To the Misinformed Animal Rights Activist Who Liberated My Chickens. Dear Madam or Sir,
Courageous Congressperson. Progressive Congressional Representative wanted to represent the people of Utah's 2nd district.
Must have solid moral values and a resistance to selling out to corporate interests. Eligible candidate should have a strong commitment to defending fundamental human rights over corporate profits. 1500 live ladybugs, accidently bought while drunk, feels bad. Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM. One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three.
Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives. We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem! Please note! Time Travel. Ninja Repellent/Entertainment center. What, dear Reader makes my Entertainment Center so much more special than others?
Aside from the faux wood grain and authentic faux granite looking "stuff" that coats the main section, I tell you that it is an amazing piece of furniture. It does not slice, dice or julienne, but it does have one amazing feature: It acts as Ninja repellent. Take a look at the photos. Go on, look. Not one ninja anywhere. Oh, but I hear your argument already, they are *ninjas*, they would not show up on film. To the guy who tailgated me for 20 miles this morning. I get it.
You wanted to go faster, and given that you drive a Mitsubishi Lancer maybe you are under the impression that you are fast and/or furious. I'm the guy who was in front of you for 20 miles from Alpine Junction to Ithaca, driving at various speeds with the constant being that you were so close to my rear end it felt like I was trapped in a changing room with Richard Simmons. We met at 61 mph, a nice speed for Route 13 -- fast enough to not take forever and slow enough to go unremarked by the many police who patrol that road.
You were unsatisfied and expressed it by staying a cool 5 feet off my bumper. Penis Measuring. Our Connection is Over. I post this to an open forum, to purge these words from me so they can exist somewhere concrete, out in the Universe, instead of eating away at the corner of my mind when it gets dark and everyone else goes home with whoever they're loving or fucking or both if they're lucky.
But it's winter now, so the season of long patio nights and random hookups and breathlessly exciting flings and sweaty sheets and sleepless nights has officially come to a close until the next turn of the seasons. In short, I can no longer distract myself from your absence. Free, currently unused Urn. Free Cello. So my sister gave me this cello a couple years ago.
It's a nice cello. Actually, it's a great cello. It's probably the best cello, but I don't really know much about cellos. Also the neck snapped off. Of the cello. WE NEED A SMART PERSON. I stomped on your fire, you choked on a biscuit. EVERY male employee of St. Francis Diner - m4m. Bus boyfriend..I want to smell you again. This was months ago.
April, maybe May. We only rode the bus together three times, only two times sitting together. The second I saw you, I smiled brightly, because you looked so nice. You were getting on the number 11 at the Lake Washington bus stop, at 9:35 on a Wednesday, heading downtown. You were one of the few people getting on the bus who had not immediately put out a cigarette or a crack pipe. Insanely Aggressive, Territorial, Guard Duck, (Muscovy) Gong Ringer. World's most uncomfortable saddle. Like a ghastly specter from your darkest nightmare, this saddle has returned from the grave seeking vengeance.
Its previous master thought it had banished it to the blackness of the abyss for good, but nay, it was only for an epoch. Features: *Steel rails forged by LUCIFER himself *Genuine Auroch hide seat provides maximum chafing I am reaching the end of my strength, as the madness contained within this dark artifact threatens to consume me. To the toast-hating man in the black shirt at denny's 10/17 in the AM - m4m. Dear sir with not enough text messages to respond to on your "fancy" phone,
The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed. So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other “partner” felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn’t her. Now, despite the fact that you’ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college. You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn’t let you have the remote, would she?) You’re not exactly at the top of your game, but what’s worse is that you don’t know where the kids will sleep.
Yea, the kids. Sound familiar? Plate of Melt in Your Mouth Peanut Butter Cookies with Furniture !!! No More Sex With Fruit. It all started when I started dating this women whom I was crazy for. Male Villain Seeking Female Arch-Enemy. Drunk girl wrangler. You stole my freakin' cameras. Hi, Last night you stole two of my cameras outside Angelica's Kitchen on 2nd Avenue and 12th street.
I figured you'd try to sell them here, unless thieves are photo enthusiasts. You might make an honest living taking photos of shit you stole, hell that might make a great Gallery Title, "The Shit I Stole: Reflections on Urban Living in The 21st Century". Bot seeking Bot - w4m. To the girl I had drunk sex with last night. Drinking in the U-District sure is fun, isn't it! You can end up doing the craziest things!
Such as getting drunk, and stumbling home with an equally drunk coed. All I ever wanted was to be woken up by your car alarm. No really, the sound of your car alarm going off six..sometimes seven times a day is truly a comforting sound. I especially like when it goes off at 1:00am...and then again at 5:00am. THANK YOU so much! Usually after the worst day of my life, it's the first and only sound that I want to hear. I'm the Girl that Ripped the Picasso Painting At The Met - w4m. To the man shaving on the dufferin bus - w4m. To the large bearded gentleman behind me in line at Dollarama... - m4m. Sunday afternoon, about... 4:30? I had just spent a good 20 minutes strolling through the aisles picking out my selection of items of questionable quality but unbeatable low prices, and now found myself in line to pay.
A letter to my dead girlfriend. Saw you leaving my moms house today... I Need a Harpoon. In the spirit of forsaking the mutually sexist paradigm of sexy Halloween costumes, I have decided to be an Eskimo. PDA couple, section 30 row 28 - m4wm. I hate what America has become. Dear stripper, You in the SNOW CAR. Yeah, YOU. I mean, DAMN. Sex duel with the neighbors. My girlfriend and I live below you. You puked on my leg - m4w (196 bus to York) Wingwomen wanted - $30/hr. Wingwomen wanted! A wingwoman is a woman who goes into a social situation with the purpose of helping the guy or guys she is with meet women. This is actually an extremely easy and fun job, but many women find it so counter-intuitive that they simply cannot do it. I'll admit it...you got to me... Looking for an average guy for average sex. Free stuffed walrus head. Shadow Kitty - Thank You. {area} best-of-craigslist. RE: Wanted: Chairs/Benches. Fulfill My Waffle House Fantasy. Parents - Please stop the madness.
UT Girls Not Brave Enough for Secluded Campus Encounters. You aren't looking for them, but I found your two dogs. Free 17' Canoe ** NOT seaworthy** Orange Popsicles. LOST: Tripod in a sewer.