Should You Fall in Love With a Shy Person? What a Pretty Face Can’t Tell You. Just what, exactly, can we learn from a pretty face? Because despite axiomatic warnings to the contrary, when we meet other people we spend an awful lot of time judging books by their covers. Encounter someone attractive, and it’s hard for us to look away . But it’s even more difficult for us to refrain from drawing bigger-picture conclusions about what type of person we think we're dealing with. Indeed, in a recently published study , Israeli researchers set out to test two questions related to our tendency to make assumptions based on physical appearance: 1) What are the characteristics we typically associate with attractive others?
2) What are the characteristics predicted by physical attractiveness? In their study, 118 female “targets” agreed to be filmed for 60 seconds while speaking in front of a camera. What did the judges’ responses reveal? But were these appearance-based inferences accurate? Interestingly, what related to how attractive a target appeared to be were her values. 10 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid. Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? Are you sometimes that person?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself. In The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed. , passive aggression is defined as a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). 1. Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. 2.
Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Batman Unmasked - The Psychology of the Dark Knight [Documentary] The Vanishing Self. Evolution of the Self. Introverted? Shy? How the World Misperceives Us. Photo by Greg at the St. Louis Zoo As a child, I was very introverted and quite shy . I had friends, but generally preferred spending time with one or two of them at a time. When in large groups such as Cub Scouts or less-structured social events, I generally felt out of place. I remained on the periphery and honed my observation skills.
It seemed everyone else was aware of a secret set of rules for social interaction. I didn't really know what to do. In high school, I was very quiet. Socially, I remained very reserved. Why did she ask this? These memories came back to me after my last post on PsychologyToday.com. I will give some examples in a moment, but let me make one thing clear. One reader thought I was making introverts into "this month's flavor of victim, not to be confused with last month's victims of bullying . " Ah, another assumption about introverts not liking people. Again, this is not to suggest introverts are superior. Here's a personal example. 6 Clues to Character. Seconds after Tamara was ushered into his office, Michael knew she was right for the creative staff of the advertising team he ran.
Within a year, they were not only a productive duo professionally, they were dating. She soon jumped to another agency largely so they could live together openly. A year later, they were married and enacting their plan to start a boutique agency together. Business grew comfortably although not spectacularly—until the recession hit. Having observed from a master how to initiate client contact, Tamara went into overdrive.
Michael, unflappable as ever, admired her indefatigability. The harder she worked, the more Michael's praise got under Tamara's skin; she grew to hate being viewed as indefatigable. It's taken over two rocky years for the shame , the anger , and the disappointment to subside. Even with children, development is not a mystery, says Susan Engel, a psychologist at Williams College. Intelligence: The Biggest Boon. How Your Greatest Insecurities Reveal Your Deepest Gifts. In my decades of practice as a psychotherapist, this is the insight that has inspired me most: Our deepest wounds surround our greatest gifts.
I've found that the very qualities we're most ashamed of, the ones we keep trying to reshape or hide, are in fact the key to finding real love. I call them core gifts. It's so easy to get lost in the quest for self-improvement. Every billboard seduces us with the vision of a happier, more successful life. Over the years, I realized that the characteristics of my clients which I found most inspiring, most essentially them, were the ones which frequently caused them the most suffering.
Some clients would complain of feeling like they were "too much"; too intense, too angry, or too demanding. Other clients said they felt that they felt like they were "not enough"; too weak, too quiet, too ineffective. Clients would describe lives devastated by codependency, and I would see an immense generosity with no healthy limits. © 2011 Ken Page,LCSW. What Are the 10 Top Words That Reveal Who You Are? What Matters to You and Why? If you want to truly connect with someone, talk about what matters...what really matters!
Too often we interact with others (and make judgments about them as well) based on very superficial information such as appearances. Or we don't feel that we really connect with someone partially because our conversation is about something that isn't very fulfilling or satisfying. We leave a conversation with a friend, colleague, love interest, or acquaintance feeling empty and unfulfilled. This morning at a breakfast meeting with several friends someone (who happens to be from Chile originally) made a statement that was very revealing to me regarding this point. He expressed his frustration that Americans too often in conversation focus on fairly superficial matters such as sports, family (and especially children's) activities such as vacations, school and extra-curricular activities, and such. He longed for deeper conversation among friends and associates about things that truly matter. LonsdaleA_0509_sls.pdf (objeto application/pdf) Altered Ego.
Lauren had been in one committed romantic relationship after another since age 16. It seemed simpler to negotiate life in tandem with a boyfriend, who could listen to her stories, stand as a buffer against her family, and supply emotional support in a steady, easy way. She thought of herself as skilled at relationships but weak in areas like self-reliance, independence, and simply being alone, and at first she was OK with it. As time went on, however, she found herself unable to end relationships even when they felt mired in humiliation and hurt. Her college boyfriend made brutal offhand comments; his reaction to the joyous Grateful Dead song "Sugar Magnolia" was to tell her "I want to feel that when I'm with someone, but I don't with you. " And still she stayed. If she wanted her life to work, she had to become independent—she had to change.
Lauren's effort to stand alone required conscious vigilance in the way an alcoholic must steel himself to avoid drink. The Power of Introverts: A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance. Do you enjoy having time to yourself, but always feel a little guilty about it? Then Susan Cain’s “Quiet : The Power of Introverts” is for you. It’s part book, part manifesto. We live in a nation that values its extroverts – the outgoing, the lovers of crowds – but not the quiet types who change the world. She recently answered questions from Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook. Cook: This may be a stupid question, but how do you define an introvert? How can somebody tell whether they are truly introverted or extroverted? Cain: Not a stupid question at all! It’s also important to understand that introversion is different from shyness.
Cook: You argue that our culture has an extroversion bias. Cain: In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. In my book, I travel the country – from a Tony Robbins seminar to Harvard Business School to Rick Warren’s powerful Saddleback Church – shining a light on the bias against introversion. Cain: Yes. Cain: Yes. The Secret Joys of Introverts. Miina Matsuoka lives by herself in New York City. She owns two cats and routinely screens her calls. But before you jump to conclusions, note that she is comfortable hobnobbing in any of five languages for her job as business manager at an international lighting-design firm.
She just strongly prefers not to socialize , opting instead for long baths, DVDs, and immersion in her art projects. She does have good, close friends, and goes dancing about once a month, but afterward feels a strong need to "hide and recoup. " In our society, where extroverts make up three-quarters of the population, loners (except Henry David Thoreau) are pegged as creepy or pathetic. But soloists like Matsuoka can function just fine in the world—they simply prefer traveling through their own interior universe.
Loners often hear from well-meaning peers that they need to be more social, but the implication that they're merely black-and-white opposites of their bubbly peers misses the point. Solitary Pleasures. Gender Differences in Personality Are Larger than Previously Thought. A new study confirms that men's minds come from Mars and women's from Venus. In an article recently published in the online journal PLoS ONE, Italian cognitive psychologist Marco Del Giudice and his collaborators compared the personality traits of men and women in a sample of over 10,000 people and found huge differences. Women scored much higher than in men in Sensitivity, Warmth, and Apprehension, while men scored higher than women in Emotional Stability, Dominance, Rule-Consciousness, and Vigilance.
When many personality traits were considered simultaneously, there was only a 10% overlap between the distributions of these traits in men and women. Essentially, the study suggests that when it comes to personality men and women belong to two different species. The personality data for this study were obtained from an existing database, in which 10,261 adults of US nationality were interviewed in 1993 to validate a particular personality questionnaire (16PF).