6 Terrifying Children's Cartoons from Around the World. If there's one thing we know about kids' movies, it's that some of them can get pretty terrifying. And if there's one thing we know about foreign movies, it's that all of them are confusing and bizarre. Now combine those two things, and you get the following traumatizing scenes from cartoons around the world: #6. The Animals of Farthing Wood (Britain/France) -- Little Baby Cartoon Animals, Horribly Stabbed to Death For example, in one episode, the group gains new characters when two members of the party, the field mice, have little mice babies: "They're all so adorable. Surely adding kids to the cast will make the show more whimsical and fun, right? They couldn't have known they were trespassing on Vlad the Bluejay's territory. Holy shit -- there's more gore in that scene than in the entire second season of The Walking Dead.
They weren't just killed off subtly off screen: We needed to witness their horrible deaths, for some reason, and then watch their mother crying in sadness and guilt. The 5 Most Impossible Sniper Shots Ever Made. Snipers are the elite masters of the art of killing somebody from a distance before he or she has any idea what is going on. Of course, shooting from such a long range incurs a wide array of difficulties, leading to situations where making a successful shot is, by all logic and reason, impossible. It is in these situations where the best snipers sniff, wipe the sweat from their eyes and make the shot anyway. #5.
Matt Hughes Curves the Bullet Photos.com Welsh Royal Marine sniper Matt Hughes was participating in the 2003 invasion of Iraq, looking for a perfect occasion to shoot some dudes from really far away. Photos.com"Sir, I understand you didn't like it, but you've already eaten most of it. The Shot: The problem was that the wind was blowing tremendously. Photos.comSo that's what happened to all those road signs in the country! Cackling in the face of insurmountable odds, Hughes did his best to judge, based on the haze from the heat, how to aim the rifle to hit his target. . #4. . #3. 6 Stupid Gun Myths Everyone Believes (Thanks to Movies) Hollywood wants you dead. We said it. We don't know why. We don't know what they could possibly gain from it, but it's true all the same.
Hollywood has been teaching you lessons about guns for decades and decades. Hollywood wants you to build your entire understanding of guns based on the gun tropes they parade in all of their movies. Hollywood wants these gun rules ingrained so deeply in you that you apply these lessons in real life. Even though doing so will kill you. That's right. Dead wrong. #6. Most of you probably don't own guns, but you all have a pretty good idea of just how dangerous they can be. Or that famous scene from True Lies where Jamie Lee Curtis drops a MAC-10 down a staircase and murders half a Guantanamo worth of enemy combatants. The Geneva Conventions don't say shit about unmanned weapons. Alas, for the screenwriters of the world, modern firearms do not fire when dropped just a little bit. GettyAnd thus the great sport of Gun Toss was born. #5. . #4. Quick! 7 Old People Who Gave Retirement the Finger. Some of us can't wait until retirement so we can park our asses on futuristic hyperchairs all day, yell at kids who are jet scooting on our hoverlawns and quietly wait for death or the end of the world (whichever comes first).
But there are some senior citizens who aren't quite ready to give up just yet. These old people not only have more ambition than most of us despite being well past their prime, but they're also doing jobs most of us wouldn't even begin to consider. People like ... #7. An 80-Year-Old International Jewel Thief Getty Let's say you work security in a jewelry store and the proprietor lets you know that a very expensive diamond ring is missing. GettyAnd that's why you should always tear gas the elderly whenever you encounter them. The jewel thief in question is Doris Payne, and she is currently serving a five-year prison sentence for the theft of an $8,900 diamond ring. Payne's method was very slick.
MsnbcWheeling out just ahead of an incredibly slow-moving explosion. #6. 4 Beloved Fictional Characters Who Slaughter Their Own Kind. Of all the lessons we can take from the cinematic fable Blade II, the most important one comes when Blade's friend Scud betrays humanity for the chance to be a pet instead of livestock under the rule of vampires. He gives up on his species and joins the other side. Fortunately, the movie only tolerates this affront to biological imperative for about 30 seconds before exploding him to death for his transgression. It's a moral we like. We can cheer for Scud's death because it confirms what we've always known deep in our hearts: that every living thing has the obligation to perpetuate its species no matter what, and ignoring that obligation is to risk being detonated in a pink fog. Pictured: The wrong kind of propagation. But here's where the lesson gets muddied. Blade is still allowed to ram stakes through the hearts of vampires willy-nilly, despite being half vampire himself.
And Blade II isn't the only movie to preach that message. . #4. The Ultimate Betrayal #3. The 6 Most Quoted Pieces of Advice (That Are Usually Wrong) From birth, we've been inundated with one-sentence messages that are meant to be quick fixes for virtually any problem. You find them everywhere: songs, sitcoms, movies, novels. Pour enough beer into the biggest badass in the bar, and you'll find him hugging random strangers and spouting off generic "Be true to yourself" type advice and thinking he's a modern day Gandhi. That's not saying that the advice he's giving is necessarily wrong -- we've just been hammered with it for so long that we sort of just accept it as absolute gospel.
But just like any advice or random pill you find on the floorboard of your car, it needs to be examined before it's swallowed. Take, for example ... #6. "Follow Your Heart" Photos.com If there's one thing that Hollywood loves doing, it's trying to convince us that it's wise to ignore our responsibilities in favor of a reward that has virtually no chance of happening. "Luke, you turned off your targeting system. A Better Alternative: #5. Yes, it sucks. . #4. 6 Common Movie Arguments That Are Always Wrong. Everybody loves sharing their opinions on the Internet, sometimes about important, world-changing things like politics, religion, human rights or cat declawing, and sometimes about unimportant things, like movies. And as everyone knows, the best part about sharing opinions is the chance to smugly tell other people that their opinions are wrong. Almost every heated movie discussion has someone pulling out one of these stupid, nonsensical lines.
If you've ever called out the Transformers movies for being stupid, you've probably run into some idiot saying, "Well, it's just a big, dumb action movie with robots and explosions! If you don't like robots and explosions, you should go watch the artsy movies you obviously want to watch, like Atonement. " I'm not exaggerating, I've seen people who objected to Transformers' stupidity referred to Atonement, because that is obviously the kind of movie they were hoping to see. I don't want Transformers to be Atonement. Damn TV edits. 5 Sci-Fi Apocalypses The Government Is Actually Planning For. The government has to plan for every contingency: disease, famine, political instability, drought, weather, aliens, the plot of Armageddon coming true and protecting super-evolved man from his primitive cousins. There are actual plans for every one of those scenarios. There are entire real government programs devoted solely to thinking up ways to counter weather-themed supervillains and other outlandish threats normally relegated to the realm of science fiction.
Like these: Talking to -- or Covering Up -- Extraterrestrials Are we alone? Seriously. These are questions movies and television shows have been asking for decades. This film will be the blackface of the 24th century. So what is the government doing about it? Way back in 1960, when Americans were first getting a boner for all things to do with space (hereby shortened to "the Space-Boner era"), Congress commissioned an official report on what sorts of things could happen once we launched ourselves out of Earth's atmosphere.
"... 5 Movie Characters Who Were Wildly Unqualified for Their Job. Action and sci-fi films are filled with cool-looking jobs that we would die to have. Who among us wouldn't push down a small child for a chance to be a Jedi or a James Bond-esque secret agent? But they require a lifetime of grueling training, beyond even what we see in the montages. Hell, even Harry Potter had to spend six years in wizard school. Fortunately, if you lack the drive and dedication for that kind of career, there are other equally awesome fictional jobs that apparently just take a few days to learn. #5. The Men in Black are the best-kept secret on the planet. "You wouldn't believe how often this gets us laid. " So in the film, NYPD officer James Edwards (Will Smith) is recruited to be one of the MIB after he impressively chases an alien on foot for a couple blocks.
"He passes the 'have a beer' test. But, in a "it's so crazy it just might work" moment, Edwards does get the job and becomes Agent J. "I like the way you shoot children. " So What's the Problem? #4. . #3. 5 Animals That Are Terrifyingly Hard to Kill. The animal kingdom consists of a vast number of beautiful and intricate creatures who have learned over the eons to adapt to the world surrounding them--and that's totally cool, because if they come in our yard we can just kill them. Stomp on 'em, poison 'em, shoot 'em, hit 'em with your car--whatever. Mankind is a motherfucker, Nature, and until you "adapt" to death itself, you'll never take us.
Oh shit, no! Don't take that as a challenge! East African Giant Snails As previously mentioned, the East African giant snail is just like a normal snail, that can grow up to eight-inches long. Easily big enough to cross the cuteness threshold and venture firmly into "living slime penis" territory. "Did you just call me a living slime penis, dickhead? " Great! While seemingly identical in form to their adorable (and easily crushable) counterparts, the East African giant snail is the John McClane of the snail kingdom. Yippie Ki Yay, motherfucker! But come on! Sure, a little bit. They didn't. Seriously. 6 Fitness Tips Everyone's Heard (That Don't Work at All) So this last year, I've been trying to do the old lose-weight-get-strong thing, so I can fit into a bikini and smash through walls. You know, the same thing millions of other Americans are striving for. Deep down, we all want to be She-Hulk.
When I started out, I thought, naively, that different things work for different people and I should look around and try different ideas to see what works for me. I was a fool to have thought that. According to countless self-proclaimed fitness experts, there is only one way to avoid obesity and early death: their way. You MUST Eat Breakfast This advice comes with one or more all-capped words most of the time, for some reason, as if implying that if you DON'T eat BREAKFAST you might DIE. Why is breakfast so LIFE and DEATH? Via Spencer195The trays aren't bad, if crunchy. Unfortunately, studies show that's not the case.
My point isn't that you should skip breakfast. You Must Get Your BMI Down You can probably already see what the problem with that is. 6 Horrifying Implications of the Harry Potter Universe. We have a feeling that Harry Potter is never going away, in the sense that franchises like Batman and Star Wars never went away (and Star Wars never got its own amusement park). And why not? It's the perfect storm of wonder, charm and innocent, family-friendly adventure that everyone can enjoy. Which is why we love talking about how pants-crappingly terrifying that whole universe is. For instance ... #6. In the Harry Potter universe, the people in photographs and paintings can move and talk. "I am innocent but love screaming like a madman. " And as such, some portrait subjects serve as security guards for locked rooms, while others are used as errand boys to deliver urgent messages (they can travel to any room that also has a painting). Dumbledore is asleep all the time?
The Horrific Implications: Who cares, right? Especially if getting attacked and slashed up is just considered property damage. That brings us to our second point. One of the crappier animated gifs available. #5. "Arrgh! #4. 9 Foreign Words the English Language Desperately Needs. As we have demonstrated before, the English language has some grievous holes in it.
We're talking about everyday phenomena that we have all noticed, yet don't have terms for. Fortunately, while we were busy fumbling with hand gestures and illustrations like cavemen, other cultures just made up the perfect words and phrases to encapsulate those little everyday moments filled with ... uh ... je ne sais quoi. #9. Shemomedjamo (Georgian) Means: To eat past the point of being full just because the food tastes good. Here is a word that describes such a quintessentially American phenomenon it's shocking that another culture came up with it first. As absurd as that may sound, keep in mind that America has a holiday devoted entirely to shemomedjamo in November. GettyPatriotism comes breaded and deep fried. The literal translation for shemomedjamo is "I accidentally ate the whole thing," which is a charming way of saying "Oh my God, why isn't somebody stopping me?!
" Which neatly brings us to ... #8. 5 Great Men Who Built Their Careers on Plagiarism. As anyone here at Cracked will tell you, without even the slightest provocation, writing is hard. When the strain of coming up with new material becomes too great to bear, a writer has two options: He can pepper his work with penis jokes and pictures of cute animals (see our entry on T.S.
Eliot, below), or he can steal his words from a better writer. Occasionally, a brilliant (or at least sort of clever) mind comes across a bad spell of writer's block and gives into the temptation to be a cheating plagiarist. Sometimes this blatant plagiarism ends up being the catalyst that launches their career like a rocket powered by lies. What'd He Do? In a nutshell, Ambrose invented pop history. "You know, the Nazis had little pieces of flair they made the Jews wear. " Ambrose also wrote award-winning biographies on Presidents Eisenhower and Nixon. What's the Problem? In 1995, an almost unknown historian named Thomas Childers published the book Wings of Morning. Is That All? "Holy shit. Did He Pay? T.S. 5 Real Judges Who Put the Most Evil Supervillain to Shame. Michael "Creative Justice" Cicconetti Hands Out the Most Bizarre Sentences Ever Photos.com Judge Michael Cicconetti is by far the least evil person in this list -- in fact, we believe he's just honesty trying to do good.
He is also, however, by far the craziest. Via lcba-ohio.orgThey made him remove his "macaroni hat" for this photo. Cicconetti became known in Painsville, OH, for using his court to dish out what he calls "creative justice" -- unusual sentences involving stuff like holding a sign in front of the porn shop you stole from (while blindfolded), or being forced to spend hours with a pig or donkey for insulting cops and Jesus, respectively. Via Baptiststandard.com"And on mile five, you are to eat that donkey. One woman was sentenced to spend an entire night at a remote spot in the middle of the woods for abandoning 35 kittens that were dropped at her door.
Another man was given a similar sentence for playing his car stereo too loud. Photos.com"You like burning the American flag? The 5 Ballsiest Easter Eggs Hidden in Video Games. 5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women. 8 Classic Movies That Got Away With Gaping Plot Holes. 6 Real Planets That Put Science Fiction to Shame. 6 Real People With Mind-Blowing Mutant Superpowers. 5 Reasons Rats Are Way Scarier Than You Think. 5 Creepy Ways Animal Societies Are Organizing. 5 Creepy Forms of Mind Control You're Exposed to Daily.
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