background preloader

Funny Stuff

Facebook Twitter

TheUglyDance.com - Turn yourself into an ugly dancer. JPG Dump. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Funny Anti Jokes. What are Antijokes?

Funny Anti Jokes

Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. We’ve just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn’t make the original cut (like comments) but they’ll be back soon. The Always Amusing Euphemism Generator. The Euphemism Generator can create up to 513,740,850 unique phrases!

The Always Amusing Euphemism Generator

But there's always room for more. Send your real or made-up euphemisms to "euphemism.generator [squiggly thing] gmail [dot] com" right now! (address obfuscated to annoy spambots) Internet Humor Archive - Simpsonisms. "Now son, you don't want to drink beer.

Internet Humor Archive - Simpsonisms

That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs. " "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. " "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. " "Marge, don't discourage the boy! "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. "To alcohol! "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode!

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Homer Simpson. Things People Said. Ordinary people can be drop dead funny.

Things People Said

Latest additions: 1/21/11 Human speech is directly responsible for almost every thought and emotion we have throughout life's journey. The complexity of language and the complex messages we use it to communicate leave the possibilities wide open for just about anything. Among other things, people can say things that are funny. We pay good money to see comedians say funny things, and a lot of them come through. This page features humor that bypasses that. Slips and Gaffes Accident Reports -- Descriptions of accidents as written on insurance claim forms. Questions, Suggestions, and Complaints Forest Service Feedback -- City folk suggest improvements to the outdoors. Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations.

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child? "Witness: "I only have one, you know. " Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? "Witness: "By death. " Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse? " The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 6 Rejected Milk Ad Campaigns (Even More Sexist Than The Original) from Funny Or Die and The 'Shop Shop. Post Randomonium - Let’s hope the zombie. Top 20 Trippy Sites. You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than to win the lottery. How To Be A Successful Evil Overlord.

How to be a Successful Evil Overlord by Peter Anspach Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice.

How To Be A Successful Evil Overlord

It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present... The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones. George's Humour - Some Children Are Quick.

American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention. Jack Black & Jason Segel's 'Little Drummer Boy' Things People Said: Patient Charts.