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If there's one thing we know about kids' movies, it's that some of them can get pretty terrifying .
Snipers are the elite masters of the art of killing somebody from a distance before he or she has any idea what is going on.
Hollywood wants you dead. We said it .
Some of us can't wait until retirement so we can park our asses on futuristic hyperchairs all day, yell at kids who are jet scooting on our hoverlawns and quietly wait for death or the end of the world (whichever comes first). But there are some senior citizens who aren't quite ready to give up just yet.
Of all the lessons we can take from the cinematic fable Blade II , the most important one comes when Blade's friend Scud betrays humanity for the chance to be a pet instead of livestock under the rule of vampires. He gives up on his species and joins the other side.
From birth, we've been inundated with one-sentence messages that are meant to be quick fixes for virtually any problem. You find them everywhere: songs, sitcoms, movies, novels.
Everybody loves sharing their opinions on the Internet, sometimes about important, world-changing things like politics, religion, human rights or cat declawing , and sometimes about unimportant things, like movies.
The government has to plan for every contingency: disease, famine, political instability, drought, weather, aliens, the plot of Armageddon coming true and protecting super-evolved man from his primitive cousins. There are actual plans for every one of those scenarios. There are entire real government programs devoted solely to thinking up ways to counter weather-themed supervillains and other outlandish threats normally relegated to the realm of science fiction.
Action and sci-fi films are filled with cool-looking jobs that we would die to have.
The animal kingdom consists of a vast number of beautiful and intricate creatures who have learned over the eons to adapt to the world surrounding them--and that's totally cool, because if they come in our yard we can just kill them. Stomp on 'em, poison 'em, shoot 'em, hit 'em with your car--whatever.
So this last year, I've been trying to do the old lose-weight-get-strong thing, so I can fit into a bikini and smash through walls.
We have a feeling that Harry Potter is never going away, in the sense that franchises like Batman and Star Wars never went away (and Star Wars never got its own amusement park ). And why not? It's the perfect storm of wonder, charm and innocent, family-friendly adventure that everyone can enjoy.
As we have demonstrated before , the English language has some grievous holes in it.
As anyone here at Cracked will tell you, without even the slightest provocation, writing is hard.
It's one thing for a judge to be corrupt -- we sort of expect that to happen in all public jobs, because we watch the news. It's quite another for judges to be hilarious lunatics, criminally lazy schemers or just impossibly evil. Yet it happens, and more often than you'd think.