"yeah thats not what I was looking for at all.". From: Shannon WalkleyDate: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15amTo: David ThorneSubject: Poster Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon. This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number. Thanks Shan. From: David ThorneDate: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26amTo: Shannon WalkleySubject: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, That is shocking news. Yeah ok thanks. From: David ThorneDate: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17amTo: Shannon WalkleySubject: Re: Re: Re: Poster I never said I don't like cats.
From: Shannon WalkleyDate: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24amTo: David ThorneSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small? Area Grandmother Comes Forward As 'Banksy' TM): Great quotes by comedians. Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. " --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money. " --Kevin Meaney "My mom said she learned how to swim. Get dressed NOW or you're going in your. Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations.
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child? "Witness: "I only have one, you know. " Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? "Witness: "By death. " Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse? " The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. Lawyer: "What is your date of birth? " Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house? " Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? " Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?
" Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all? " Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you? " Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ? " Lawyer: "What happened then? " Why americans should never be allowed to travel.
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii? " I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.
" Her response ... click. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada? " Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. A nice lady just called. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on? " Politics Explained. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. FASCISM: You have two cows. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. (Original source unknown . . . this version expanded and Illuminated by SJ.) Vikar's Rant: Dirty Jokes - Not So Dumb Blonde. Got a Job as a Stormtrooper. By Chris Bartlett, July, 2005 Recently I landed a great job at a video game company.
On the surface, putting on a helmet and storming into a 6-floor office building carrying a very large, weapon wouldn't seem like the most appropriate way to be considered for a job. Putting that aside, here's what I did... When I submitted my portfolio and phoned the company, the receptionist said, " I'm sorry, we have over 200 resumes of artists we're going through. We'll call you when we get to yours. " 200? So, I thought... this sounds like a job for TK409. I asked my wife about it and she was very uneasy about the idea, for exactly the reason I mentioned in the first paragraph. When I got to the location that Friday afternoon, I found a remote section of the parking lot and hid behind my car to suit up.
I entered the first floor lobby and headed straight for the elevators. So much for homeland security. I rode to the 6th floor and the doors opened. He was thrilled. If you try it, good luck!