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The 5 Creepiest Serial Killers (Who Were Animals) | Cracked.com. Fatal animal attacks on humans are so rare that it makes a movie like Jaws seem almost criminal. Animals only attack humans if they're threatened, or really hungry, or if the human is poking the animal with a stick. They obviously don't go around seeking out and slaughtering humans just for the murderous thrill of it. Well... most of them don't. See, the thing is, Jaws was based on a true story. It's one of a few rare, terrifying cases where an animal just methodically went about killing lots and lots of people. Such as... The Time: The Place: A 1,000 mile long stretch of track that cut across British East Africa called the Kenya-Uganda Railway. England: Granted, we were always hard on animals, particularly those that lived in tribes.

The Story: The problem with killing a bunch of dead natives other than the obvious permanent scarring on your soul and the potential for getting haunted by the guy from Poltergeist, is the animals. The future can't come quickly enough. How They Killed: 1940ish. Fastfood Meals for Failures | Cracked.com. If you're anything like me, absolutely everything that you see, smell and feel is a chilling reminder that this Earth is a cold, unfeeling timebomb that will go off at any moment. A breeze is a tribute to the chaos and unfairness of a world that has forgotten you, birds chirp a tune in the key of If God Ever Existed He Is Dead Now, and the bright sun is a glowing beacon of We're-All-Going-to-Die-Alone-in-the-End. No one will mourn you, because no one will be left. Understanding that, I present to you 5 Meals for Hungry Failures, because we are all both of those things. These are very specific meals for a very specific kind of miserable. Because, hell, we're all going to die, so you might as well just eat like a king.

The KFC Double Down Where You'd Get It: KFC, and then again in hell. Why You'd Get It: We can no longer avoid the fact that our way of life is entirely unsustainable. What is it? Ordering: I've had the KFC Double Down twice. "You want a Double Down? Immediately After Eating It: 5 Cheap Magic Tricks Behind Every Psychic | Cracked.com. I got into magic at the age of five. I stopped thinking psychics were real at the age of five-and-a-half. Mainly because most of them were doing tricks I had just read in the colorful magic book I had bought for three dollars the week before. Somehow these people had been able to turn the sentence "Here's a neat trick that will amuse your family and friends" into "Here's a way to pretend you have God-like powers and convince crowds of credulous and needy people to give you their money.

" For them, that three dollar book certainly paid for itself. If you want to follow their lead, allow me to present five things you must do if you want to use your cheap magician skills to convince the world you have real psychic powers. Much, Much Less, is Much, Much More There's an old adage that goes, "If it goes up, it's a trick. Predicting only two of the three correctly makes them seem suitably psychic and amazing, while not crossing the boundary that will make people suspicious. Uri Geller: Dr. 6 Awards That Would Actually Make The Oscars Worth Watching | Cracked.com.

Yeah, we get that the Oscars are already way too long. And we have no problem tossing some recognition to the best "Documentary (Short Subject)" and the best live-action and animated short films. We just don't think they should be televised. Nobody's seen any of the movies. Meanwhile, some of the greatest moments ever captured on film haven't gotten so much as a validated parking ticket from the Academy. Why? Because there's no award for... #6. Stuntmen have been lobbying for the past 20 years to be eligible for their own Oscars, which frankly is a small thing to ask for in exchange for what these guys regularly risk so we can enjoy action movies and sequels to raunchy comedies.

Stuntman Wayne Michaels made that 750 foot jump, and he broke a world record for highest bungee jump doing it. As for some of the greatest stunts ever pulled off in cinematic history, few compare to the chariot race in Ben-Hur. Fast-forward to 4:43. No tricks. . #5. This movie ended after the drill Sargent, right? The 6 Ballsiest Inventors Of All Time | Cracked.com. #3. Elisha Graves Otis Taunts Gravity Elisha Otis was an engineer in a time when the job description for the position was "dude who disassembles old machines. " As such, he found himself with the job of converting an old mill to a factory, a position made significantly more exciting by the fact that the only way to clear the upper floors was by using a system of hoisting platforms. We said this was exciting because back in 1851, hoisting platforms was about as safe as trying to insert contacts into the eyes of an angry bear.

"This seems like a terrible idea. " After having to dodge certain death every few days, Otis decided enough was enough, but instead of quitting and becoming a street sweeper, he invented the world's first automatic braking system. That's it right there. Pleased with himself, Otis continued his job, never thinking of patenting the device or even asking for a raise. So how did this guy earn a spot on this list? His rockin' power beard? The brake worked. . #2. Hanging. . #1. 7 Celebrities Who Had Badass Careers You Didn't Know About | Cracked.com. #3. James Lipton Did the ThunderCats Theme What He's Known For: The Actors' Studio is a members-only club for actors (in case you had a hard time telling). Playwrights and directors can join also, but unless they're Mel Brooks, who cares? In 1994, someone over at Bravo got the brilliant idea to open up the Studio for public viewing. Performing arts students would come and listen to James Lipton--a sonorously voiced gentleman resembling a cross between Rip Torn, and Pavaratti--interview members.

We're not sure who decided that putting a virtually unknown fat, bearded man on stage with the hottest actors of the day was a good idea, but man did that shit work. "I want this man to interview the likes of Angelina Jolie, Dave Chappelle and Johnny Depp. " Lipton has hosted the show, Inside the Actors Studio, for all 16 years of its existence, (maybe you've seen Will Ferrel's in-no-way-accurate-but-still-hilarious impression). What He Should Be Known For: That's right: the fucking ThunderCats theme. 17 Images That Will Ruin Your Childhood | Cracked.com. #11. The Time Traveler Just Couldn't Stop Laughing The Child Saw: Jurassic Park brought dinosaur mania back so hard that it hasn't completely dissipated 17 years later. And of course we know the T-Rex was made of rubber and enhanced with some CGI. No, we're going to look at what a T-Rex would actually look like if we brought one back using the miracle of genetic cloning. Ruined By: Uh ... what the shit is that?

That, friends, is a rendering by illustrator Sammy Hall, created after scientists in 2004 published a report on how the T-Rex probably had feathers (at least, the ones that lived in cooler climates). "Eeep! If it makes you feel better, I can't find any scientific support for its colorings being that, uh, fabulous. Of course, they didn't know any of this when they shot the movie -- that's something we just found out over time. For example ... #10.

Hey, it's Hoggle! Anyway. Gah! For the love of God, man, do it out of mercy! #9. You know, like Chairy from Pee-Wee's Playhouse! #8. . . . . #7. The 5 Most Half Assed Apologies for Historic Crimes | Cracked.com. Apologies are so difficult that some people manage to go pretty much their whole lives without ever offering them.

But when you're a government and you need popular opinion on your side, a good apology can pay off in spades. But since most governments are also douchebags, they never want to apologize too much. So there's kind of a delicate balance there that almost always yields thoroughly ridiculous results. #5. America Apologizes for Japanese Internment, Barely Two months after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, FDR signed Executive Order 9066 forcing every single one of the more than 100,000 Japanese-Americans on the West Coast of the United States into internment camps. The winner gets a writ of Habeas corpus! More than two thirds of the people interned were full-fledged U.S. citizens, ripped from their jobs and their homes and forced to leave virtually everything they owned behind.

Basically, they were involuntarily turned into carnival workers, without the dignity. The system works! #4.