5 Absurd Ways Comic Books Have Resurrected Dead Superheroes. Superhero comics have an inherent problem. They are intended to run indefinitely, so you can't really kill off characters. Yet we the reader need to fear for the character's lives when danger is about. They deal with this by repeatedly killing off the good guys, and bringing them back ... often in the most absurd and/or insane way possible... Spider-Man Gives Birth to Himself In a storyline titled "Changes," Spider-Man has to fight The Queen, a ridiculously powerful villainess no one has ever heard of before. The Queen eventually lets Spider-Man escape, having accomplished her goal. The Queen then tracks Spider-Spider-Man down and takes him to her lair, where he can finish his transformation into Frodo's worst nightmare.
So even though Spider-Spider-Man is still male, and The Queen never boned him as promised (tease!) "Oh well. But The Queen leaves just in time to miss ... ... Organic webslingers. Also, he discovers that he can also talk to bugs now. So, no explanation, then? 6 Great Martial Arts for Killing a Man With Your Bare Hands. Were you one of those guys who took Tae Kwon Do or Karate lessons as a kid? Did you learn to break little boards with your fist, and dream of becoming the baddest man on the planet? Well, consider your dreams shattered like so many bones. There are martial arts taught around the world that are designed to break people, not boards, and you've still got some learning to do, kid. Starting with... Country of Origin: Russia Russia is a country with a history of diverse, if not incredibly numerous, invaders, having been attacked by the Mongols, the Huns, the French, and the Germans at one time or another.
Over time the Russians developed a particularly brutal form of wrestling on the steppes. They originally taught it to the Red Army and government agents, but with crime on the rise, sambo has seen a lot of use by bodyguards, who added a few extra moves like "killing your attacker with his own knife, making him look like a giant douche in front of everybody. " Sambo in Action: Muay Thai in Action: 5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a Pussy.
We all understand that action movies are cheesy escapism. After all, could one commando really take out a whole compound full of bad guys? Actually, yes. It turns out the history books are full of stories of soldiers doing things so badass they'd hesitate to put them into a film for fear of killing the realism. Like these five, for example. #5. Simo Hayha Who Was He? Simo Hayha had a fairly boring life in Finland. Since the majority of fighting took place in the forest, he figured the best way to stop the invasion was to grab his trusty rifle, a couple of cans of food and hide in a tree all day shooting Russians. Can you spot Hayha? Of course when the Russians heard that dozens of their men were going down and that it was all one dude with a rifle, they got fucking scared.
They started by sending out a task force to find Hayha and take him out. Then they tried getting together a team of counter-snipers (which are basically snipers that kill snipers) and sent them in to eliminate Hayha. 15 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped. Welcome to the fifth installment in our never-ending quest to bring you the craziest, realest images on the web (see Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four). We know some of you folks out there are going to scream "Fake" no matter what anyway, but we figured we'd stress one more time that these images are, unfortunately, completely real. On the Set of 2 Ark, 2 Furious: Noah's Revenge Everyone's reaction to this one can be summed up as, "What's the big deal?
It's just two pics, one of a giant oil tanker and one of a peaceful little town--OH HOLY FUCK THOSE PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO BE CRUSHED. " That is in fact one photo, of the The Pasha Bulker, a ship that famously ran aground in 2007 within spitting distance of that little Australian community there. It's the Tasmanian Devil, Get in the Car This spontaneous tornado photo looks like the kind of CGI you see in made-for-TV movies. Mom, Dad, I'd Like You to Meet my New Girlfriend Prostitution in the Deep-Sea World. 6 Things That Shouldn't Explode (But Did Anyway) Michael Bay is right: Somewhere, right now, something is exploding.
And we're not talking bombs and tankers either. As it turns out, there are objects all over the place that will suddenly explode the shit out of themselves for absolutely no reason at all, and often when you least expect it. Things like... Imagine this scene: You sleep through your alarm and have to skip a shower to make the bus on time, only the elevator to your apartment jams and you miss the bus anyway and have to take a cab.
The cabbie helpfully ignores your directions and instead takes the long route to run the meter up. Then you step into a puddle off of the curb and soak both socks through before finally making the mad dash upstairs to your cubicle only to find that you just missed the regional manager's visit because you were late. Basically you are Peter Parker. Utterly defeated, you sink into your ergonomically designed desk chair, which then blows the fuck up like Danny Glover's toilet in Lethal Weapon 2. 7 Man-Made Substances that Laugh in the Face of Physics. The universe is full of weird substances like liquid metal and whatever preservative keeps Larry King alive.
But mankind isn't happy to accept the weirdness of nature when we can create our own abominations of science that, due to the miracle of technology, spit in nature's face and call it retarded. That's why we came up with... #7. Ferrofluids What do you get when you suspend nanoparticles of iron compounds in a colloidal solution of water, oil and a surfactant? A ferrofluid is a liquid that reacts to magnetic fields in trippy ways that make you think that science is both magical and potentially evil. Tell us that didn't look like the birth of the most sinister dildo ever. What happens is that when a magnetic field is applied to the fluid, the particles of iron compound inside align to it. What the Hell is it Used For? #6. It's not the brick in the picture up there, it's the stuff under the brick. Every once in a while, science rules. #5. The 6 Most Badass Skills You Can Learn in Under a Week.
How many times have you watched an action movie and thought to yourself "Man, it must take years of training to be able to pull that off? " Real life police officers, soldiers, and spies have to undergo rigorous training before they get to pilot submarines and shoot people, right? As it turns out, that's... entirely true. Being a real-life James Bond would take a lifetime of learning and practice. But as it also turns out, there are classes you could take this year that could get you half-way to James Bondhood, many of them taking a week or less of your precious, movie-watching time.
Rick Seaman Stunt Driving School If there's one thing that has become synonymous with James Bond through the years, it's blatant misogyny. Luckily for us common folk, you can perform crazy stunts in any car, not just laughably expensive luxury sedans. The Coursework: That proper training is provided at the Rick Seaman Stunt Driving School. Advanced Surveillance Nope. Lock picking School (In A Box!) 7 Books We Lost to History That Would Have Changed the World. The vast majority of the knowledge humans have assembled over the centuries, has been lost.
The world's geniuses either kept their revelations to themselves and then died, or else they put it down on paper which has long since rotted or burned or been used to line some parakeet's cage. Obviously we'll never know what great books have been lost to time, but we have clues on some of them, and what those clues tell us is mind-boggling, and a little bit depressing. If you could make a library out of just books that didn't survive, you'd have a collection of some of the best freaking books ever written. The Gospel of Eve, by Unknown What is it: It is apparently a totally sexually perverse lost book of the Bible. It's not hard to see why it didn't survive--church officials back in the day said the book was inspiring all kinds of depravity, from "free love" to "coitus interruptus and eating semen as a religious act.
" (Wait, what? Why it's Awesome: Ah ha! Why You'll Never Read It: Heh heh heh. 5 Ways To Hack Your Brain Into Awesomeness. Much of the brain is still mysterious to modern science, possibly because modern science itself is using brains to analyze it. There are probably secrets the brain simply doesn't want us to know. But by no means should that stop us from tinkering around in there, using somewhat questionable and possibly dangerous techniques to make our brains do what we want. We can't vouch for any of these, either their effectiveness or safety.
All we can say is that they sound awesome, since apparently you can make your brain... #5. So you just picked up the night shift at your local McDonald's, you have class every morning at 8am and you have no idea how you're going to make it through the day without looking like a guy straight out of Dawn of the Dead, minus the blood... hopefully. "SLEEEEEEEEEP... uh... What if we told you there was a way to sleep for little more than two hours a day, and still feel more refreshed than taking a 12-hour siesta on a bed made entirely out of baby kitten fur? Holy Shit! 6 Things You Won't Believe Are More Legal Than Marijuana. Since we can't have a website without readers, it's important to us that you not wind up dead or in jail. So when we continue to point out crazy shit that we can't believe is still legal, we're trusting you to not run out and buy these items and then use them to destroy your whole neighborhood.
Because you totally could. A Lightsaber and Blaster Rifle If you had any sort of childhood, you spent a healthy portion of it wishing like hell you had either Luke Skywalker's lightsaber or Han Solo's blaster. Well, got your checkbook ready? Here's a real motherfucking blaster rifle on sale for a measly two grand. Storm Troopers: suckers for a deal. Information Unlimited sells high-grade scientific lasers, but unfortunately they're only intended for laboratory use. So it begins. Oh, and this isn't just some legitimate scientific tool we're making out to sound terrifying: The manufacturer advertises it as, a "prelude to a weapon of the future. " You've had it too easy for too long, Air.
6 Glitches That Accidentally Invented Modern Gaming. Half of the art you enjoy every day is probably due to some happy accident. For instance, most of the tension in Jaws can be credited to the fact that the fake shark they were using was a mechanical nightmare and too ridiculous to show on screen. You wouldn't think video games would be subject to this, however -- a mistake in the code of a game would most likely just melt your Xbox (again) rather than invent some fun new game mechanic. Yet, some of the most iconic features of games can be credited to serendipity: A Bad Mouse Click Leads to Lara Croft's Rack It's not fair to say that Lara Croft and Tomb Raider are only famous for one reason (or even two). There have been many excellent and critically acclaimed games in the series. Via 101 Video GamesThose are the protruding orbs on her chest. Well, as it turns out, Lara's bust is a result of a mistake. And apparently replaced them with oil-change funnels.
Via TheAngryPixel.comYep. Via Wikimedia Commons"You're welcome, polygon booby lovers! " 6 Laws You've Broken Without Even Realizing It. None of us can claim with a straight face that we've never done anything illegal, be it speeding, drunkenly stealing a shrink-wrapped pickle from a bowling alley or hunting the homeless for sport. But on the whole, we're upstanding citizens. After all, it's not like we're out there breaking the law on a daily basis. Wanna bet? Because all of the stuff below is illegal in most of, if not all of, the United States. If you live outside the U.S., you need to double check to see if you can get jail time for ... #6. Connecting to Unsecure Wi-Fi Networks Due to the current popularity of tiny computers and man's relentless desire to watch nudity absolutely everywhere, Wi-Fi hotspot usage is on the rise. GettyAnd by "email" we mean "hardcore dwarf BDSM porn. " Hell, if they left it unsecured, they probably WANT people to use it, right?
Oh wait ... it totally can. Getty"I told you, all but one of those dwarfs consented! " What Did I Do?! Getty"Castle Doctrine applies to your home Wi-Fi network, right? " 6 Real People With Mind-Blowing Mutant Superpowers. If the insane, explosive popularity if superhero movies is any indication, we are fascinated by people who are insanely better than us at any given thing. Probably because, in real life, we're all such a bunch of incompetent boobs that we've been enslaved by blue paint, flashing lights and crying French babies.
But it turns out, superpowers are real. And not just the secret ones that everyone has, or even the ones everyone thinks they have -- this Cracked Classic is about a group of people that, in a sane world, would already have multi-colored leather jumpsuits, delightfully mismatched personality traits and a skyscraper shaped like whatever they decide to call themselves. We've all dreamed of having superpowers at some point (today), but the majority of us have to accept the sobering reality that preternatural abilities simply aren't possible. For instance ... #6. Ma Xiangang Is Impervious to Electric Shock CRI English.com"I figured I'd either die or get superpowers. . #5. . #4. 6 Sci-Fi Technologies You'll Soon Have On Your Cell Phone.
There's probably nothing you can do to impress a time traveler from the year 1950 more than showing him your cell phone. They're so ubiquitous that we take the little technological marvels for granted. And, we bet if you could travel into the future just five or 10 years, it would be the evolution of the cell phone that would blow your mind the most. Some of the stuff that's in the works right now: Let's be honest: Despite all the advances in phone technology and the slew of cool applications currently available, we're all still waiting for the day when our Blackberry Storms can play holographic 3D messages for us like R2D2.
"This is Sue from Blockbuster calling to remind you that The Mummy Returns is now 27 days overdue. " Well, cell phone manufactures apparently feel the same way. Regardless, companies seem to be taking the idea seriously, because prototypes continue to be developed that emphasize the 3D display instead of just using it as a novelty.
Hurry up with that shit, Samsung! What is the Monkeysphere? "There's that word again... " The Monkeysphere is the group of people who each of us, using our monkeyish brains, are able to conceptualize as people. If the monkey scientists are monkey right, it's physically impossible for this to be a number much larger than 150. Most of us do not have room in our Monkeysphere for our friendly neighborhood sanitation worker. So, we don't think of him as a person. And even if you happen to know and like your particular garbage man, at one point or another we all have limits to our sphere of monkey concern. Those who exist outside that core group of a few dozen people are not people to us.
Remember the first time, as a kid, you met one of your school teachers outside the classroom? I mean, they're not people. "So? Oh, not much. It's like this: which would upset you more, your best friend dying, or a dozen kids across town getting killed because their bus collided with a truck hauling killer bees? They're all humans and they are all equally dead. Sort of. 6 Things You Won't Believe Science Can Do With DNA.