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CRACKED: 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes

CRACKED: 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes
People who doubt evolution tend to have one main argument: "If evolution is true, why do we still see monkeys running around today, all chimp-like? Where are all the monkey-men I was promised?" Well, if you or someone you know refuses to believe that organisms change over time without proof on a monkey-man level, here are a buttload of animals in the middle of getting their evolve on. Elephants are Evolving to Lose Their Tusks (and Avoid Poachers) Here's a joke: What did the elephant say to the poacher? Getty"Stop! Sorry about that. GettyAnd ever since animal rights got involved, unemployment has shot up 300 percent. So elephants have decided to take matters into their own hands ... or trunks or weirdly rounded three-toed feet or whatever. By 2005, it was estimated that the tuskless population had risen to between 5 and 10 percent. GettyJust like your debilitating lisp after reading that out loud Which is incredible, because it's not like tusks are the elephant version of wisdom teeth. Related:  Evolution

The 6 Weirdest Ways Wild Animals Are Having to Adapt to Us Humanity's track record with animals has never been stellar. After centuries of ocean dumping, worldwide deforestation, domestication and overhunting, it's safe to say we've got a greasy, opposable thumb in every one of Mother Nature's pies. That's not to say that humanity's only effect on the animal kingdom is pure destruction; in fact, sometimes our ecological footprint looks more like a clown shoe. #6. Probably the only thing you know about parrots and cockatoos is that they can talk. After all, the pets that are raised among humans and learn (or learn to imitate) dozens of words sometimes either escape or are released into the wild. That's why people around Sydney, Melbourne and other big cities in Australia have found wild cockatoos using English phrases. Now imagine how crazy you'd think you were going if one day you were walking through the woods and you suddenly heard a disembodied bird voice tell you to eat a dick."Y'all bitches ain't shit AWWWK! #5. Photos.comProzac.

Biologists' discovery may force revision of biology textbooks: Novel chromatin particle halfway between DNA and a nucleosome Basic biology textbooks may need a bit of revising now that biologists at UC San Diego have discovered a never-before-noticed component of our basic genetic material. According to the textbooks, chromatin, the natural state of DNA in the cell, is made up of nucleosomes. And nucleosomes are the basic repeating unit of chromatin. When viewed by a high powered microscope, nucleosomes look like beads on a string. But in the Aug. 19 issue of the journal Molecular Cell, UC San Diego biologists report their discovery of a novel chromatin particle halfway between DNA and a nucleosome. While it looks like a nucleosome, they say, it is in fact a distinct particle of its own. "This novel particle was found as a precursor to a nucleosome," said James Kadonaga, a professor of biology at UC San Diego who headed the research team and calls the particle a "pre-nucleosome." These pre-nucleosomes, the researchers say, are converted into nucleosomes by a motor protein that uses the energy molecule ATP.

5 Ways Science Could Make Us Immortal We'll take back every bad thing we've ever said about science if it will just make us immortal. That doesn't seem like too much to ask. The thing is, it might be closer than we think. Unlocking What Your Genes Can Already Do Really, the only thing keeping you from having the lifespan of a vampire or a Highlander is an enzyme called telomerase. Bob Barker has none of that. So if you've decided you want to live until squid evolve to start swinging from trees, the first thing you should know is that while we accept aging as an unquestioned constant of the universe, it really isn't. With us, there is that enzyme, telomerase, which acts like the little plastic thingy on the end of your shoelaces for your DNA -- it keeps the ends of your DNA from unraveling. And one way or the other, the answer to aging is in our genes. And, one glorious day, the prehensile cock. Mind uploading is exactly what it sounds like: backing up your entire mind to a computer. Right along with the porn.

5 Reasons You Should Be Excited About Mars Today Perhaps the most popular cosmic story of the past decade was that Pluto was no longer a planet. Everyone shared it, and everyone knew about it. However, on a list of the most important scientific discoveries of the past decade, "Pluto is no longer a planet" ranks just under "everything else" and just above nothing. This evening, however, at about 10:30 PST, something pretty incredible will likely occur, and it has nothing to do with the Olympics. #5. Curiosity has been flying toward Mars for almost a year now. The hard part for Curiosity is landing, though. The above video describes the entire complicated process of Curiosity actually landing on the surface of Mars. mars.jpl.nasa.govBum bum buuuuuuuuum! And because it takes so long for a signal to reach Earth from Mars, we won't even know if it worked for 14 minutes. GettyYes, I meant literally. Now, I don't want to belittle the accomplishments of our Olympic athletes. So let us cheer for a robot today. #4. nasa.govRemember me? #3.

Cetacean Palaeobiology The archaeocetes are a paraphyletic group of primitive cetaceans that include the earliest, terrestrial 'whales'. The group consists of six families: Pakicetidae, Ambulocetidae, Remingtonocetidae, Protocetidae, Basilosauridae and Dorudontidae, although some scientists include the latter two in one single family Basilosauridae. The graph below shows, how these families are related to each other. Cetacean Evolution In order to understand the biology of the archaeocetes, it is important to first consider what sort of terrestrial animals cetaceans originally evolved from. The relations of early whales (archaeocetes) to artiodactyls and the two extant groups, odontoceti and mysticeti. But in 1994, Dan Graur and Desmond Higgins, two scientists working on cetacean gene sequences dropped a bombshell. Astragali of the Eocene protocetids Rodhocetus balochistanensis (left) and Artiocetus clavis (right), as compared to that of the pronghorn Antilocapra americana (centre). Protocetidae (Stromer 1908)

Grasshoppers frightened by spiders affect whole ecosystem Hebrew University, Yale researchers show how grasshoppers 'stressed' by spiders affect the productivity of our soil. How do grasshoppers who are being frightened by spiders affect our ecosystem? In no small measure, say researchers at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and at Yale University in the US. A grasshopper who is in fear of an attacker, such as a spider, will enter a situation of stress and will consume a greater quantity of carbohydrate-rich plants -- similar to humans under stress who might eat more sweets. This type of reaction will, in turn, cause chemical changes in the grasshopper and in its excretions, affecting the ecosystem it inhabits. How does this happen? When the scared grasshopper dies, its carcass, now containing less nitrogen as a result of its diet change, will have an effect on the microbes in the ground, which are responsible for breaking down animals and plants. Research on this biological-ecological phenomenon was carried out by Dr.

5 Tiny Computer Glitches That Caused Huge Disasters We've all done stupid things with computers at work. For most of us, this means facing the wrath of the passive-aggressive IT guy. But there are certain jobs where making the same mistakes can cost companies billions of dollars, and sometimes costs people their lives. #5. The Tiny Mistake: Typos are a fact of life for anyone who spends time at a keyboard. Getty"Teh? The Fallout: Google is the only reason the Internet can be as big and fast as it is and still useable. The Register"My God, the dicks must have reached critical mass!" Of course keeping up with the reams and reams of content pouring online at any given moment is no small order. One of Google's programmers was adding websites to the malware registry when he accidentally entered "/" instead of a full URL. Look waaaaay up at the top of your browser screen, above all those toolbars, and you'll notice an Internet address. GettyOr what the f-word is to longshoremen. #4. Hulu.comRewatching Family Guy important. Getty"Don't worry, sir.

X Things that only look trippy under a microscope (ph) Whoa. So deep down, every pina colada is like staring at peacock feathers after dropping, like, all the acid. We're surprised we've never pissed out Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat after overindulging on these. You might think there's some computerized color enhancement at play here, but that's actually a photograph taken by BevShots, which achieved the effect by allowing the drink to dry on a microscope slide, shining some natural light onto it and taking an extreme close-up with a plain old 35 mm camera. Let's look at a few more. Via Bevshots.comFaith and Begorra! What, not artsy enough for you? Via Daily Mail And while that looks like some kind of experimental artwork from the '70s, a margarita ... Via Telegraph ... is channeling Georgia O'Keeffe. We're honestly surprised by how beautiful all of these are. Via Daily MailIt's the only drink that judges you while you sip.

10 Animals You Won't Believe Are Closely Related Thanks to the know-it-all from second grade, we're all aware that dolphins and whales are mammals, not fish. But it's probably been a while since you've pondered just how incredibly, mind-blowingly weird it is that you and whales were the same animal more recently than whales and sharks. Or to put it in chart form, you and whales split up somewhere in the big tangle of bio diversity up top labeled "Age of Mammals" while whales and fish haven't been the same animals since way the hell down ... ... here where you see the word Selacchi. Courtesy of Getty Images." Turns out it's the same reason birds and bats both ended up flying around on wings: convergent evolution, the smarmy term for when completely unrelated species develop similar traits. Image By Glen Fergus What it looks like: You don't need your wife standing next to you screaming, "MOUSE! What it actually is: A tiny little mutant koala Image By Quartl Image By Cody PopeThe worst part? Image By Jagvar Via Wikipedia

Newly Discovered Legless Amphibians Are Horrifying | Caecilian Family Discovered in India | Amphibians & Vertebrates Newly discovered legless amphibians live out their lives in underground burrows, tending their slimy pink young, which emerge from their eggs as miniature adults. If they sound like something out of a monster movie, they look it too: These creatures, part of a group of animals called caecilians, could pass for enormous earthworms. But they're actually vertebrates with backbones, more like salamanders or frogs. The discovery of new vertebrates is rare, especially outside of tropical rain forests, but the new caecilians come mostly from human-inhabited areas in northeastern India. To discover the new family, researchers led by the University of Delhi's S.D. Biju and his colleagues, who report their findings Tuesday (Feb. 21) in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, dubbed the new family Chikilidae. Females of this family build nests for their young underground, laying eggs and coiling around them for the two to three months it takes the embryos to hatch.

A Letter to Parents About the Fake 'Teen Crazes' on the News Dear 50-year-old Me, This may seem strange, but I'm writing to offer you a little perspective and wisdom. I know people generally wish they could write letters to their younger selves, imparting all the knowledge they've accrued through life, but here's the thing: I don't believe that knowledge only builds in one direction. By now you probably know that teenagers are terrible. They can't be trusted. Of course, you were a teenager once too, but not like this. All of that sound right so far? No! What's a Rectal Beer Bong? A rectal beer bong is a craze among teens in the early 2000s. You may have also noticed that the video clip above describes vodka tampons which are equally as unbelievable, and that's exactly why I bring these news segments up. Look at them. And while it's possible that a teenager somewhere in the world tried these methods, this bizarre form of genital drinking is nowhere near the epidemic it's made out to be. This is where things get ugly for you, future me.