To the Misinformed Animal Rights Activist Who Liberated My Chickens. Dear Madam or Sir, Due to a long string of events surrounding the protest of a backyard poultry processing class to be held at my house (using old egg-laying hens from a local organic farm), you have decided it would be in the best interests of MY egg-laying hens to “liberate” them, i.e. steal them from my yard in the middle of the night.
What worries me is not so much the trespassing, theft, harassment and dissemination of my private information (such as my home address) to the public, but is the complete misguided step you have taken to ensure I cannot care for my pets anymore. You have stolen my egg-laying hens, which I have raised from wee chicks, and relocated them to God-knows-where. There are two options here: you traumatized and killed my hens by setting them “free” in the wilderness, or, you hypocritically passed them on to someone else to enjoy the egg laying benefits.
What did you expect to accomplish, radical Portland animal rights activist? Sincerely, Angie P.S. Courageous Congressperson. Progressive Congressional Representative wanted to represent the people of Utah's 2nd district. Must have solid moral values and a resistance to selling out to corporate interests. Eligible candidate should have a strong commitment to defending fundamental human rights over corporate profits. Responsibilities include: -Stopping catastrophic climate change -Giving all Americans access to healthcare -Protecting and reinstating the rights of workers and unions -Granting equal rights to GLBT persons -Defending the rights of immigrants to basic human dignity and a US foreign policy that allows them to make a living in their home country -Ending imperialistic wars of aggression Travel is required between Washington, DC and Utah. Requirements: -Be at least 25 years old -Be a US citizen for at least 7 years -Live in Utah's second district -Commitment to transparency -Honesty, integrity, courage Note: This position must be filled.
1500 live ladybugs, accidently bought while drunk, feels bad. Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM. One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives. We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem! Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from inanimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious".
This is important! Location: Astoria, NY it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: no pay. Time Travel. Ninja Repellent/Entertainment center. What, dear Reader makes my Entertainment Center so much more special than others? Aside from the faux wood grain and authentic faux granite looking "stuff" that coats the main section, I tell you that it is an amazing piece of furniture. It does not slice, dice or julienne, but it does have one amazing feature: It acts as Ninja repellent. Take a look at the photos.
Go on, look. Not one ninja anywhere. Those pesky ninjas are always in the bushes, trying to assassinate you? Oh, but I hear your argument already, they are *ninjas*, they would not show up on film. But I digress. Let me know, I will even help load it. Location: Oshkosh-PICKED UP-THANKS it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. To the guy who tailgated me for 20 miles this morning. I get it. You wanted to go faster, and given that you drive a Mitsubishi Lancer maybe you are under the impression that you are fast and/or furious.
I'm the guy who was in front of you for 20 miles from Alpine Junction to Ithaca, driving at various speeds with the constant being that you were so close to my rear end it felt like I was trapped in a changing room with Richard Simmons. We met at 61 mph, a nice speed for Route 13 -- fast enough to not take forever and slow enough to go unremarked by the many police who patrol that road.
You were unsatisfied and expressed it by staying a cool 5 feet off my bumper. I slowed down gradually to 55 mph. This was one of several opportunities to pass me, but you just slowed down too and stayed back there like you wanted to turn on a Sting album and spoon me. Coming down the hill into Ithaca I sped up again, figuring you'd been punished enough. I offer you these common sense tips: 1.
Penis Measuring. Our Connection is Over. I post this to an open forum, to purge these words from me so they can exist somewhere concrete, out in the Universe, instead of eating away at the corner of my mind when it gets dark and everyone else goes home with whoever they're loving or fucking or both if they're lucky. But it's winter now, so the season of long patio nights and random hookups and breathlessly exciting flings and sweaty sheets and sleepless nights has officially come to a close until the next turn of the seasons.
In short, I can no longer distract myself from your absence. You were my best friend. There were others before, and others after, but most of them only served to help me situate and recognize your importance in my life. And now nothing. And now, I am not lost. This is what's meant by falling out of love with someone. What Now. Location: Calgary it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. Free, currently unused Urn. Free Cello. So my sister gave me this cello a couple years ago. It's a nice cello. Actually, it's a great cello. It's probably the best cello, but I don't really know much about cellos. Also the neck snapped off. Of the cello. She also gave me a cello bag that I can give to you too, now that I won't have a cello. If you're like me and you don't know how to play the cello then you could use it as a coin bank.
Please come get it. I'm 90% certain the bow's in there. Location: Echo Park it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. WE NEED A SMART PERSON. I stomped on your fire, you choked on a biscuit. EVERY male employee of St. Francis Diner - m4m. Bus boyfriend..I want to smell you again. This was months ago. April, maybe May. We only rode the bus together three times, only two times sitting together. The second I saw you, I smiled brightly, because you looked so nice. You were getting on the number 11 at the Lake Washington bus stop, at 9:35 on a Wednesday, heading downtown. You were one of the few people getting on the bus who had not immediately put out a cigarette or a crack pipe. You looked like the average super-casual tech worker or student. You had a soul-patch-triangle-hairy-thing under your bottom lip, which I will normally not tolerate on white men, but you made it work.
You sat next to me. What was that glorious smell? The next Wednesday, you got on the bus, and you sat next to me. It was clear, probably to both of us, but certainly to me, that we were not romantically suited for each other. I actually went home and told my boyfriend about you. The last Wednesday I saw you, I noticed you too late. Then, after that, nothing. Insanely Aggressive, Territorial, Guard Duck, (Muscovy) Gong Ringer. World's most uncomfortable saddle. Like a ghastly specter from your darkest nightmare, this saddle has returned from the grave seeking vengeance.
Its previous master thought it had banished it to the blackness of the abyss for good, but nay, it was only for an epoch. Features: *Steel rails forged by LUCIFER himself *Genuine Auroch hide seat provides maximum chafing I am reaching the end of my strength, as the madness contained within this dark artifact threatens to consume me. I cannot merely throw this adamantine saddle on the rubbish heap, lest some unwary passerby become transfixed by its lightless glow. No, I must only give this to one with the courage to look into the bloodshot eyes of insanity, and the strength to master it.
Location: Green Lake it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. To the toast-hating man in the black shirt at denny's 10/17 in the AM - m4m. Dear sir with not enough text messages to respond to on your "fancy" phone, on saturday morning, october 17, i was dining at the westbrook denny's with three of my kindred folks, and i got up from our table to take some untouched toast from a plate waiting to be cleared a few tables away. you seemed to find this to act to be completely incomprehensible, as you said, "are you serious?
Are you seriously taking that toast? We're in a denny's, for christ's sake. " when i replied, "yes, i am seriously taking this toast," you said, "well, THAT explains why you're dressed that way. " unfortunately, though i recognize that you were trying to imply that my favorite-sweatshirt-and-jeans-and-knit-ski-hat attire was suddenly recognizable to you as the "UNIFORM" OF THE POOOO', i regret to inform you that seemed to lack both the wit and the understanding of classism to deliver this line effectively. -- i like free shit just as much as the next person. this includes free toast. sincerely,
The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed. So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other “partner” felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn’t her. Now, despite the fact that you’ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college.
You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn’t let you have the remote, would she?) You’re not exactly at the top of your game, but what’s worse is that you don’t know where the kids will sleep. Yea, the kids. They still love you. They want to come and see you. Sound familiar? You see, it will get better. Plate of Melt in Your Mouth Peanut Butter Cookies with Furniture !!! No More Sex With Fruit. It all started when I started dating this women whom I was crazy for. I had been in love with her since high school. From time to time she would want me to stick a banana in her before sex to get her in the mood. At first it was awkward. It eventually got to a point where I too was also having sex with fruit as a kind of foreplay.
Then one day she left me. Around that time I was very confused on what I should do next I happened to see the evil wench. I was pissed. That lasted all but a few days but then I began to get horney. So to my ex.... fuck you. It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. Male Villain Seeking Female Arch-Enemy. Drunk girl wrangler. You stole my freakin' cameras. Hi, Last night you stole two of my cameras outside Angelica's Kitchen on 2nd Avenue and 12th street. I figured you'd try to sell them here, unless thieves are photo enthusiasts. You might make an honest living taking photos of shit you stole, hell that might make a great Gallery Title, "The Shit I Stole: Reflections on Urban Living in The 21st Century". You might even get into Francesca Woodman-style self-portraits that you could take with my stolen cameras, make them real artistic, with a shallow depth of field, that's what you can afford (or I guess, can't afford because you are a damn thief) when you have a 50mm prime lens attached to the Canon A-1 (that's the black one that you stole) that opens up to a 1.4.
Fuck yeah, I'm giving you photography lessons, so at least you can shoot right, I mean what the hell were you gonna do with two cameras that no one wants anyway-- don't try to sell it to some Midwestern tourists in Times Square, man, don't sell it in Times Square in general. Bot seeking Bot - w4m. To the girl I had drunk sex with last night. Drinking in the U-District sure is fun, isn't it! You can end up doing the craziest things! Such as getting drunk, and stumbling home with an equally drunk coed. Oh my God, I was so wasted. I don't remember meeting you. I don't remember taking the bus with you. I assume we took the bus, as neither of us were in any position to drive, and my apartment is a good five miles from where we drank, which would be far too long a walk when sober.
We drank some more at my place. Then we fell asleep. What's your name? Location: Seattle it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests. All I ever wanted was to be woken up by your car alarm. No really, the sound of your car alarm going off six..sometimes seven times a day is truly a comforting sound. I especially like when it goes off at 1:00am...and then again at 5:00am. THANK YOU so much! Usually after the worst day of my life, it's the first and only sound that I want to hear. I shouldn't be sleeping anyways as we all know that sleep is for the weak. My cat would also like to thank you. As if having his entire life uprooted and moved to a strange new place isn't traumatizing enough, he gets to listen to the piercing sound of your pride and joy telling the world that the wind has blown.
It's alright though, since you've got me up so early, I have plenty of time to try to coax him out from underneath the bed before I leave for work to experience the next worst day of my life. I understand that protecting your belongings is important to you, but you're the fucking rudest person I've never met. I'm the Girl that Ripped the Picasso Painting At The Met - w4m. To the man shaving on the dufferin bus - w4m. To the large bearded gentleman behind me in line at Dollarama... - m4m. A letter to my dead girlfriend. Saw you leaving my moms house today...
I Need a Harpoon. PDA couple, section 30 row 28 - m4wm. I hate what America has become. Dear stripper, You in the SNOW CAR. I mean, DAMN. Sex duel with the neighbors. You puked on my leg - m4w (196 bus to York) Wingwomen wanted - $30/hr. I'll admit it...you got to me... Looking for an average guy for average sex. Free stuffed walrus head. Shadow Kitty - Thank You. {area} best-of-craigslist. RE: Wanted: Chairs/Benches. Fulfill My Waffle House Fantasy. Parents - Please stop the madness. UT Girls Not Brave Enough for Secluded Campus Encounters.
You aren't looking for them, but I found your two dogs. Free 17' Canoe ** NOT seaworthy** Orange Popsicles. LOST: Tripod in a sewer.