”—Paul Boese. When You Can't Forgive. Forgiveness is Not a Menu Option. Every time I talk about forgiveness, I run into disagreement.
When I make the statement, “Forgiveness is not a choice,” I always get pushback from people who think I’m saying something else. What they think I’m saying is, “Hey, you know what would be fun? Why don’t you hang on to your hurt on purpose and refuse to forgive the person who hurt you, even though you so totally could forgive them if you wanted to? Doesn’t that sound great?” The Forgiveness Instinct. Early on the morning of October, 26, 2001, 25-year-old Chante Mallard was driving home along Interstate 820, just southeast of Fort Worth, Texas, after a long night of partying.
Fatigue, combined with the many substances in her bloodstream—alcohol, marijuana, ecstasy—had impaired her judgment and slowed her reaction time. As she rounded the horseshoe-shaped curve to merge onto Route 287, Mallard drove her car straight into a man who had been walking along the dark highway. Gregory Biggs, 37 years old, was catapulted onto the hood of Mallard’s car. His head and upper body went crashing through the windshield and landed on the passenger side floorboard. His legs remained trapped inside the windshield. With all of the drugs and the noise and the broken glass, Mallard was so disoriented at first that she didn’t even know that a human being was stuck in her windshield. A female chimpanzee (right) kisses a male as they reconcile after a fight. Both of those assumptions are wrong.
The Art of Apologizing. Apologizing is hard.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a halfhearted apology, you know how demoralizing that feels. In stark contrast, a good apology is elixir for relationship wounds. Mara and Jack had been living together for a year. While dusting, Mara accidentally knocked over a glass figurine and it shattered against the tile floor. Unfortunately, it was the cherished award Jack received as an honor for his fine work in advertising. Mara’s first impulse was to hide the evidence. Jack Kornfield: What Forgiveness Means. Forgiveness. Eight Essentials When Forgiving: The Why and The How. How to Practice Forgiving Yourself. Self-blame is a human dilemma.
We may blame ourselves for shouting at our kids or not protecting our siblings from abusive parents when we were young, or hating ourselves for something we wish we hadn’t said. But blame creates a destructive amount of continual stress that holds us back from learning from our mistakes and also uncovering a real happiness. So, assuming many of us agree that forgiving ourselves and learning from past mistakes is important for our health and well-being, the next question is how do we actually go about forgiving ourselves? Learn to Forgive Yourself No Matter What.
One of the greatest, most unproductive and destructive mind traps many of us face is self-blame.
It’s as if the brain doesn’t know what to do with the uncomfortable feeling that’s there and it projects it inward. I’ve never seen a single example where self-blame is constructive. We all make mistakes in life, some greater than others. Learn to Forgive Others No Matter What. A little while ago I wrote a post around the importance of learning how to practice self-forgiveness.
In that same vein it is essential to learn how to practice forgiveness no matter what. This may sound extreme, but let me explain. Forgiveness, as you may have heard or experienced, is simply the act of letting go of the burden that you carry from another person who has hurt you out of their own pain, ignorance or confusion. It’s a practice of freeing up your energy to focus on things that incline toward your own health and well-being or the health and well-being of others. There’s a saying: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt or die.” The reality is holding onto resentment, literally keeps our cortisol running and makes us sick. The wonderful thing about forgiveness is it really only takes one to tango.
40 Quotes that Will Quiet Your Mind. Post written by: Angel Chernoff Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. You know how you always turn down the volume on the radio when you need to think clearly about something complicated or confusing? The same is true for your life in general. The noise you need to cut out to concentrate? Turning down the radio refocuses your mind and offers you clarity when you need it most. Now it’s time to apply this same strategy to all the other noise in your life, starting with the noise in your head. Forgiveness.