The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullshit Animal Facts For those of us here at Cracked, there are basically three types of animals: ones we'd like to keep as pets, ones that taste delicious and ones we only know a couple of things about. Sometimes these categories overlap, but that's another story. Anyhow, the category we're concerning ourselves with in this article is the last one: animals that we know one, maybe two things about. Now, these are by no means obscure facts; you probably learned them when you were 10, and, as should surprise no one who has read the title, these "facts" are completely, totally wrong. Lemmings Commit Mass Suicide Why You Know This "Fact": Calling people a bunch of lemming is like calling them "sheeple." Too bad none of it is true. This rumor was probably started in the early 19th Century. Arthur Mee refused to shelter children from the harsh realities of the shit he totally made up. Still, Mee's pointless nerd book and all the myths therein would have faded into obscurity, if it wasn't for Walt Disney. St.
5 Reasons Rats Are Way Scarier Than You Think Rats are kind of creepy and gross, but they're not all that bad: They make fine test subjects, decent pets and rather excellent drug wizards. Considering all that, people with a serious rat phobia seem relatively silly -- all shrieking and gathering up their skirts atop the nearest chair in response to a measly little rodent. But it turns out that those of us who scoff at a rat sighting are essentially the randy teenagers boning right beside Crystal Lake while loudly insisting that Chad, the dashing lead, should "stop being so uptight, man! Nothing is safer than having unprotected sex right next to this machete pile!" #5. Getty It's a classic movie monster trope: No place is safe from the hellspawn. "Phew! Rats are no different: No matter how sealed up you think your dwelling is, be assured the rats will find their way in if they want to. Wikipedia"Is he gone?" Another preferred rat highway is the inside of your pipes, as small as 1.5 inches in diameter. #4. That's right. #3.
6 Insect Predators That Go Out of Their Way to Be Evil You might think of insects as gross or scary, but you probably don't think of them as evil. After all, they're too stupid for that. Insects just trundle along and eat whatever they can find; it's not like they go out of their way to be sadistic about it. Actually, upon closer examination, we're pretty sure they do. #6. Allomerus Ants Build Elaborate Torture Towers Via On-Memetics In the past, we've given you plenty of reasons to be afraid of ants: They are intelligent, organized, adaptable and probably two-thirds into their world domination plan already. Via Alain DegeanIt's basically a hundred glory holes with a mousetrap inside each. Yep, those holes are constructed to trap insect legs so that the ants can race out and slowly rip apart the victim. That is Allomerus decemarticulatus, a species of ant in the Amazon, and their elaborate trap system is possible thanks to their relationship with a certain kind of tree. Via BBC NewsAwesome, it's whack-an-eldrich-horror-from-beyond time! #5. #4.
5 Terrifying Serial Killers Who Happened to Be Animals The most dangerous animal on earth is man -- nothing you read in this article will change that. Animals kill for food and territory, and out of fear, but it takes a man to kill repeatedly, just for the fun of it. Well ... usually. As we have previously shown, the animal kingdom has its fair share of diabolical serial killers. Like ... #5. Photos.com The Time: 1957 The Place: Mysore, Near Bangalore The sloth bear of India sounds like the most harmless animal to carry the "bear" name outside of the koala. Wilfried Berns"You'd be surprised how good thin-sliced face tastes on a toasted bagel." That is precisely what the people of Nagvara Hills near Bangalore learned when a sloth bear decided to start murdering them. We're going to pause the article here so you can read that last sentence a couple more times. Possibly while picturing this. Over the course of several days, the enraged sloth bear mutilated about three dozen rural folk. Getty"A moment on the lips means a lifetime on the hips." #4. #3.
The 5 Most Horrifyingly Bad Mothers in the Animal Kingdom Moms are heroes in any species. In many, they do not only the birthing and nursing, but also the hunting and fighting and protecting. And while human mothers certainly deserve all of the flowers and phone calls they get on Mother's Day, we dare say that there are other species where motherhood is an even more trying and/or terrifying ordeal. For instance ... #5. Tasmanian Devil Moms Can't Feed 90 Percent of Their Babies (by Design) Even if you only know Tasmanian devils from the Warner Bros. cartoons, you can guess that their family life isn't a goddamned Norman Rockwell painting. Getty"I'll eat through this screen if it means getting to your delicious face meats." They get their training in animal badassery early, as their very first act of life is basically a Thunderdome death match that fewer than one in 10 will survive. And Tasmanian devils don't share for shit. Getty"GAH, MAKE THAT THREE NIPPLES." The remaining 46 starve to death within hours. #4. Yes, horses can totally do that. #3.
6 Terrifying Creatures That Keep Going After They're Dead You may have noticed that, excepting the occasional zombie apocalypse, we humans tend to function best with our nervous systems intact and our brains, limbs and major organs all connected and happily communicating with each other. Well, we feel it's our duty to inform you that not all creatures are quite so picky when it comes to the intactness of their bodies. (And it's not at all because we get a cheap kick out of giving our readers bed-pissingly horrible nightmares. Honest.) #6. Headless Snakes Can Still Kill You When faced with a venomous snake, most people's natural reaction would fall into one of three categories: fleeing, freezing on the spot or OH GOD OH GOD KILL IT CHOP OFF ITS EVIL POINTY HEAD. While the latter course of action may seem like the surefire way to avoid getting bitten, it turns out that might not be the case. If you're anything like us, cutting off a deadly snake's head is your best and only move. So, What Makes This Abomination Possible? #5. Here's what you'll get:
11 Everyday Things That Are Terrifying Under a Microscope As human beings, we go about our day-to-day lives, completely oblivious to the microscopic world around us. And that ignorance is great, because most of that microscopic world is scary as hell. Cracked has touched on some of these horrors before, but like the Leprechaun movies, the terror could not be confined to just one installment. #11. At Normal Size: Odds are there's at least one pillow lying on your bed right now, but here's a picture anyway: GettyEveryone on board so far? You rest your head on one almost every night (excepting those instances where you wake up in a daze on bloodied tile/pavement with a racketeer's jawbone in your vest pocket). But Up Close ... You couldn't be more wrong. Unseen Companions via Apartment Therapy"We're just waiting for an ear to crawl into." Those are common house dust mites. #10. Hydrothermal vent worms are so tiny that you can't see them. Oh, they're in there. FEIRun, Kevin Bacon, run! #9. Getty Your tongue is that thing sitting in your mouth right now:
5 Eerily Sophisticated Ways Animals Communicate Everyone knows that animals can communicate with one another, but they don't talk. If you hooked some language interpreter to a dog or monkey, every phrase would translate to "I'm scared!" or "I'm going to kill you!" or "Hey baby, let's have some bear sex!" It's not like animals lie, or gossip, or argue. That's what we used to think, anyway ... #5. Getty Prairie dogs are chatty little desert squirrels that live in massive underground "towns" numbering in the hundreds or thousands (and occasionally in the millions, which is big enough to have a community college and an NFL team). Getty"Whoa now, that's a pretty small package to pair with a Slayer shirt." Prairie dogs have a language so complex that they have a different "word" they can shout to identify what kind of predator is approaching, and thus have a specific noise that means "humans are coming." That's right -- the prairie dogs were actually describing each person in remarkable detail with a single chittering bark. #4. benjamint444