People are dumb
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She Says I’m Special She Says I’m Special: For about 6 months I hung out with this gorgeous, smart, and funny girl. I slipped into the friend zone but thought I was working my way out. She would call me up and in that sweet voice say “Want to go to the movies big boy?” followed by this giggle that could calm the spirits of the most restless souls. I met her friends, family, and even co workers.
If you ever needed proof that we are lost in a sea of pointless rules designed to make traveling (and indeed life in general) more difficult than it ever needed to be, this is it. The eminent minds at TSA saw fit to confiscate an armed soldier’s nail clippers because he might use them to take over the plane. At this point I would like to point out that he was not armed with nail clippers , he was armed with an assault rifle – which was apparently acceptable because it didn’t have bullets. The icing on the cake, swabbing all of the soldiers returning from a war-zone for explosives residue… of course they all failed – but not as hard as the guy who kept swabbing. In response to all of the comments, please read our update . [ Picchore ]
This is going to blow your mind, so steady yourself: A carton of eggs could potentially have eggs in it. Yes. Now you know the shocking truth. It's OK, we'll give you a minute to let it sink in ... The exact wording of this flabbergasting pronouncement on a carton of eggs is: "This product may contain eggs."
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After a day at the races in England, a friend told Mark Twain, “I wish you’d buy me a ticket back to London. I’m broke.” Twain told him he couldn’t afford two tickets but proposed that his friend sneak aboard the train and hide under Twain’s seat. Then he bought two tickets anyway.
The Worst National Anthem Fails The National Anthem is a challenging piece to sing. It's full of soaring notes, and there are three other stanzas no one ever learns because they're rife with imagery from the War of 1812, aka the One We Don't Study Because It Was a Tie. To top it all off, our anthem is based on an English drinking song , so it wouldn't be disrespectful of you to have a couple beers before attempting it. Heck, a good drink might even be a necessary step in remembering the lyrics. It certainly would have relaxed the vocal cords in these screeching and stammering singers, perpetrators of some of the anthem's worst renditions ever recorded (and then posted on YouTube ). Let's start with an uplifting one.
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.