At this moment, a whole lot of people, most of them 15 to 20 years younger than me, are protesting in every major city.
The world is full of some pretty awful diseases, including but not limited to viruses that leave you with your limbs rotting off (CAUTION!
We may look down on all the primitive peoples who are confused by lightning and think thunder is the voice of the gods, but the truth is to this very day there are natural phenomena that our scientists still don't being to understand. We're talking about events that are witnessed by thousands, photographed, well-documented and yet are utterly baffling.
We like to feel superior to the people who lived centuries ago, what with their shitty mud huts and curing colds by drilling a hole in their skulls. But we have to give them credit: They left behind some artifacts that have left the smartest of modern scientists scratching their heads.
If you're anything like me, you had two parents: The Streets, and Pop Culture.
Objectively, we all know that, even when they look absolutely terrifying, most spiders are completely harmless.
Superhero movies are inherently absurd, and if you regularly make special trips to the theater to see them, you should feel bad about yourself. We know we do.
Look, I know it's highly unlikely that I would have ever been Batman, but I just didn't think the option would be completely off the table at this point in my life, you know? Yes, I'm poor, cowardly, out of shape and the only thing I want to "avenge" is that time somebody took one of my beers out of the company fridge without asking. But I guess I just figured that there was always time for my parents to be murdered, to win the lottery, and maybe to take a few karate classes.
Imagine a car that runs on tap water and never breaks down or needs replacement parts -- would you drive it?
As has been mentioned before, we here at Cracked hold a firm belief that robots are out to get us.
Children's cartoons usually present idyllic worlds full of innocence and wonder.
We've all been there: bored on a Sunday night, minding your own business and playing some video games, when some ostensibly more productive member of society happens by and asks, "Why are you wasting your time with that?
None of us can claim with a straight face that we've never done anything illegal, be it speeding, drunkenly stealing a shrink-wrapped pickle from a bowling alley or hunting the homeless for sport.