Night o' the swallow. Durin the War, that wid be the Second War, it wis vital that we aw did oor bit fer the country.
Somewhere in between. Ah wis staunin up at the Tap o the Walk the other day.
Get oot o ma hoose! Weel hullo there!
Come in come in, ye're jist in time, ah've jist took ma rock-buns oot the oven, so they're nice an fresh fer ye. Ah hope ye like yer currants a wee bit incineratit, that's how ah like ma buns onyroads. Guid an crunchy oan the ootside, light an crumbly oan the inside. Ah hae tae admit it, ah dae a smashin rock-bun so ah dae. Weel there's nae guid hidin yer licht unner a bushel is there?
The Confrontation. Oh Hullo there!
It's you again, come in come in, sit yersel doon. Oh, afore ye sit doon wid ye pit that kettle oan? Ah wid dae it masel but ah'm a bit wearied. Symphony in blue. Ah've aye got oan weel wi the polis.
Ah wid aye hae a cup o tea ready waitin fer them if they were thirsty, ah wid pynt them in the direction the criminals had run, even if they werenae chasin ony, an ah wis aye at the ready tae blaw oan their whistles fer them. Some o ma freenemies used tae say ah wis a wee sook, but ah jist thocht ah wis bein a guid law-abidin citizen masel. Of course, ah wis right in wi them oan account o ma pal Jean D'Armerie, he had jyned up wi them the meenit they formed in Embra, an he even made his ain uniform, tho ye'll be gled tae ken it wisnae in rid silk. How tae be invisible. Ah wis rakin through ma box o auld photies an ah came across this yin o me an a tram up at Pilrig.
That's me wi ma new hat oan, ye can jist see me ower the shooder o the auld man in the bunnet. Ah mind buyin that hat, it cost me seeventeen an six in the New Year sale at PT's up the Bridges. Ah had tae staun in the queue fer three oors listenin tae ma pal Mima McCrudden gaun oan aboot her man an the bother she wis haein wi him. He wis either at the Clan or the bookies she says, an if he wis up at yin, he'd be doon at the ither. He aye went oan aboot how he wis a great yin fer the form an he could pick a winner fae a mile aff, but if he ever did, then he drank aw he won fer nane o it ever got back tae Mima. This wumman's work... Houdini. Hae ye ever done somethin that stupit that ye're black-affrontit wi yersel, but that ye're gled efterwards that ye did?
Well here's a wee situation that ah got masel intae, an believe me, ye'll be thankin me that things turned oot how they did. We're gaun back a wee bit now, it was afore the war startit, back when whit's noo the Festival Theatre in Edinburgh toun went by the name o the Empire Theatre. That wis back in the day when we actually had an Empire. Tap o' the city. Ah wis comin past Drummond Street oan the tap deck o' the number 5 th'day.
Ma myne went right back tae ma wee pal Maisie Crabbit. Puir sowel. Ah used tae pick her up early oan a Saturday mornin an' we wid gang doon tae Newhaven fer fresh-landit fish. Flooer o the mountain... So here we are then, it's Hogmanay again, an we've made it through anither year.
Maist o us made it onyhow, tho many didnae. Ran Tan Waltz. When ye bide up a stair ye get tae ken a lot aboot fowk.
It wis nae secret up oor close that Mary wis a bit o a drinker. Ye wid catch her gaun fer her messages at fower in the efternin. Far too late tae get fresh fish ah wid say. No that ah wid say it tae her face mind, ye widnae speak tae her then, no afore she'd been doon the street, or she wid bite yer face aff. She aye had her heid doon an wid hurry by ye. We'd heard a whisper right enough, some weeks back, that she'd been seen hingin aboot doon the fit o' Leith Wynd yin nicht. Well, if that wis her game it worked a treat right enough, mair than she wis bankin oan ah expect, for ah doubt she coulda foreseen whit wis comin. There they came doon the Bow an right past us. Whit ah rammy there wis gaun oan doon there that nicht. By-an-by, wee Jocky manages tae get things quietened doon, mainly by bangin twa biscuit tins th'gither. He calls oot "Dae ah hae ony bidders fer this fine wife? " This is where it got wild. "Doon wi men! " In the warm room.
Oh! Ah wisnae expectin ye th'day! Ye've caught me ridd-haundit haein a wee fly puff, gie me a meenit tae feenish it will ye? Deeper Understanding. Oor wee toun o Embra's been hame tae mony a great mind ower the years, an nane greater than the 'eminence grice' that wis Davie Hume. Born up the Lawnmarket in 1711, this wee laddie wis sae unco bright an sharp-mindit that he uptook a place at the University when he wis bare ten year-auld.
Can ye imagine ony o oor wee tykes fae the present day bein sae keen oan the learnin when they've got their X-boaxes an their Nintendos tae amuse thersels wi? Ah cannae see it masel. The Big Sky. Jamie Tytler wis a funny wee earnest sort o man. He aye luiket tired, like he could dae wi a guid nicht's sleep. Under the ivy. Ye wid think, wid ye no, that Edinburgh's New Toun wid be a grand place tae bide. Aw thae sweepin crescents, wide open boulevards, an elegant spacious apartments. As soon as it wis bigged it became the residence o choice fer aw the high-an-michty o Embra toun. Fae the sainted David Hume doonwards, the cream o Embra came flockin ower that big new North Brig tae stake their claim tae a wee bit o the Enlightened City. Enough they had had o smelly closes an draughty entrys, they wanted tae fu their lungs wi guid fresh air, an be thought o as civilised, as polite, as rational.
That aw sounds fair enough, ah hear ye say. Easy. Here. Breathin. Thon heavy people... Oh hullo there! Night Scentit Stock. "Gardyloo!! " That wis the cry ye wid hear aw ower Auld Reekie, ten o'clock at nicht an six in the mornin. The waddin list. As a professional stair-cleaner that taks her wark gey serious, ah dinnae mynd tellin ye how gled ah wis when they opent up the New Toun mansions, an efter that the Victorian tenements, fer an awfy lot o them had straucht stairs, ken, aw in a line, apairt fae mibbe wee bends at the tap an at the bottom.
They were an awfy lot easier tae clean. Easier that is than the auld turnpike stairs the Auld Toun wis fu o. Leave it open... Ye ken, some fowk tak their games awfy serious. Hammer Horror. Wi a title like that ye micht expect this wee story tae be a bit saucy an no awfy serious, but ah'm sorry tae disappoint ye. The man wi the bairn in his een. Blawn awa... That's me jist back fae daein ma messages. Ah went doon intae the Kirkgate. Strange phenomena... The Hound o' Love. The handsome cabin-boy. An dream o sheep... Runnin up that hill. Atween a man an a wumman... The Jig o' Life. Ah'm still waitin...