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Comedy and death have always gone hand in hand, even more so since Bill and Ted made peace with the Grim Reaper in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey . So it's no surprise that horror movies are often a great source of laughs. Some are so aggressively inept that they're funny the whole way through (for example, Birdemic: Shock and Terror , which incidentally we'll be riffing live in movie theaters nationwide October 25th ).
Everybody knew a rich kid growing up: the one who got all the toys the rest of us couldn't afford, and then used them instead of personality to win friends. He sure looked like he was having fun, though, with his video game consoles and in-pool water slides. Maybe money really can buy happiness? Well, that all depends: Some well-off parents buy their kids a full-size, functional Transformer for their 10th birthday, sure, but some of them just buy their kids the kind of boring, expensive toys that only serve as status symbols -- status symbols that children are way too young to understand or care about. Because hey, it's never too early to get a head start on being a detached, rich little dickhead.
You know how sometimes in cartoons you'll see characters survive almost certain death through some truly improbable means? Like when Wile E. Coyote drops an anvil that somehow manages to reverse course and smash him instead of the Road Runner.
The Internet has made communication easier than ever before, increasing our understanding of other people and just how stupid it's possible for them to be while remaining able to work an "ON" button. Getty "I just leave it on overnight to save two minutes in the morning. Ha, I out-stupided you!" Internet comments are what would happen if Tron had sewers: mostly shit, but an essential service with this many people in one place, and sometimes you find something as awesome as ninja turtles. From comments on this article I love these people.
They say necessity is the mother of invention. What they neglect to mention is that invention's dad is a moron and he sometimes pops by the house with a new piece of shit idea that's so staggeringly awful that he takes your silent awe as approval when in fact you're trying to think of a new way to say "What the fuck?" that is at once louder and more vulgar, and somehow requires the assistance of noted scholars and theologians.
You don't think of video games as having "deleted scenes," but stuff gets cut from games at the last minute, the same as with movies. The difference is that once a scene is cut from a movie, you'll never see it unless they choose to throw it onto a DVD. Cutting scenes from games isn't so easy, so the code is usually lurking around in there for you to find, if it's not sitting right out in the open in some early or foreign edition of the game. This can lead to bizarre discoveries in games we thought we knew well, like ... #6. EarthBound Had a Naked Level
After more than a century of automobile design, it's understandable that a few of those ideas were less than genius. In fact, some were quite profoundly retarded. #5. The Flying Car Was Too Heavy to Fly
After writing an article on words people mix up with other words and another article on words people mix up with other words , I've come to realize that all that was only the tip of the icebox. Haha! Iceberg. That was a freebie to see if you were paying attention.
There are screw-ups, and then there are screw-ups that make headlines, like those guys who made a fire extinguisher that was highly flammable . These are the kinds of things professionals have nightmares about: the hilariously ironic failures that everyone will find out about. Like ... #5. Agency for Limiting Government Waste Spends $800,000 on a Vegas Trip
As an aficionado of "barely making sense" and "exotic beatings," there's nothing I love better than a good foreign action movie. But there's just something missing from the modern ones, and I think I've finally pinpointed what that is: They're translated too well. When I got into foreign action movies as a kid in the '90s, subtitling was a job we gave to alcoholic head trauma victims to make them feel useful to society again, or else we shunted the task off to primitive AI bots that would repurpose their spam titles as dialogue. In short, if you were watching a foreign action flick back in the day, that meant spending two hours wading hip deep through impossibly shitty subtitles in order to make a few wild, vague, wholly unsubstantiated guesses as to the nature of the plot. I'm still pretty sure the John Woo classic A Better Tomorrow was a film about a Chinese man with supernatural dominion over pigeons trying to escape the sinister Anti-Sunglasses League.
To the women who "can't understand what the big deal is" and think "guys are such perverts" are audibly sighing right now, please save your comments until women stop obsessing about diamonds. Thank you. Just The Facts
The best thing about being a wild animal, aside from being able to shit wherever you want, is that crimes that would get a human put away for decades are written off with a comical headline. Everything is hilarious when an animal does it, even if it would be considered a felony in the human world. For instance ... #5. Crocodile Hijacks Plane Getty
If you want a badass curse, just read the Bible. Killer bears, plagues, rivers of blood, mothers eating their babies -- the Bible doesn't mess around. Unless it's one of the following curses. Then it's totally messing around ... #4. Stealing the Ark Means Hemorrhoids
We really don't get enough stories about incompetent soldiers. Think about it: It's a real disservice to war heroes if we never give people anything to compare them to. The very reason bravery and quick wits under fire are to be celebrated is because they're rare.
In a perfect world, there would be no substitute for a quality product offered at a bargain price. But this is not a perfect world, and a lot of times the only thing between mediocrity and market dominance is the kind of devious plan that would make a supervillain proud. Like ...