How Do I Know We’re Going to Make It? - Datebox. Lots of couples over the years have asked me really great questions about how to have a great relationship: “What’s the foundation to a great marriage?” “What important piece of information do we need to know to survive as a couple?” “What’s the secret ingredient to making it together?” “How do I know whether or not we’re going to last?” For people to have a great relationship, I think there are lots of things to learn and practice. It may sound old-fashioned or out of style, but it’s true.
The Research A recent UCLA research team conducted a longitudinal study following 172 couples over their first 11 years of marriage to determine how commitment impacts relationship success. Unpacking the Research on Commitment We all usually say that we’re very committed to our relationship and we believe it. What the research suggests is that commitment is not tying a knot at the end of the rope and hanging on. See the difference? What does that mean? Jarod Allen. 10 Ways To Ruin Your Marriage Right Before Bed. Five Ways Science Says to Handle Difficult Times. A mentor of mine recently passed away, and I was heartbroken — so I tried my best to avoid thinking about it. I didn’t even mention it to my family because I didn’t want those sad feelings to resurface. In other words, I took the very enlightened approach of pretend it didn’t happen — one that’s about as effective as other common responses, such as get angry, push people away, blame myself, or wallow in the pain.
Even for the relatively self-aware and emotionally adept, struggles can take us by surprise. But learning healthy ways to move through adversity — a collection of skills that researchers call resilience — can help us cope better and recover more quickly, or at least start us heading in that direction. Here are 12 resilience practices (squeezed into five categories), which can help you confront emotional pain more skillfully. Wallowing in our pain or bottling our emotions is easy, but it doesn’t help. 1. 2. In a 2010 study, researchers modeled this process in the lab. 3. 4. 5. SuperBabies Don’t Cry | Vela. When I was pregnant, I tried to make a SuperBaby. I did not realize I was doing this. I believed I’d long ago shed the theory that a body could be made perfect. But looking back, my goal was clear. I ate 100 grams of protein a day. I swallowed capsules of mercury-free DHA.
Lastly, I prepared meticulously for an unmedicated birth. My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time, a woman’s voice uttered as I descended into a dreamy soup of electronica chords and affirmations. After thirty-six hours of labor, the last five of which can best be described as an apocalypse at the very base of me, I pushed my baby out and into the warm waters of a hospital tub. “What a little peanut!” Abruptly, her tone changed. “But we were going to wait until the cord stops…” my husband said. “Cut it now!” My husband snipped, and the midwife whisked the bean-shaped blur away. I moved to a bed and prepared to birth the placenta. She said nothing. A few minutes later, the peanut was finally upon my chest. How to Grieve as a Couple | Utah | Swinton & Associates Counseling. My husband and I had the opportunity this past week to speak at the Share Parents support meeting in Cache Valley about grieving as a couple.
Share is a national support group with local chapters who consist of mothers and fathers who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss. Together, my husband and I have lost two babies. Part of how we find meaning in our experiences is helping others heal and speaking with this group was a great experience. I’d like to share with you some of the topics we discussed at the meeting. One of the difficulties couples go through when they have experienced a loss is that they are likely to cope with and express their grief differently. Gender differences. Communication. Empathy. Crying.
To wrap up, there are a couple of statements that I have learned in my own journey with grief and as a marriage counselor that are invaluable: A person’s expression of grief DOES NOT equal their depth of grief. This is What Happened When I Gave Up Venting About My Problems. A Better Kind of Happiness. Nearly two and a half millennia ago, Aristotle triggered a revolution in happiness. At the time, Greek philosophers were trying hard to define precisely what this state of being was. Some contended that it sprang from hedonism, the pursuit of sensual pleasure. Others argued from the perspective of tragedy, believing happiness to be a goal, a final destination that made the drudge of life worthwhile.
These ideas are still with us today, of course, in the decadence of Instagram and gourmet-burger culture or the Christian notion of heaven. The finding is the latest in a series of related discoveries in the field of social genomics. In early 2010, Cole spoke about his work at a conference in Las Vegas. Fredrickson believed that hedonism would prove more favorable than eudaemonia—that discrete feelings of happiness would register on the genome more powerfully than abstract notions of meaning and purpose. But what, precisely, is this quasi-mythical good life? How to Hygge: 20 ways to feel good over autumn and winter - Wholeheartedly Healthy | UK Healthy Living and Lifestyle Blog.
As the darker autumn and winter days approach, it’s natural to feel a bit glum at the thought of a lack of brightness, cold grey weather and dark mornings and evenings. If that sounds familiar, you need to know how to Hygge! Did you know that Scotland and most of northern England only sees a couple of extra hours of light a day as they do in countries like Sweden, Norway and Denmark over the autumn and winter months? Those cultures have created ways to sustain themselves through the darkness where as we certainly haven’t, and unfortunately we pay the price. Even if you don’t live up north, the change in the seasons can have a negative effect. The Danish word Hygge (pronounced Hoo-ga) does not have an equivalent word in english, but represents a whole culture of cosiness and wellbeing that may just be behind what makes Danes the happiest people on the planet.
I’ve been researching Hygge in detail, and as it turns out it shares a lot in common with my wholeheartedly healthy philosophy! Four Ways to Be More Assertive - UST. What We Don’t Talk About Enough. [April 2016] I think people are surprised when they hear I work full time and Ben stays home with our daughter (and soon to be son). Ben is a hard working, multitasking, full time student who choose to finish his degree online when our first child was born to be home with her and have the freedom of more time together as a family. Though I know he is anxious for the day that those roles are reversed, it wont be quite yet, he embraces and loves how things are now, too.
I think it’s awesome in our culture there is so much, and well deserving, praise for motherhood and absolutely everything that comes with it for the rest of their lives. But I’m bummed when I think of the just as deserving, if not more deserving in some cases, role of fatherhood who don’t get any or enough credit. And to do so, hopefully, like Elder Christofferson says, “To praise and encourage fatherhood and fathers is not to shame or discount anyone.”
No, Ben is not “Mr. And Ben is not perfect, and neither is our family. What it Really Means to Hold Space for Someone. When my Mom was dying, my siblings and I gathered to be with her in her final days. None of us knew anything about supporting someone in her transition out of this life into the next, but we were pretty sure we wanted to keep her at home, so we did. While we supported Mom, we were, in turn, supported by a gifted palliative care nurse, Ann, who came every few days to care for Mom and to talk to us about what we could expect in the coming days. She taught us how to inject Mom with morphine when she became restless, she offered to do the difficult tasks (like giving Mom a bath), and she gave us only as much information as we needed about what to do with Mom’s body after her spirit had passed.
The author with her mother “Take your time,” she said. “You don’t need to call the funeral home until you’re ready. Ann gave us an incredible gift in those final days. In the two years since then, I’ve often thought about Ann and the important role she played in our lives. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Give Me Gratitude or Give Me Debt. “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” ― Thoreau So why not just laugh now? – G “If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?” — Unknown Recently I posted a picture of myself in my kitchen, and I immediately started receiving generous messages from people wanting to help me “update” it. I’ve always loved my kitchen, but after seeing those pictures I found myself looking at it through new, critical eyes.
But as I lay down to sleep, I remembered this passage from Thoreau’s Walden: “I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes and not a new wearer of the clothes.” You guys. This thing MAGICALLY MAKES FOOD COLD. Inside my refrigerator is FOOD. THIS CRAZY THING IS A WATER FAUCET. This is the magical box in which I put uncooked stuff, push some buttons, and then a minute later- pull out cooked stuff.
This is my medicine cabinet. Speaking of ground- this is our kitchen floor. BUT. Before: The #1 Thing Couples Fight About - The Gottman Institute. Do you know Angelina Jolie? She’s that beautiful actor who adopts Asian babies, and married the world’s most gorgeous man. They even had their own movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Well, I’ve never met her. She sounds like a deadly assassin with a secret identity. But I do know Christina. Like Angelina, Christina is an admirable and beautiful woman. When they first met, he was something different. She’s frustrated and lonely. Yesterday they were trying to pick a place to grab dinner.
Christina starts. “Sounds good to me. “I don’t know, you?” “I feel like pizza. “I don’t want pizza,” she complains. “Okay, what do you want then?” “I don’t know,” she says with a puzzled look on her face. “What about seafood?” “No. “You always put down every idea I make.” Christina starts crying. How has something so small turned into something so big? According to the Einstein of Love, Dr. Christina and Brad remind me of the movie Mr. and Mrs. Meaningless Fights Can Make Or Break Trust Why Relationships Fail. This Is Why We Attract People Who Don't Actually Suit Us (And Why It's Okay) 8 Printable Mantras for Moms. I really believe in the power of the words we tell ourselves. Our inner monologues have so much influence over how we feel and what we’re projecting to the people closest to us. I’m often scrawling sayings or quotes on our family chalkboard, and usually, without me even realizing it, the words I write are a direct effort to stifle the ugly voice that sometimes intrudes.
I hope these printable mantras will help you and me both develop a kinder inner monologue and live more wholeheartedly every day. Print as many copies as you’d like, cut them out and stick them around the house, in your purse, on the sun visor of your car—wherever! 1. For the week you know is going to wear you out! 2. Borrowed from the Hands Free Mama. 3.
For the mom who needs more patience (is there a mom who doesn’t??) 4. “Wishing and wanting instead of being and enjoying. 5. From a commencement address by author George Saunders. 6. Rohld Dahl. 7. A simple phrase for the days when you just want to feel awake. 8. 5 Polite Ways To Respond To a Rude Comment - You're Never Stuck. I know a lot of people are entertained by snark but I happen to find it super rude. And funny? Not so much. That said, there will always be a time in our lives that we will encounter such rudeness and the Holidays are no exception. In fact, it just happened to be a few months ago. I confess that it rendered me speechless and I stewed about it for days. Not good. So I got to wondering… What do you do when you encounter rudeness? Here are some polite ways to respond to a rude comment: 1. Keep in mind that right before you respond, you need to make sure that you take a deep breath. 2.
As a lawyer, this is often hard for me. 3. I have a “friend” who routinely takes little jabs at me. 4. I’ve tried the proverbial “walking away” but that doesn’t always feel empowering for me. 5. Everyone will tell you not to take it personally. I’m curious how do you politely respond to rudeness? 4 Ways What You Think Is Humility Could Actually Be Pride | LDS Living. Pride is often referred to as the universal sin. From the perspective of LDS theology, this seems pretty accurate; pride caused Satan to rebel against heaven, pride led to the downfall of ancient civilizations, pride is the driving factor that has caused evil individuals throughout history to come to power, and anyone who has studied the Book of Mormon has probably heard of the pride cycle.
However, for this discussion, I’d like to move away from the archetypal, “big picture” idea of pride to focus on the perspective of it as an individual characteristic, that is, of personal pride. It seems that certain patterns of pride are easy to identify. I think that one of the reasons that pride is so difficult to manage, however, is because it often appears in ways that are more subtle but just as damaging. Identifying Humility and Pride President Benson concludes his discourse by detailing how humility is the clear antidote to pride. 1) Self-deprecation Pride is in the comparison, the ranking. One Half of the Soul | Segullah. I glance over at my husband as he starts another video game, then turn back to my laptop where I’ve been cruising through articles from my Facebook feed for the past hour. Another typical Friday night. A couple months ago it would not bother me as much as it does now. I figure that we’re in a holding pattern right now — I’ve been plugging away at a grad program while Chad finishes his undergraduate degree.
Homework, school clubs, part-time work, and recruiting activities occupy the majority of my waking hours. It’s not ideal, but it’s familiar. I recently took a class called “Razor’s Edge” as part of the MBA program. “The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard,” The class focused on living your life deliberately — making and implementing plans to have a meaningful life rather than a shallow, unsatisfying existence. I realize that technology is a powerful tool. Does your experience mirror my own? Choose Happiness by Larry R. Lawrence. Can You Choose Love? Interview with Dr. Finlayson-Fife. A Study on True Love. When we're Triggered: How to Stop Reacting Defensively.
Get elephant's newsletter Every single moment you live—awake and aware inside your life—is another tiny (or huge) opportunity for healing, even your moments on Facebook. I recently opened up a discussion about this topic in one of my favorite healing groups on Facebook. In a virtual room full of healers and people doing healing work, you’re bound to get a treasure chest of ideas, information, opinion and experience.
It turned out as awesome as I had imagined, until I was triggered—big time. Awareness opens the door for curiosity, perspective and shift—the very things you need to change your thoughts and your life. Being a warrior inside my own life has meant looking at the things that trigger me, anger and frustrate me, wound me, hurt me and depress me. “Without awareness there is no choice.” ~ John F. My teacher’s quote floats around my notebooks and my brain, constantly asking me to go deeper. I sat at my computer, reading the comment from my colleague and allowing myself to feel three.
Coping with Traumatic Events: Dr. Lili Anderson - November 20, 2015. To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind In Life. Zeigarnik Effect. 15 Surprising Things Productive People Do Differently. My Husband is an Idiot and I Can't Stand My Kids. Fighting Fair: How to Have a Good Money Fight. Satan's Hidden Arsenal Against Women — INSIDE-OUT MINDS. The four words you should say to end every fight. Life Is Good founders say this question inspired their business. 25 Ways to Save Your Marriage (And Your Life) 21 Surprising Statistics That Reveal How Much Stuff We Actually Own.
Clutter and Depression | Declutter Your House. How the Brain Changes When You Meditate. Mia Freedman: "Why I've become a morning person." What To Do When Everything Sucks. A neuroscience researcher reveals 4 rituals that will make you a happier person. 9 Things Successful People Do Right Before Bed. Creating an Intentional Marriage - Swinton Counseling. My Friend Teresa Studios. Avoiding Mormon Burnout: Why It's Okay to Say "No"
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: Ideas To Overcome Four Challenges. Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff. Little Offenses: Are They Worth It? | Meridian Magazine. To Our Daughter about to Marry: 7 Ways of Happiness | Meridian Magazine. Give Up Now—You Will NEVER Stay Married to the Same Person | Zack's Bowl of Oates. Find Your Happy | Tales of a Mountain Mama. Cecilie Ott Marriage & Family Therapist, counseling, St. George, therapy, mental health, depression, anxiety, happiness, Understanding the Benefits of Marriage and Family Therapy. Why Generation Y is unhappy.
Warning Signs of Infidelity - Ensign Jan. 1975. Find Your Marigold: The One Essential Rule for New Teachers. She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This. How To Say No & Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty. How Successful People Work Less and Get More Done. 11 Tips and Tricks for Turning Your Life into a Disney Movie | Whoa | Oh My Disney.
Why patients don't follow doctors' orders — and what doctors could do about it. Find Your Marigold: The One Essential Rule for New Teachers. There’s More For You | Christy Wright. Three Daily Rituals That Stop Spouses from Taking Each Other for Granted - Verily. What Screen Addiction Is Doing To Your Children. Parents Who Fight Change Children's Brains - New Study About Conflicts' Emotional Effects on Children.
10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing The Ability To Be In Love. It Doesn't Matter How You Feel. 10 Behaviors of Genuine People. Local sex columnist: 5 reasons marriage just doesn't work anymore. 6 Phrases People Facing Serious Illnesses Would Rather Hear You Say. Apparently some married couples kiss for upwards of 6 seconds!?! | Family: Good Things to Come. SunWolf - Home. 27 Life-Changing Habits All Twentysomethings Should Adopt. More Ways to Simplify Your Life - March 24, 2015 | Mormon Channel. Blog — Cedar & Soul.