Meet The Predators. A huge proportion of the women I know enough to talk with about it have survived an attempted or completed rape.
None of them was raped by a stranger who attacked them from behind a bush, hid in the back of her car or any of the other scenarios that fit the social script of stranger rape. Anyone reading this post, in fact, is likely to know that six out of seven rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. It has been clear for a long time, at least since Robin Warshaw’s groundbreaking “I Never Called It Rape,” which used Mary Koss’s reseach, that the stranger rape script did not describe rape as most women experienced it. It’s easy to picture the stranger rapist: a violent criminal, not much different from the violent criminals who commit other violent crimes. This guy was in prison before, and he’ll be back there again, though not for rape because reporting and conviction rates are so low. But who commits the vast majority of rapes, the nonstranger rapes? Lisak & Miller McWhorter. Rapists Who Don’t Think They’re Rapists. You know the guy who "accidentally" rapes women?
The acquaintance who "misreads" the situation and "goes too far"? The longtime friend who genuinely thought you had consented, and is shocked when you tell him that, no, it was rape? Renversement: "Girls will be girls?" I hate Strong Female Characters. I hate Strong Female Characters.
Writing About Writing (And Occasionally Some Writing): Changing The Creepy Guy Narrative. How being a writer helped me rewrite a sexist trope...for real.
[Edit 3 (7/25/13): I speak to some of the more common comments, questions, and criticisms I've recieved in this Mailbox article. Edit 2 (7/18/13): Continue comments at the dedicated entry for the continuation of comments if you want a reply from me.Edit 1 (7/16/13): This post has gone viral and it now accounts for over half the traffic that this blog has ever received since I started it in February of 2012. Unfortunately, that means it's starting to show signs of conforming to the laws governing the "bottom half of the internet. " Soraya Chemaly: The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys' This post was originally published in Role/Reboot.
For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion. It was obvious that this little guy got massive joy out of doing this. The first time, my daughter just stared in amazement and I tried to help her rebuild. Second time: sadness. Third time: The Injustice! During the course of this socialization exercise, we tried several strategies and his parents engaged in conversation with us, but mostly me. Lovely as you are, The Question. The Creepiness Question. Trigger warning: predatory behaviour, creepiness, sexual assault.
Yesterday, I read this account of creepy stalking behaviour retold by a woman whose husband had witnessed it first-hand and subsequently described the incident to her in detail. During the course of her husband’s recitation, the woman asked him what she refers to as The Question, capitalised because, once asked, he stopped seeing the creeper as simply being awkward and inappropriate and started seeing him as frightening and potentially dangerous. What I Mean When I Say I'm Sex-Positive. I'm sex-positive!
And I'm realizing that's a painfully ambiguous term. I've seen people use it to mean everything from "not viewing sex as inherently evil" to "insisting that everyone should have tons of orgasms and it'll solve all their problems. " You can see how people using the first definition could have some seriously unproductive arguments with people thinking they're using the second. About the "orgasms for everyone!
" thing. Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot » Brute Reason. Ah, spring.
What a wonderful time of the year.
Les « vérités » d’Eric Zemmour : les femmes diluent-elles le pouvoir ? Si les contradicteurs d’Eric Zemmour ont tellement de mal avec lui, c’est qu’il part toujours de faits observables et peu contestables.
Auxquels il fait ensuite dire ce qui lui convient. Il y a quelques semaines, cette interview par Ruth Elkrief a pas mal circulé sur les réseaux sociaux et donné lieu à quelques réactions (le blog des Martiennes, les Nouvelles News). Eric Zemmour y énonce une série de « vérités » : « Il y a un lien entre pouvoir et virilité, les hommes ont inventé le pouvoir », « le pouvoir est masculin » et il ne manque pas de préciser, que, bien entendu, il y a des exceptions et des femmes qui ont accédé au pouvoir en utilisant des valeurs masculines.
Qu’y a t-il à redire à ça ? Rien, il a raison sur tout.