Learn to Forgive Yourself No Matter What One of the greatest, most unproductive and destructive mind traps many of us face is self-blame. It’s as if the brain doesn’t know what to do with the uncomfortable feeling that’s there and it projects it inward. I’ve never seen a single example where self-blame is constructive. We all make mistakes in life, some greater than others. But there is a simple truth in life that is worth understanding, we all do the best we can with what we know in any given time. It could never be any other way. There’s a simple thing to practice that can bring us back to our senses with a bit more self-compassion. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. No matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t serve you or anyone else to stew in self-blame. In Uncovering Happiness I share a very personal story where in my twenties I was incredibly destructive to my mind and body. This kept me stuck in a shame cycle. Consider what you might be blaming yourself for. Warmly, Elisha Goldstein
How To Be Motivated: 4 New Insights From Research Sometimes there is not enough coffee in universe to get you going. How to be motivated is something we all struggle with at some time or another. Or, um, daily. Motivation is such a mystery. Dan Pink wrote the book on motivation. He’s the New York Times bestselling author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. His books have sold more than 2 million copies. Here’s what I love about Dan: He’s not the type to write a book and just move on. Here’s what you’ll get from this post: Why you don’t feel motivated.What the research says really produces motivation.The single most motivating thing there is and how to have it in your life.The biggest mistake you’re making when it comes to motivation. Let’s get to it… 1) This Is Why You Don’t Feel Motivated You’re probably thinking too much about the rewards involved. You might be enthusiastic about the “carrot” or afraid of the “stick”, but you’re just not excited about doing the task itself. Rewards like money are tricky. Here’s Dan:
9-powerful-habits-for-getting-important-things-done-and-building-your-willpower- We all know that sinking feeling. A deadline is drawing closer and you haven't even started yet. You begin to panic and a dull nausea sets in. There is nothing worse than having two hours remaining to complete a project that you know will take more like five. You sit there saying to yourself, "Why didn't I get this started yesterday?" Wouldn't it be great to build the habits that will get you working on that project well before it is due so this never happens again? 1. Do you have a long laundry list of things you have to accomplish? 2. Sometimes, taking the opposite approach works best: Take on all the easy and smaller things on your list and save that huge project for last. 3. When we constantly bash ourselves for not living up to our own high expectations, we make ourselves feel even more defeated and less likely to produce anything at all. 4. Did you know that if you practice pushing yourself every day--even a little--your willpower strengthens? 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
How to Practice Forgiving Yourself Self-blame is a human dilemma. We may blame ourselves for shouting at our kids or not protecting our siblings from abusive parents when we were young, or hating ourselves for something we wish we hadn’t said. But blame creates a destructive amount of continual stress that holds us back from learning from our mistakes and also uncovering a real happiness. So, assuming many of us agree that forgiving ourselves and learning from past mistakes is important for our health and well-being, the next question is how do we actually go about forgiving ourselves? Know that you are not the first or the last One of the first things to do is understand that you are not the first person who has made this mistake; it has likely been made thousands if not millions of times before you by other people. Understand that it’s in the past Another thing to remind yourself of is that this act you may have committed is now in the past, it is not present, and you are not currently doing it. Adopt a learning mindset
How to Beat Procrastination This is Part 2. You won’t get Part 2 if you haven’t read Part 1 yet. Here’s Part 1. PDF: We made a fancy PDF of this post for printing and offline viewing. Buy it here. (Or see a preview.) pro-cras-ti-na-tion |prəˌkrastəˈnāSHən, prō-| nounthe action of ruining your own life for no apparent reason Let me start by saying that I’ve had just about enough of the irony of battling through crippling procrastination while trying to write posts on procrastination and how to beat it. A couple notes before we begin: I’m not a professional at any of this, just a lifelong procrastinator who thinks about this topic all the time. Alright, so last week we dove into the everyday inner struggle of the procrastinator to examine the underlying psychology going on. We know about the Instant Gratification Monkey (the part of your brain that makes you procrastinate) and his dominion over the Rational Decision Maker, but what’s really happening there? Planning A big list of icky, daunting tasks and undertakings.
Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” “The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem.” “If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.” Mahatma Gandhi needs no long introduction. Everyone knows about the man who lead the Indian people to independence from British rule in 1947. So let’s just move on to some of my favourite tips from Mahatma Gandhi. 1. “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” If you change yourself you will change your world. And the problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. 2. “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
How to Forgive Yourself and Why It’s Important You made a mistake. You made a bad decision. You hurt someone. You didn’t get your point across during an important meeting or presentation. For many of us, these are the situations that make us angry with ourselves. And yet these are all moments when self-forgiveness is important. According to psychotherapist Ashley Eder, LPC, “Self-forgiveness is accepting responsibility for our actions both compassionately and seriously, while also cradling the hurt part that was acting out.” She noted that it’s saying to ourselves: “I am sad that you acted this way. So how do you forgive yourself? “Compassion is the basis of forgiveness,” Eder said. Eder gave this example: You’re on deadline for an article. Does that motivate you to write your article? What happens when you say to yourself: “Of course you don’t feel like writing — it’s been a long week and you’re not feeling it today. Your mood shifts, and you’re more likely to work on your piece. Focus on the two layers of self-forgiveness
7 Critical Skills That Predict Success What skills do you really need to succeed? In school, they taught us history and algebra and if we got good SAT scores they said we'd succeed. But are those the skills we really need? Developmental psychologist Susan Engel researched the skills that actually predicted success. 1. Of course, you can read. I'd like to ask a different question: Do you read? 2. If you're running a startup, you probably already have this skill down. Are ideas encouraged? 3. Sometimes we get focused on the solution we think is right, and we forget that there are many different angles for looking at each problem. Have you really looked at your decisions from all sides? 4. Engel identifies conversation as a way that children gain not only the ability to communicate, but also pegs it as a way that children actually learn. 5. Are you working together with others, or simply directing their work? 6. How successful are you on a project that you hate and wish you could avoid? What about your team? 7.
The Random Reflections of Little Red Riding Hood: Top Ten Quotes on Hope 1. “Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.” ―Emily Dickinson 2. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. How Forgiveness Changes a Person Forgiveness is often prescribed as a remedy for healing from a traumatic experience. It is a very effective tool in bringing closure. Instead of remaining a victim, the offended person can regain control over a trauma by choosing a forgiving response. In many ways this destroys the offender’s influence over the life of another and reinforces the empowerment of the offended. However, too often forgiveness becomes a task on the counseling to-do list instead of a change of heart. Understand the reason for forgiveness. Having an attitude of forgiveness changes an individual’s perspective on even difficult events. Christine Hammond is the award-winning author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble and iBooks.