TM): Great quotes by comedians. Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
" --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money. " --Kevin Meaney "My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. Life’s journey is not to. Collected Quotes from Albert Einstein. [Note: This list of Einstein quotes was being forwarded around the Internet in e-mail, so I decided to put it on my web page.
I'm afraid I can't vouch for its authenticity, tell you where it came from, who compiled the list, who Kevin Harris is, or anything like that. Still, the quotes are interesting and enlightening.] "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
" "Imagination is more important than knowledge. " Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement) Squashed Philosophers- Condensed Plato Aristotle Augustine Descartes Hume Marx Freud Copernicus Hobbes Sartre Ayer Sade Wittgenstein Einstein. Love,quote,weird-17633b80ee3b8135aaac94c299c02a91_h. Listen_v2_IMG_0006_bw.jpg (JPEG Image, 400x291 pixels) Human World. Human World The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth.
When Albert Einstein died, his final words died with him. The nurse at his side didn't understand German. St Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was not Irish. The lance ceased to be an official battle weapon in the British Army in 1927. St. Many sailors used to wear gold earrings so that they could afford a proper burial when they died. Some very Orthodox Jew refuse to speak Hebrew, believing it to be a language reserved only for the Prophets. A South African monkey was once awarded a medal and promoted to the rank of corporal during World War I. Born 4 January 1838, General Tom Thumb's growth slowed at the age of 6 months, at 5 years he was signed to the circus by P.T. Because they had no proper rubbish disposal system, the streets of ancient Mesopotamia became literally knee-deep in rubbish.
The Toltecs, Seventh-century native Mexicans, went into battle with wooden swords so as not to kill their enemies. You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved b. Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child? "Witness: "I only have one, you know. " Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? "Witness: "By death. " Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse? " The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. Lawyer: "What is your date of birth? " Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house? " Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? " Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? " Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all? " Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you? " Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ? " Lawyer: "What happened then? " One Sentence - True stories, told in one sentence.