background preloader

Humor

Facebook Twitter

The Worst Possible Headline About The School Shooting In Ohio. Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend - nothingisreal.com. Tristan Miller German Research Center for Artificial Intelligence[1] 20 December 1999 Why don't I have a girlfriend? This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Not the author, though. Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend.

Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4] We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. …who are female: 2 941 118 000[5] I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. …who are beautiful: 1 487 838. The 420 Olympics. To get the 2012 Olympics, London had to win a seven-year bidding process, spend billions, and somehow convince the IOC that, unlike in '48, it wouldn't just rain the whole time.

The 420 Olympics

Now, without lying much, some Dallasites are putting on an exhibition that'll burn through even more green: The 420 Olympics. A totally worthwhile project from Whackbat Media, the event nicknamed "The Great Smoke Off" will pit fiending foes against each other for "stoner supremacy" in a thrilling multi-level competition that Whackbat's turning into a film short enough for the attention span of anyone who finds this kind of stuff hilarious. The challenges are as difficult for the stoned as they are not-difficult for the not-stoned: create the ultimate snack from five random kitchen items; desperately try to find a lost set of keys; even take a phone call from their moms "really super high", with the loser being the first one to cry.

"The Champion is the greatest champion ever. Sarcasm in Relationships. Sarcasm – a mocking or ironic remark (American Heritage Dictionary) Irony – the use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning (American Heritage Dictionary) Sarcasm is a large component of social interaction and conversation.

Sarcasm in Relationships

To demonstrate a sense of humor, people frequently use sarcasm as a means of “breaking the ice” during initial encounters with others. People also use sarcasm as a means of being comedic with groups of friends. Sarcasm is an indirect form of speech intentionally used to produce a particular dramatic effect on the listener (McDonald, 1999, p. 486).