework Jupiterimages/Stockbyte/Getty Images If your parents are to be believed, they spent a good while on this Earth before they tossed their hopes and dreams into the wind in favor of feeding you and wiping your ungrateful ass. So, keeping that in mind, it makes sense that they were the first ones you turned to when you needed help with your book report on the Space Jam novelization. After all, aren't we always hearing about how the real problem with education is that parents just don't care enough to get involved?
Jacob Wackerhausen/iStock/Getty "Hurry up and get good at this. 5 Cryptic Movie Tattoos (They Didn't Think We'd Translate) #2.
Viggo Mortensen's Gangster Movie Tattoo Renders the Plot Moot In Eastern Promises, Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen) is an undercover cop posing as a tattooed driver and body disposer for the Russian mafia in London. In both the film and reality, a Russian prison tattoo is an elaborate code that tells one's entire criminal history. The film depicts Nikolai's rise from a lowly errand boy to the boss of the mob, which doesn't make a lot of sense, considering ...
What the Tattoos Really Say: ... his tattoos identify him as the boss of the mob right from the beginning, which should probably have gotten him murdered for his gall and ignorance as soon as he took his shirt off with someone else in the room. 25 Amazing Life Hacks You Won't Believe You Didn't Know. 5 Epic Sci-Fi Movies You Can Watch In Under 10 Minutes. Look, you're a busy person, I understand -- but that doesn't mean you can't make time for your passions.
And assuming your "passion" is passively consuming nerd-media, then maybe it's time to make time for some quality new science fiction. But you don't have 30 hours to burn on Alphas (which was way better than you think), or even 10 to rewatch Firefly -- you have, at most, an hour on your lunch break to cram as much dork into your skull as possible. Well, I'm here to help: Here's the best new science fiction you can consume in less time than it takes to bake a Hot Pocket (as though anybody does anything but microwave them.
Honestly, Hot Pockets, you aspire beyond your station). #5. Abe is a simple little flick by London filmmaker Rob McLellan, taking just the few intense minutes out of Silence of the Lambs where Buffalo Bill is addressing the girl in the well, but recasting the sexually infuriated psychopathic transvestite with a Robot Butler. 19 Cool Design Features Hidden On Stuff You Use Every Day. 5 Writing Exercises That Will Make You More Creative. An Example: ... will mean nothing to you here, because it would be a tangential spin-off of a supporting character from a project that you don't know even know that I'm working on.
That's like four different ways for you to not give a shit, so let's just fill this space with a man trying to kill the ground with an explosive sledgehammer. Do try to not look disappointed. Thomas Northcut/Photodisc/Getty. 6 Insane Things Science Can Predict About You at Infancy. We like to think that, for the most part, who we are is based on life experience, hard knocks and good old-fashioned attitude.
Sure, genetics plays a part, but ultimately it's your own choices that matter -- you're not "destined" to be anything. But science, as it usually does, has some surprising and kind of scary things to tell us. 5 Arguments That Parents Can't Admit Kids Are Right About. Raising kids is the best exercise in the world for strengthening the part of the brain that's responsible for not choking other humans, especially once they've started to master the double-edged sword of reason and logic.
We tend to forget that we've taught our kids since birth that fairness must be upheld at all times, and injustice must always be rectified. That moral fiber is how we keep them from becoming assholes and politicians, but it doesn't come without consequence. Especially when they use it to expose our own hypocrisy with arguments like ... #5. 4 Ways to Have More Sex Right Now! Today! I'm a man who has three speeds: lovemaking, having sex, and fucking on a moving motorcycle.
Naturally, people solicit my advice (re: sex) on a fairly regular basis. "Is there a secret to getting more sex? " people often ask me, or "I'm not having sex right now: heeeeeelp meeeee," they'll shout after the beautiful, tangled mess of two consenting adults in naked bliss atop a fully fueled and also consenting Harley-Davidson Night Rod as it speeds off in the distance, the bodies merging with both each other and the metal like the perfect union of man and machine, or like how my spec script for RoboCop 4 goes. Really convenient that Night Rod is the name of an actual motorcycle.
A Letter to Parents About the Fake 'Teen Crazes' on the News. Dear 50-year-old Me, This may seem strange, but I'm writing to offer you a little perspective and wisdom. 6 Great Ways to Remind Yourself That You're Poor. I've spoken before about the many ways that the lack of money can fuck you, and how even the slightest setback is a full-blown catastrophe to a poor person.
Regular readers know that for the last three years, I have slowly wormed my way out of the perpetually clinched asshole of poverty, only to discover that "financial security" is kind of a myth -- that life is full of extremely common situations that sneak up behind you, put a hand over your mouth and whisper, "You thought you were set. That's cute. Bend over. " And I'm not talking about your car breaking down or the babysitter calling in sick.
Most people are prepared for those. . #6. 5 Random Factors That Determine Whether You Succeed in Life. You've stayed in school, stayed off drugs and made the right friends.
5 Psychological Experiments That Prove Humanity is Doomed. Cracked.com's new book is now on sale. 6 Factors That Secretly Influence Who You Have Sex With. Statistics indicate that more and more frequently, "hookups" are turning into meaningful relationships. While that might sound like a snazzy pickup line, it actually means you might marry someone because of the color of the shirt she was wearing the night you met her. According to science, the world around you is dangerously full of hidden aphrodisiacs that can land you in bed, and even in long-term relationships, with someone who's totally wrong for you. #6.
Fear The Romantic Notion: 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person. 2017, motherfuckers. 5 Pieces of Advice Every Adult Wishes They Got as a Teenager. As an adult looking back on your teenage years, it's hard not to cringe. Not just because you (OK, I) looked like a roadie for a Poison cover band, but because that's the time in your life where every adult you speak to hands out some sort of generic life advice, and you don't realize until years later that half of everything you heard was total bullshit. It's easy to be fooled at that age because you've been taught to give weight to what adults tell you. You know, because they have more experience in life than you do. Unfortunately, since very few of the people you meet will be geniuses, or even wise, for that matter, that means you'll be accidentally trusting the words of some complete fucking idiots.
Looking back on my own teenage years, there are a few basic things I wish I had known right out of the gate. #5. 5 Pieces of Advice Every High School Graduate Should Get. Holy poop, you're only a few months away from being done with the horrifying bullshit of high school forever! You've entered the final semester, the home stretch, the ninth inning, the whatever happens at the end of a soccer game. 5 Psychology Studies Every Awkward Teenager Should Read. We've demonstrated before that, even according to science, being a teenager sucks. So one could logically assume that if being a normal teenager sucks, then being a shy teenager must be even worse. But if we ever got the chance to go back in time to visit our lonely teenage selves ... well, first off we'd deal them an epic backhanded mouthslap (butterfly effect be damned). 5 Ways High School Really Does Suck (According to Science) 5 Insignificant Things That Determine if Someone Likes You.
Anyone who has ever been unpopular, which we're thinking is approximately all of you, knows how unfair the system can seem -- it's all about looks and money and some indefinable coolness that some lucky bastards are just born with. Well, we have good news and bad news. 4 Things I Wish I'd Known as an Awkward High Schooler. 5 Things You Won't Believe Are Making You Dumber. Tell people that their diets or habits are making them fat or out of shape and they shrug -- we hear that crap every day.