15 Oxymorons". An oxymoron is a combination of words that contradict each other. Here are some of our favorites. 1. virtual reality 2. original copy 3. old news 4. act naturally 5. pretty ugly 6. living dead 7. jumbo shrimp 8. rolling stop 9. constant variable 10. exact estimate 11. paid volunteers 12. civil war 13. sound of silence 14. clever fool 15. only choice Helen Davies, Marjorie Dorfman, Mary Fons, Deborah Hawkins, Martin Hintz, Linnea Lundgren, David Priess, Julia Clark Robinson, Paul Seaburn, Heidi Stevens, and Steve Theunissen.
The Truth Behind Personal Ads Jokes. Best Non-Sex Feeling Ever? Foreign Signs. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: On the menu of a Polish hotel: Kids talk Science. This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. " * "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
" * "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. " * "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. " * "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars. " * "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. " * "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. " * "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. Man Knowledge #1,887. Killer_Biscuits_.JPG (349×480) Haiku error messages. Six Advantages to Not Having Any Money — Almost Frugal. Facebook rant EPIC WIN. 11 Awesomely Incorrect Test Answers from Kids from You're Doing It Right. Cheating. Cookies by Douglas Adams.
English. Untitled. Eight Absurd Texts That Make You Wish Your Mom Didn’t Have An iPhone. Dad’s Birthday Surprise Mom Always Knew Mom Discovers Internet Lingo That’s No Way To Celebrate Your Anniversary What Do Dad And Mondays Have In Common? Mom Watched A Dateline About Push Pops This Is Awkward I Almost Think It’s On Purpose… Hot On The PBH Network & The Web. Mother-in-law. I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing that bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. What could I say? So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car. Facebook Changes We’d Actually Want To See. If you had a dollar for every person who posted their hatred of the new Facebook layout, you’d be able to give Mark Zuckerberg a run for his money. Okay that’s a guess, and most likely a wrong one, but you get our point. When Facebook made its most recent set of changes the Preteen Panic Meter hit “Justin Bieber Has A Girlfriend” levels, and while that demographic made the most noise (mostly high-pitched screams), we weren’t too crazy about the adjustments either.
Here are the Facebook Changes We’d Actually Want To See: What the State Motto Really should be... Water is dangerous. This was found on the newsgroup: rec.humor.funny A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide. " And for plenty of good reasons, since: it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting it is a major component in acid rain it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state accidental inhalation can kill you it contributes to erosion it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We? " 20 Biggest Idiots On Facebook. 25 Random “Sarcastic” Funny Short Letters. To whom these may concern. We are planning to make more funny sarcastic letters real soon, make sure to subscribe to ThumbPress =) Have something to say about this post? Don't be shy! LaughNet. If Men Made the Rules. Pictures - Yet another iPhone FAIL: Because Auto-Correct is the worst thing... Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child? "Witness: "I only have one, you know. " Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? "Witness: "By death. "Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated? " Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse? " The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. Lawyer: "What is your date of birth? " Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house? " Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? " Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? " Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
" Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you? " Lawyer: "Mr. Why americans should never be allowed to travel. I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii? " I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?
" Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. A nice lady just called. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who? " I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on? " AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES. LOTS OF PUNS. ...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything. " ...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... ...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face... ...These two strings walk upto a bar... ...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! ...A neutron walks into a bar. Back. - what to do in an emergency.
Hurricane Recipes! This weekend was a “hurricane”! You remained calm and refused to overreact, right? False, you totally flipped your lid and bought 234 of every non-perishable item at Gristedes. First of all, you should have gone to Food Emporium, and second, what do we do with all this stuff now that the hurricane AND the MTV VMAs are over? Let me Martha Stewart you through some delectable adventures in using up the rest of all your refrigeration-defying snacks. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 1. 2. 1. 2. 3. 1. 1. 2. 3. 3. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 1. 2. 1. 1. 1. 2. 3. Www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt. Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch. Fake iPhone Text - vUB5Q. Awkward. Nargaque.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/planning_vs_the_internet.png. George's Humour - gotta love kids. World's funniest joke. The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research.
For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes.[1] Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries. [citation needed] The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject. [citation needed] The jokes The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,[2] was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
References. An Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office | MillionFace. Or2dv.jpg from jwz.org. Dear blank, please blank. Wenn man nicht aufpasst, kann es passieren, dass man ohne es zu merken gleich mehrere Stunden auf der “Dear blank, please blank” Homepage verbringt. Wenn ich nicht so vorsichtig wär, würde ich wahrscheinlich jetzt noch dasitzen und eine lustige Kurznachricht nach der anderen lesen.
Wer von euch ausreichend Zeit hat, sollte sich die Seite nicht entgehen lassen. Es ist jedoch besser die Finger davon zu lassen, wenn man noch bei der Arbeit ist. Für diejenigen habe ich hier eine kurze Light-Version zusammengestellt: Die Karten sind hier im Etsy Shop für jeweils 4,50 Dollar erhältlich. He could be your boss one day. Headline of the year?