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The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence

The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence
Some of the greatest moments in human history were fueled by emotional intelligence. When Martin Luther King, Jr. presented his dream, he chose language that would stir the hearts of his audience. “Instead of honoring this sacred obligation” to liberty, King thundered, “America has given the Negro people a bad check.” Delivering this electrifying message required emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. Recognizing the power of emotions, another one of the most influential leaders of the 20th century spent years studying the emotional effects of his body language. Since the 1995 publication of Daniel Goleman’s bestseller, emotional intelligence has been touted by leaders, policymakers, and educators as the solution to a wide range of social problems. Emotional intelligence is important, but the unbridled enthusiasm has obscured a dark side. Social scientists have begun to document this dark side of emotional intelligence. Related:  Emotional Intelligence

Stop Calling It Soft Skills! John Dillon is an entrepreneur who has been wildly successful as VP of sales for Oracle and CEO of start-ups that have been solid investments for staff and investors. His secret to success? John Dillon is empathic, caring, and effective in communicating both the big picture and the details. Tracy Ashdale is the executive director of Philadelphia-based Girls on the Run. She has built a program that offers training for coaches and transformative experiences for girls, empowering them to run a 5K while learning life skills. Rod Beckstrom, co-author of The Starfish and the Spider, is a serial success story. Kathie Powell is the CEO of Petaluma Health Center in Northern California. All four of these managers, as well as countless other leaders, are experts and experimenters in human skills. I think the following are human skills that every leader, manager, and employee must be encouraged to demonstrate (and we should evaluate their success): Advertisement

Stephen Covey on Developing Emotional Intelligence “I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ? Oscar Wilde Emotional Intelligence is essentially an ability, capacity, or skill to assess, manage, and regulate the emotions of yourself and others. Why is emotional intelligence such a big deal? … If you can’t manage your emotions, you crumble or snap under stress. If you can’t tune into others’ emotions and demonstrate empathy, you’ll have a hard time connecting with others. Yeah, emotional intelligence is a big deal. It’s a key for leaders and it’s a key for leadership. “”No one cares how much you know until they first know how much you care about them.” In the book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Stephen Covey acknowledges that there’s a lack of literature on how to develop emotional intelligence, and shares an approach for how to develop emotional intelligence using the 7 Habits. The Five Primary Components of Emotional Intelligence The 7 Habits and Principles

Emotional Intelligence: The Social Skills You Weren't Taught in School How to Be Emotionally Intelligent Photo What makes a great leader? Knowledge, smarts and vision, to be sure. Realistic self-confidence: You understand your own strengths and limitations; you operate from competence and know when to rely on someone else on the team. Emotional insight: You understand your feelings. Resilience: You stay calm under pressure and recover quickly from upsets. Emotional balance: You keep any distressful feelings in check — instead of blowing up at people, you let them know what’s wrong and what the solution is. Self-motivation: You keep moving toward distant goals despite setbacks. Cognitive and emotional empathy: Because you understand other perspectives, you can put things in ways colleagues comprehend. Good listening: You pay full attention to the other person and take time to understand what they are saying, without talking over them or hijacking the agenda. Compelling communication: You put your points in persuasive, clear ways so that people are motivated as well as clear about expectations.

Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence Executive Summary Often, emotional intelligence is the key differentiator between a star performer and the rest of the pack, yet many never embrace the skill for themselves. Do you think being liked at work is overrated? Are you surprised when others are offended by your comments, and do you feel like they’re overreacting? You might be lacking in emotional intelligence, but there are strategies to help you improve. A critical component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, so get feedback to help you understand what your problematic behaviors are. In my ten years as an executive coach, I have never had someone raise his hand and declare that he needs to work on his emotional intelligence. Take Craig (not his real name), a coaching client of mine, who showed tremendous potential and a strong ability to drive results for his company. Here are some of the telltale signs that you need to work on your emotional intelligence: So what do you do if you recognized yourself in this list?

3 Secrets That Will Make You Emotionally Intelligent Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. Emotional Intelligence. It’s everywhere. They won’t shut up about it. Face it: you don’t even know what an emotion is. And it turns out the latest research shows that the little we know about emotions is actually all wrong. Lisa Feldman Barrett is a Professor of Psychology at Northeastern University, with appointments at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. Buckle in. Time to fire up Occam’s chainsaw. Why We’re Wrong About Emotions Your fundamental emotions are hardwired and universal, right? And the latest research says that’s all wrong. People in Tahiti don’t have sadness. From How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain: Utka Eskimos have no concept of “Anger.” And other cultures have crayon colors you and I have never seen before. I know what many people are thinking: You’re cheating. Sum Up

25 Sharp Emotional Intelligence Interview Questions You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who would say they love attending interviews. No matter who you are or how experienced you might be, interviews tend to send a few nerves rumbling. It’s not so much the interview itself as the unexpected questions we might be asked that tends to get us worried. Basic questions around our skills and experience are generally easier to answer, but what about the questions like ‘How good are you at asking for help?’ or ‘How do you create balance in your life?’. These questions are a bit more personal. What Do We Mean By ‘Emotional Intelligence Questions’? You’ve no doubt heard the term ‘emotional intelligence’ thrown around a bit, especially over the last few years (and especially if you hang out on the Positive Psychology blog a lot!). To understand what we mean by emotional intelligence questions, it’s good to first understand what we mean by emotional intelligence. Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso (2008). 10 Interview Questions to Gauge EQ 1. 2. 3. An example: