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Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think
We made a fancy PDF of this post for printing and offline viewing. Buy it here. Part 1: Meet Your Mammoth The first day I was in second grade, I came to school and noticed that there was a new, very pretty girl in the class—someone who hadn’t been there the previous two years. Her name was Alana and within an hour, she was everything to me. When you’re seven, there aren’t really any actionable steps you can take when you’re in love with someone. But for me, it became suddenly relevant a few months later, when during recess one day, one of the girls in the class started asking each of the boys, “Who do youuu want to marry?” Disaster. I was still new to being a human and didn’t realize that the only socially acceptable answer was, “No one.” The second I answered, the heinous girl ran toward other students, telling each one, “Tim said he wants to marry Alana!” The news quickly got back to Alana herself, who stayed as far away from me as possible for days after. Part 2: Taming the Mammoth No. Related:  Self-ImprovementSocial Skills

L’accoutumance hédoniste : prendre conscience de son bonheur Imaginez. Vous avez gagné au loto. À vous la Bentley avec chauffeur, la villa en Floride et les chaussons chauffants pour votre toutou. L’extraordinaire est devenu banal. « En psychologie positive, on nomme « habituation [hédoniste] » le phénomène d’usure et d’habitude envers ce qui nous rend heureux ou joyeux : dès lors qu’une source de bien-être ou de bonheur est présente chaque jour de notre vie, nous l’oublions peu à peu, et elle perd sur nous son pouvoir de nous rendre heureux. » Ça vous parle ? « Nous adorons tout ce qui est nouveau mais nous nous y habituons très vite avant de complètement cesser de l’apprécier. Et nous voilà, courant d’Iphones en Iphones, de bijoux en bijoux, pensant que le prochain Graal sera enfin le bon, celui qui rassasiera une bonne fois pour toutes notre soif de félicité intérieure. Alors, comment fait-on durer le plaisir ? Arrêter de vouloir posséder les choses simplement parce qu’elles sont belles. Pensez-vous être un accoutumé hédoniste ? P.S.

How To Get People To Like You Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. Meeting new people can be awkward. What should you say? How can you make a good impression? Research shows relationships are vital to happiness and networking is the key to getting jobs and building a fulfilling career. But what’s the best way to build rapport and create trust? Robin Dreeke can. Robin was head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program and has studied interpersonal relations for over 27 years. Robin is the author of the excellent book, It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone. I gave him a call to get some answers. You’re going to learn: The #1 secret to clicking with people.How to put strangers at ease.The thing you do that turns people off the most.How to use body language like a pro.Some great verbal jiu-jitsu to use on people who try to manipulate you. Here’s Robin:

GTD Toolbox: 100+ Resources for Getting Things Done Getting Things Done, also abbreviated as GTD, is a popular time management productivity method created by David Allen. The method is just as popular today as it was back in 2007 when we ran our GTD Ninja post featuring more than 50 apps to help you be more productive and organized. But there are a host of new applications out there to help you be even more productive this year. Below are more than 100 of them. What are your favorite GTD tools? Tell us more about them in the comments. Complete Solutions iGTD - A free Mac OS X app. Kinkless GTD - Free Applescripts for OmniOutliner Pro for implementing GTD-style task management. OmniFocus - A Mac OS X GTD system that also works with your iPhone. tasktoy - A GTD app that includes printable lists and mobile access. Todoist - A simple GTD app with a built-in calendar, Gmail integration, and more. GTDInbox - A Firefox addon for using Gmail for GTD. Nexty - A PHP GTD tool that you can install on a local server. TaskFreak! Collect and Process Notezz!

Psychic Vampires Psychic Vampires are not to be confused with the stereotype images of Vampires that are afraid of the light and suck blood from their victims in the night. The term "Psychic Vampire" is used metaphorically to refer to people whose influence leaves a person feeling drained, exhausted, unfocused, depressed, or chaotic. They are also known as Energy Vampires, Emotional Vampires, Pranic Vampires, Astral Vampires, and Elemental Vampires. For this page, I will exclusively refer to them as Psychic Vampires. Psychic Vampires in Human Form: These human Psychic Vampires are people that we have all encountered many times within our lives. • Bitchy People: People who bitch and complain all the time leave you with a negative feeling. • Needy People: These people are always needing your energies, your money, your time, and help on a constant basis. • Physically Abusive People: They drain your energies by beating it out of you. • Narcissist: The narcissist lacks self-esteem and feels empty.

5 Ways to Stop Worrying About What Everyone Thinks of You You could spend the whole year worrying about what other people think of you, but it wouldn’t get you anywhere. “What’s wrong with wanting others to like you?” That’s what several of our course members asked me in response to one of my recent course member emails. And I’ve been asked similar questions over the years too. In a nutshell, tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality. From wanting others to think we’re attractive, to checking the number of likes and comments on our Facebook and Instagram posts, most of us care about what others think. As we grow up, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from everyone else’s, but many of us continue to seek – and in many cases beg for – positive social validation from others. As human beings, we naturally respond to everything we experience through the lens of our learned expectations – a set of deep-rooted beliefs about the way the world is and how things should be. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

9-powerful-habits-for-getting-important-things-done-and-building-your-willpower- We all know that sinking feeling. A deadline is drawing closer and you haven't even started yet. You begin to panic and a dull nausea sets in. There is nothing worse than having two hours remaining to complete a project that you know will take more like five. You sit there saying to yourself, "Why didn't I get this started yesterday?" Wouldn't it be great to build the habits that will get you working on that project well before it is due so this never happens again? 1. Do you have a long laundry list of things you have to accomplish? 2. Sometimes, taking the opposite approach works best: Take on all the easy and smaller things on your list and save that huge project for last. 3. When we constantly bash ourselves for not living up to our own high expectations, we make ourselves feel even more defeated and less likely to produce anything at all. 4. Did you know that if you practice pushing yourself every day--even a little--your willpower strengthens? 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Stop Chasing Happiness: 17 Alternative Ways to Live a Great Life “If only we’d stop trying to be happy we’d have a pretty good time.” ~Edith Wharton I have a question for you. What would you be willing to sacrifice to be happy? Would you be happy to let go of Netflix? Would you be willing to take up a monastic life? Every single day of the year we’re being sold happiness. The problem with happiness is that no one really knows exactly what it is. So four years ago, on New Years Eve, I made the pledge to myself to stop trying to be happy. Don’t get me wrong. So instead of saying to myself, This year I’m going to be happy, I said, This year I’m going to try new things. And if I’m not happy, well, I’m not happy, but at least I’ve had some interesting experiences. The result of this was the best (and probably happiest) year of my life, at least up to that point. It’s more like a place you occupy than an object you obtain. A large part of what less than happy people have is a problem with their patterns of attention. 1. If you find yourself asking, Am I happy?

The skills gap at work … that no one is talking about The skills gap at work … that no one is talking about On Feb. 4, 2004, the first handful of users at Harvard University logged onto the newly launched, the predecessor to Facebook. Just a dozen years later, 2 billion people — nearly one-third of the planet — are on social media. The speed at which adoption has spread is almost certainly unprecedented in the history of the world. No wonder companies — and their employees — are struggling to keep up. Just one small problem: The contemporary workforce is woefully underprepared for the challenges ahead. What’s behind the social skills gap? The reason for this skills shortfall? At the same time, how social media is used in the workplace is fundamentally changing. Employees are being asked to apply social media in new and unexpected ways. But this approach only works if employees are on board and up to speed. Finding ways to bridge the social skills gap Fixing this social skills gap is no short order.

How to Be Someone People Love to Talk to When do we really learn good conversation skills? Well, we don’t. We’re just kind of expected to pick them up… And we wonder why people aren’t better communicators. How can you be that person people love to talk to? I’ve posted a lot of research and expert interviews on the subject so let’s round up the info and make it actionable. In this post you’ll learn: How to make a good first impression.How to be a great listener.What the best subjects to discuss are.How to prevent awkward silences.How to politely end a conversation. And a lot more. How To Make A Good First Impression First impressions really are a big deal and talking to new people can be daunting, no doubt. It’s simple, really. Social optimists, of course, are in the happy position of expecting to be accepted and finding that, generally speaking, they are. Don’t take the cliche advice and “just be yourself.” Smiles are powerful and make you more attractive. FBI behavior expert Robin Dreeke recommends speaking slowly. Wrong question.

How to Validate Someone The need for validation, whether conscious or not, is universal. We all want to feel acceptable, worthy, and not-kooky in other people’s eyes. But what is validation, anyway? Most of us are a little fuzzy on this concept, and for good reason: Validation can be hard to come by in everyday life. Let’s talk first about what validation feels like on the receiving end, and then we’ll look at how to do it. Validation is a Gift When someone validates us, we feel like we’re no longer alone. They’re not judging us for how we feel, so we can relax in their presence, and let down our defenses. Here’s a simple example: Ed: I don’t know why I can’t get over Pogo’s death. Teresa: You loved that dog, Ed. Ed: I still miss him every day. Teresa: Yes. In this example, Teresa is validating Ed’s feelings by making sense of them for him. By validating Ed’s grief, Teresa makes it okay for him to feel the way he feels. Validate the Small Stuff Teresa (looking anxious): I can’t play tennis with you today.

The lost art of memorization Sign Up for Our free email newsletters I have a pretty terrible memory. But hold your applause. Before every smidgen of knowledge was a mere Google search away, it was customary for students to memorize great works, from poems to famous political speeches to religious passages. Even some older generations might still remember being forced to commit text to memory in school. Nowadays, the memorization of prose indeed seems a relic of another era, a skill for a literal Renaissance man. "Punctuation plays an important role in that," said Geoffrey Nunberg, a linguist who teaches at the UC Berkeley School of Information. Several recent works have highlighted this. But Robson cautions against romanticizing a time when people had their heads full of memorized text. In fact, literary memorization is not yet a relic. His words made me turn over a part of myself I hadn't considered before, that brand of E.B.