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Why americans should never be allowed to travel

Why americans should never be allowed to travel
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. A nice lady just called. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.

www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. True Facts Facts - interesting, provocative, well-seasoned One out of ten children in Europe are conceived on an IKEA bed. Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. When George Lucas was mixing the American Graffiti soundtrack, he numbered the reels of film starting with an R and numbered the dialog starting with a D. The youngest pope was 11 years old. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner. They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

My World and Welcome... Funny Pages: Handy Latin Phrases Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. It's not the heat, it's the humidity. Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! God, look at the time! Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est. Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? (At a barbeque) Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri? Sona si Latine loqueris. Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes If you can read this you're over-educated Vidi Vici Veni I saw, I conquered, I came Vacca foeda Stupid cow Mihi ignosce. Raptus regaliter Royally screwed Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes! Gramen artificiosum odi. Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo. Nullo metro compositum est. Non curo. Fac ut gaudeam. Visne saltare? O!

Serene McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Thirteen Writing Prompts. [Originally published May 4, 2006.] Write a scene showing a man and a woman arguing over the man’s friendship with a former girlfriend. Do not mention the girlfriend, the man, the woman, or the argument. Write a short scene set at a lake, with trees and shit. Choose your favorite historical figure and imagine if he/she had been led to greatness by the promptings of an invisible imp living behind his or her right ear. Write a story that ends with the following sentence: Debra brushed the sand from her blouse, took a last, wistful look at the now putrefying horse, and stepped into the hot-air balloon. A wasp called the tarantula hawk reproduces by paralyzing tarantulas and laying its eggs into their bodies. Imagine if your favorite character from 19th-century fiction had been born without thumbs. Write a story that begins with a man throwing handfuls of $100 bills from a speeding car, and ends with a young girl urinating into a tin bucket.

Kids talk Science This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.

untitled /************************************/ /* Guidelines to development */ /* on the */ /* HOLLYWOOD OPERATING SYSTEM */ /************************************/ 1. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function. 2. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Wild Mood Swings - Surf the web on a whim. (C) Sean McManus <p style="font-size:x-large;">Oh no! You don't have Javascript enabled. Please <a href=" Javascript now</a> or the only moods you'll experience will be boredom and frustration.</p><hr noshade> Pick your mood, click the button and Wild Mood Swings will open an appropriate website in a new window. What is Wild Mood Swings? It's a simple game and online web experience: you select a mood from the pull-down list, click on 'take me away' and it'll whisk you away to an appropriate site. Each time you reload the page or click the shuffle moods link, the moods are sorted into a different order, adding an additional element of serendipity. What do I need to work it? Some of the links will take you to sites that require the Flash plug-in or Chrome browser. If it's not working, it's possible you have a pop-up blocker installed that is stopping Wild Mood Swings from opening your destination site in a new window. Why was it developed? When was it launched?

The Egg The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. You looked around. “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” “Yup,” I replied. “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. You looked at me with fascination. “Don’t worry,” I said. “Oh,” you said. “Neither,” I said. “Ah,” you said. “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. You followed along as we strode through the void. “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “So what’s the point, then?” “Not so!” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “No.

Crunch - Dave's Demolition Service! See more great video on the multimedia page! Video of my car running over stuff! Any requests? Want something crushed?Send me an e-mail describing an item you have whichyou would like to see crushed. If I approve the item,I will send you an address where you can send your doomed item! Gingerbread House! See Crunch Archive for more great crunches! [Home] - [Site Map] - [Donate] - [Car Shows] - [Multimedia] - [Photos] - [Links] - [Contact] Copyright© 2003 StillRuns.com

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