Sandwich Monday: Lay's Cappuccino Potato Chips. Cappuccino is an Italian word for "Do Not Eat. " NPR hide caption itoggle caption NPR Cappuccino is an Italian word for "Do Not Eat. " Lay's Potato Chips is having some sort of promotion in which they release a bunch of new flavors and we vote on which one is best, based on flavor, crunch, and foreign policy experience. Miles: What a rip-off! Kelsie: Can I get mine substituted with soy? Ian: The cappuccino-potato chip combination is the culinary equivalent of a mullet. It's spelled "potato ccips. " It's spelled "potato ccips. " Peter: I will only eat these again if the bag comes with free Wi-Fi and a power outlet. Miles: If you send in three proofs of purchase, they send you a free Norah Jones CD. Eva: I generally drink three bags a day. Robert: where doing it wrong becomes doing it right. Robert: where doing it wrong becomes doing it right.
Ian: There's no caffeine in these, but they'll still keep you up all night, what with the flavor nightmares. Ian: I dunno. [The verdict: really not good. Sandwich Monday: Arby's Meat Mountain. No CGI. This exists. NPR hide caption itoggle caption NPR As you've probably heard, the fast-food chain Arby's wanted to advertise the fact that it offers more than just roast beef. According to an Arby's vice president, "People started coming in and asking, 'Can I have that? ' Ian: As George Mallory famously said, "Because it's meat. " Miles: I can't eat it, but I'm excited to read about it in Jon Krakauer's Into Fat Air. Peter: Interestingly, it was formed by two large plates of cold cuts pressing against each other over millions of years.
When you order two, it's called "The Twin Peaks. " When you order two, it's called "The Twin Peaks. " Robert: It's the seven-headed Hydra of a vegetarian's nightmares. Kelsie: The colors! Eva: Well, this makes up for all the vegans at NPR. We're honestly not sure what is happening here. We're honestly not sure what is happening here. Miles: The proper utensil to eat The Meat Mountain with is a crampon. Ian: Climb up, repel down. Robert climbs the mountain. Sandwich Monday: The Do-Rite Fried Chicken Doughnut Sandwich. Sandwich Monday: The Dahlia. The Dahlia. NPR hide caption itoggle caption NPR Out on the sidewalk in front of the Denver Biscuit Co., a curling-stone-size cinnamon roll covered in frosting and bacon sits on a table where you check in. The greeter has gone inside, so it's all alone. You understand at this moment what it's like to be a fish spotting a worm on a hook.
But we have come not for the cinnamon roll. The Dahlia consists of a giant sausage patty, fried egg, apple butter and maple syrup. Nick, who brought me here, lives a few blocks away so as to have a short commute to this sandwich. If this Dahlia has a negative, it's a structural one, though maybe that's my fault. And as we all know, apple butter is generally an insult to the butter name. Once the maple syrup is applied, the Dahlia is no longer pick-up-able. Once the maple syrup is applied, the Dahlia is no longer pick-up-able. [The verdict: All in all, a great sandwich. Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ...
Sandwich Monday: The Crazy Crab'z Sandwich. Hide captionA delicious sandwich and a capable glove, should a foul ball come your way. A delicious sandwich and a capable glove, should a foul ball come your way. What makes baseball great is that there's so little happening, it's a chance to really pay attention to what you're eating. AT&T Park in San Francisco embraces this. There is a sushi bar right by our seats, but we made the long walk around the stadium in search of the famous Crazy Crab'z Sandwich.
It's Dungeness crab and tomato on grilled sourdough — with butter, butter and a pinch of butter. Mike: Poor Barry Bonds. Ian: The only bad thing about this sandwich is you have to sit through a baseball game to get one. hide captionIn the sixth inning, Ian realizes there is a baseball game going on around all the food. In the sixth inning, Ian realizes there is a baseball game going on around all the food. People here really love this sandwich. Ian: Everything here is locally sourced. Final score: Pirates 5, Giants 1, Sandwich 9. Sandwich Monday: The Korean Steak Sandwich. Hide captionThis photo also featured in BuzzFeed's "21 Unbelievable Beverage Can Photobombs. " This photo also featured in BuzzFeed's "21 Unbelievable Beverage Can Photobombs.
" Ever since we landed in San Francisco and refused to leave, we've heard people talking about the Korean steak sandwich at Rhea's Deli and Market. People say things like "It's amazing" and "Get away from me, I'm trying to eat" and "Did you just lick a drop of sauce off of my shirt? I'm calling the police. " The Korean steak sandwich is Rhea's famous marinated rib-eye steak (which starred in Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights), cheddar cheese, house-pickled red onions and jalapenos, lettuce, chili sauce and garlic aioli, served on a roll. Ian: There is a line for everything in San Francisco. Miles: I'd be willing to wait in line for an hour just to eat the paper this was wrapped in.
Seth: I did eat some paper, and it was delicious. hide captionIntern/supermodel Seth Kelley. Intern/supermodel Seth Kelley. Sandwich Monday: The Menage A Trois. Hide captionUrban Dictionary will misinform you about the ingredients of this sandwich. Urban Dictionary will misinform you about the ingredients of this sandwich. We're in San Francisco this week, and despite an exhaustive search, we have yet to find anywhere serving a Rice-a-Roni sandwich.
We're told the next best thing is the Menage A Trois from Ike's Place. It gets its name from the fact it's chicken bathed in three sauces — barbecue, honey mustard and honey — and three cheeses: cheddar, pepper jack and Swiss. Seth: If I only had three wishes I might wish for this sandwich three times. Ian: The sandwich so good they named a sex thing after it. Miles: Did you get this on the Sandwich Encounters section of Craigslist? Hide captionSandwich Franciscodwich. Sandwich Franciscodwich. We ate the Menage in Dolores Park, overlooking San Francisco. Peter: Honestly, watching you guys eat that sandwich is the only ugly thing I've ever seen in San Francisco. Ian: San Francisco is so weird. Sandwich Monday: The Teriyaki Tofu Burger From Gabutto Burger. Hide caption"Slightly healthy. " Here at Sandwich Monday, we love exploring the many varied cuisines of the world.
So when we found ourselves in the food court of the Mitsuwa Marketplace Japanese supermarket just outside Chicago, we went directly for the burger stand, Gabutto Burger. We ordered the Tofu Burger, marinated in teriyaki and deep-fried, which the menu describes as "slightly healthy. " Eva: "Slightly healthy" is how someone might lie about their figure on match.com. Miles: Oh, good, all the disconcerting texture of tofu with none of the health benefits. Ian: I like how they wrap the tofu in a deep-fried wrapper. Hide captionIt's beautiful. It's beautiful. Ian: I bet it's pretty heartbreaking when Beef Patty is stalking Bun on Facebook and sees it's replaced him with Tofu. Miles: The burger's OK; the real star is the deep-fried salad they serve on the side. Robert: I like a lot of extra stuff on my burger. Hide captionThere's polite. There's polite. Sandwich Monday: The Deep-Fried Grilled Cheese.
Hide captionUnidentified Fried Object. Unidentified Fried Object. Improving the classics is not an easy task. I, for one, have for years been trying to add a kickstand to my burritos to make them stand upright, but the technical challenges prove insurmountable. Big & Littles in Chicago has done better with its update to the grilled cheese, however: It battered and deep-fried it. Robert: All I need is a bowl of deep-fried tomato soup and it's a complete meal. Miles: It's beer-battered, so everyone be prepared for me to call in sick tomorrow with a grilled-cheese hangover. Peter: It's breaded bread, and it's delicious. Ian: Its protective shell has done nothing to save it from predators (me). hide captionThe last thing you see before all your problems go away.
The last thing you see before all your problems go away. Ian: You could probably deep-fry racism and for a minute I'd be like, you know, racism isn't that bad. Robert has the heart of a child and the heart problems of a 185-year-old man. Sandwich Monday: Burger King's Extra Long Cheeseburger. Hide captionDo not adjust your set. Do not adjust your set. Past innovations in sandwich architecture have largely focused on height: the Big Mac, the Windows 7 Whopper, Dubai's 2,717-foot-tall Burg Dubai. Finally, someone is thinking horizontally. Burger King has unveiled the Extra Long BBQ Cheeseburger. Seth: This is great because I was really hoping to play a game of pickup after work. Ian: It's a tandem beefcycle!
Hide captionRobert tore his in half to get burger shapes he was more comfortable with. Robert tore his in half to get burger shapes he was more comfortable with. Miles: They should just call it the "Extended Misery Burger. " Eva: Do these patties share a secret language, like other twins? Peter: I was hoping for a longaberger, which would be an overpriced wicker basket on a long bun.
Ian: Hold on, I have to look that joke up ... Hide captionUndefined, indeed. Miles: I'd rather eat this than Burger King's Long Pig Burger. Thank you Longgod for blessing us with the Longburger. Sandwich Monday: The B50 Burger. Hide captionThe B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50. The B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50. Ever since Eli Whitney invented the Beef Gin in 1793, hamburgers have basically been the same: an all-beef patty, eaten as quickly as possible.
But now, new technologies are allowing burgerologists to expand the medium. Chef's Burger Bistro in Chicago has created the B50 Burger, with a patty that's 50 percent ground beef, 50 percent ground bacon. And then there's a fried egg thrown on top, just for fun. Miles: This is the hoofed animal's answer to the turducken. Ian: I really do feel like we're witnessing the beginning of something big.
Eva: Does this mean burgers are now 50 percent appropriate for breakfast? Hide captionAn optimist says this burger is half bacon. An optimist says this burger is half bacon. Peter: If I eat enough of them, then I, too, will be 50 percent bacon, and then I, too, will be delicious. Ian: It smells like a campfire inside my body right now. Sandwich Monday: Taco Bell's Quesarito. Hide captionDon't be fooled. This is no average burrito. Don't be fooled. This is no average burrito. When you bite into a traditional burrito, your teeth have to endure one or two boring seconds of tortilla before they reach the filling within.
Taco Bell, continuing its mission to solve all of life's problems, has fixed that with the new Quesarito. It's a burrito that replaces the tortilla with a cheese-filled quesadilla. Miles: What a revolutionary idea. Robert: It's like a soft cast for a sprained burrito. hide captionHey cross-section, you're not helping. Hey cross-section, you're not helping. Eva: Burritos wrapped in regular tortillas are now considered "Skinny Burritos. " Miles: I'm trying to think of a food that can't be made better by wrapping a quesadilla around it, and I'm coming up blank. Peter: Even a blank space would be better with a quesadilla wrapped around it. hide captionMike considers replacing his plaid shirt with a quesadilla. Miles: Quesarito is the new Kimye. Sandwich Monday: Caffeinated Beef Jerky : The Salt. Hide captionLike Gatorade, in meat form. Like Gatorade, in meat form. Today's fitness nuts (and caffeine junkies) have all sorts of energy foods at their disposal: Powerbars, Sport Beans, actual Fitness NutsTM.
But until now, athletes or office workers who wanted their caffeine in the form of desiccated meat were out of luck. Enter Perky Jerky. Mike: This is disappointing. Eva: I enjoy this jerky with freshly milked Five Hour Energy drink. hide captionYou can really taste the sports! You can really taste the sports! Peter: The jerky works! Ian: They should have called these Cowerbars. Robert: It's actually called jerky for the spasms you get five minutes after eating it. hide captionThis is actually an animated GIF. This is actually an animated GIF. Eva: Yes. Miles: I'm just glad they didn't go the other way with it. Ian: It's like Red Bull, with actual bull. Miles: I prefer Perky Jerky to Jerky Jerky, the beef jerky that insults your mom.
Peter: Perky isn't a very manly word. Sandwich Monday: The White Castle Waffle Breakfast Sandwich : The Salt. Hide captionThe White Castle Waffle Sandwich pales in comparison with the Carl Kasell Waffle Sandwich. The White Castle Waffle Sandwich pales in comparison with the Carl Kasell Waffle Sandwich. Like bacon or cupcakes before it, the waffle is enjoying a surge in popularity, showing up everywhere from the Taco Bell Waffle Taco to Chicken and Waffles potato chips. But fame has its price, and before the waffle hits rock bottom and checks itself into rehab for exhaustion, let's try the White Castle Waffle Breakfast Sandwich.
Miles: A waffle sandwich with bacon. The only thing that could make this sandwich more trendy was if it was squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans. Robert: Waffles, fried chicken patty, bacon and artificial maple syrup flavoring: It's the four major food groups of my childhood! Ian: I want a Middle Eastern chain to make waffalafel. hide captionZoom into Robert on Google Earth and this is what you see. Zoom into Robert on Google Earth and this is what you see. Sandwich Monday: Domino's Specialty Chicken : The Salt. Hide captionWe should have seen this coming. We should have seen this coming. First, KFC replaced bread with chicken in the famous Double Down sandwich. Then, President Obama replaced Steven Chu with chicken as secretary of energy. Now, Domino's has created Specialty Chicken, which is essentially pizza with chicken in the place of crust. Eva: The only thing left is pie dough made from chicken.
Miles: I can't wait until we start breading chicken in more chicken. hide captionListed in the index under "Fats, Domino's. " Listed in the index under "Fats, Domino's. " Eva: It's a weird day when vegetarians have to order the tofu pizza dough. Miles: Making pizza out of chickens makes the act of tossing the dough a lot more fun. Hide captionMike considers what it would be like to order chicken as a topping on chicken.
Mike considers what it would be like to order chicken as a topping on chicken. Ian: I feel bad for the guy eating General Tso's pizza dough somewhere. Miles: "Lock the door, it's Domino's! " Sandwich Monday: The Poutine Burger : The Salt. Hide captionPutting Canada on top of America is both delicious and geographically accurate. Putting Canada on top of America is both delicious and geographically accurate. Poutine, if you don't know, is a Canadian dish made up of French fries topped with cheese curds and gravy. And if you don't know, you really haven't been living your life to its fullest. Seriously, what have you been doing? Hide captionThe onion ring makes a great side dish and numerical representation of how many years you have left to live. The onion ring makes a great side dish and numerical representation of how many years you have left to live. Ian: I always wonder why poutine hasn't caught on here in the U.S., and I think it's because you can't drive while eating it.
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