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BOAT CRIME » Archive » Wizards Are Assholes
July 19th, 2009 Oh, you’re a wizard Harry! Now that you know that, we’re going to sweep you away to a secret magical land where serious illnesses can be healed with the wave of a hand, fires can be extinguished by uttering a few words, and travel can be instantaneous! Isn’t that grand? But remember! You musn’t tell the non-magical people, who have had to work their fingers to the bone and stretch the limits of their knowledge to accomplish things that don’t even come close.Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins. I know this because my boyfriend Duncan and I moved from Montana to Oregon last month. But as harrowing as the move was for us, it was nothing compared to the confusion and insecurity our two dogs had to endure. Our first dog is - to put it delicately - simple-minded. Our other dog is a neurotic German shepherd mix with agonizingly low self-esteem who has taken on the role of "helper dog" for our simple dog. Neither dog is well-equipped with coping mechanisms of any kind.

