The 6 Stupidest Video Game School Commercials. If you watch TV during the middle of the day or late at night, market research has discovered that you're stoned, broke, lonely, uneducated and unemployed. For a for-profit college with a video game design program, that's like discovering your blind date is a sex addict. These colleges were so excited to tell you about your "future career in gaming" that they didn't have time to look up what any of those words meant. The confusion that followed led to these ridiculous commercials. #6.
Mindfire Academy Video Game Design Bootcamp Mindfire Academy takes a unique approach to its advertising. Because you're a contentious homely girl with a 14-inch TV? Wait, what are you talking about? Speaking of video games, that one will probably work better if you turn the controller on. The promise of cheap sex with unpleasant bitches does seem more realistic than the promise of a career, but does Mindfire Academy actually have some kind of vagina placement program for its graduates? #5. . #4. 6 Things Movies Love to Get Wrong About The Workplace. Hollywood loves to make movies about businesses, because that's where all the peasants in their audience work. But writers and directors aren't exactly corporate experts and often don't even know what an average office job is like. That's why they've come up with these weird misunderstandings of how companies work. #6. Owning 51 Percent of a Company's Stock Makes You Supreme Ruler The Myth: Countless plot points have turned on the "51 percent rule," where if you own 51 percent of a company's stock, you are the supreme ruler of the company and can do anything you want.
Here he is spelling it out in case you weren't following. Tons of other movies, ranging from The Secret of My Success to Richie Rich, have been based off of pivotal 51 percent moments, where the villain could only stare dumbfounded as the hero was discovered to have 51 percent ownership. Getty"Nyaah! The Problem: GettyAlso a legal term, referring to suing someone for so much money they can no longer afford pants. #5. . #4. 5 Ways to Stop Trolls From Killing the Internet. You might not be aware of this, but there are a lot of dickheads on the Internet. Since this phenomenon seems to get worse with the size of the crowd, it is theorized that we will reach a critical mass; an Asshole Apocalypse, if you will. That's when casual Internet users--and the corporations who want their business--will step in. There are ways to solve this crisis, but I'm telling you now, you won't like some of them.
But first, the problem... Right away let me shut down everyone who's snorting derisively into their can of Mountain Dew and saying, "Trolls will be trolls! " You should know that there are billions of dollars at play here. The trolls are driving away business, and that simply won't be allowed to continue. There are two huge, growing industries at stake: social networking and online gaming. Or it would be, if they could only convince everybody to use it.
Hell, look at this site. It's the same in gaming. Develop Anti-Troll Software I'm talking about programs like: Robot9000: 4 Awful Ways The Internet Is Tainting Everything Else. Years ago when the Internet was becoming a fixture in the average household rather than a toy for tech geeks, mainstream media was filled with stories promising that one day everything would run off the Internet pipeline.
Holy shit were they right -- last year for Christmas, I got David Wong's dog a collar that allows it to post on its own Twitter account. He in turn got me the gift I had just given him, soaked in his urine. But on a cultural level, we assumed this meant that the internet would stop being a geek thing. After all, if everyday life occurred on the Internet, then the Internet would no longer just be anime and superheroes and zombies. But the opposite happened -- the real, non-Internet world instead became infected by the obsessions and memes of Internet geeks ... only they've been twisted, spoiled and recycled until we're all ashamed to have ever been associated with them.
I'm talking about shit like ... #4. Whaaa, whaaaaaaa ... HAHAHA! #3. And then you have zombies. 6 Video Games That Just Didn't Get It (And 6 That Did) When it comes to developing video games, it turns out that "Kick Ass And Be Awesome" isn't a specific enough mission statement. You can't blame people for all the games that suck, because anyone who went into gaming and ended up making Bratz: The Movie for Wii no longer counts as a person.
Their dreams have been murdered so brutally they couldn't get work as a Dementor because they'd make their coworkers uncomfortable. That's why designers tend to make such terrible My Little Pony games: They're trying to warn children that dreams can hurt before it's too late. But this is a list of much less excusable misfires -- games that used real effort and missed the point harder than SEGA, and they added furry romance to a game about a killing robots with spikes. #6. Survival Horror Should Be Scary Every window installed by Umbrella corporation comes with a free monster. Got it: Silent Hill Anyone who didn't piss themselves at this point is lying or dehydrated. The core difference was effort. . #5. 5 Personality Flaws Skyrim Forces You To Deal With. Quick: Look to your left, then look to your right. One of those people is a nerd. It's easy to tell which one, just look for the nerd-shaped hole in the universe where a person used to be.
If you've been wondering why it's the geek rapture out there, it's because November is like gaming's sweeps month. Anybody with excess funds and poor impulse control problems is slowly starving to death in front of their computer or console right now. . #5. One of the first things my wife said, after watching me play Skyrim for a few minutes, was, "What must the computer think of you? " That's because this is my play-style: "Is that a cave? Watching me play Skyrim is like reading one of those Family Circus cartoon maps if little Billy paused periodically to fire an arrow into the back of somebody's head to steal their magical boots. "Yes, I will be doing this for hours. " -- Me, I guess? #4. That's kind of the point of the game: Let's get to the bottom of this dragon business. #3. That it's irrelevant? The 5 Most Horrifyingly Wasteful Film Shoots.
Whether you're watching a bunch of environmentally conscious shows during NBC's "Green Week" or taking in cautionary tales like The Day After Tomorrow, it's obvious Hollywood cares about our fragile environment. Or at least they want us to think they do. When it comes time to getting just the right shot, wiping out a big hunk of ecosystem is considered a small price to pay. For instance ... #5. As ridiculous film shoots go, few can top Apocalypse Now.
"CUT! But then there's the most iconic shot in a film full of iconic shots, the opening scene of the palm trees burning under a storm of napalm as Jim Morrison wails over the top about Oedipus and the transient nature of existence. After all, it's an impressive special effect for 1979. Surprise! That's pretty much it. Getty"Now we'll highlight the tragic reality of unwanted puppies by throwing this sack in the river.
" Then again, this was the 1970s. . #4. "Fronds with Benefits? Environmentalists were understandably furious. . #3. Wait, what? 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths From History (You Probably Believe) Since the sexual revolution of the '60s, we tend to think that sexuality from the Baby Boomers back to the beginning of time was a long history of repressed urges, prudish fundamentalist restrictions and brutal rape politics. But it turns out that a lot of what BBC dramas tell you about sex in history is just a fanciful cover for sex lives that didn't differ that much from our own. Myths that persist to this day include ... #5. Victorians Were Repressed and Sexless When you think about the Victorian era, you probably remember a whole bunch of jokes about how women couldn't show their ankles without it being considered indecent exposure.
Queen Victoria is rumored to have told her daughter to "just lie back and think of England" when the princess was concerned about having to fulfill her wifely duties on her wedding night. GettyWe can barely conceal our boners right now. The Reality: It's true that Victorians weren't exactly into halter tops and assless pants. Hidden MysteriesClassy. . #4. . #3. 7 Movies That Put Insane Work Into Details You Didn't Notice. Easter eggs are usually kind of a bum deal. Sure, when you finally find one it's like having a secret conversation with your favorite director ... but he's kind of a jerk, the conversation is one-sided and it's usually all about how much of a loser you are for spending a hundred hours sifting through the special features on your Firefly DVD just to find something Joss Whedon slapped together in five minutes.
What follows are the direct opposite of that: These are seven instances where the creators poured their blood, sweat and several other more unsavory fluids into creating something and put it right in front of your face ... and you didn't even notice. Now who's the jerk, huh? #7. When making Se7en, David Fincher knew that the movie's strength relied on "John Doe" being as deeply unsettling as possible. There's something unsettling about that word scrawled in blood on the floor, but we can't put our finger on it.
No, seriously, like a total goddamn maniac. And you don't stop ... #6. . #5. The 5 Hardest, Most Pointless World of Warcraft Achievements. If you're a gamer, you're probably familiar with "achievement" systems, where you get a little virtual badge every time you complete a game goal, like finish a level, or some arbitrary task the developer happened to think of, like collect all the pink-colored guns in the game. The Xbox Live Gamerscore system is basically the grandfather of all achievement systems. It's so common it's sort of an inside joke among gamers. World of Warcraft picked up on the system soon enough, once they realized the potential. You see, plenty of people were already hooked on WoW because of the sense of accomplishment -- gaining levels, killing bosses, getting fancy weapons and armor -- from just playing the game content as it was designed. The thing is, there were players on either side of that bell curve (super hardcore or super casual) that weren't quite as hooked as they could be.
This is the ideal, you see. Enter the achievement system. And you can't let the hat fall off. School of Hard Knocks. 5 Soldiers Whose Horrific Injuries Only Made Them Angry. It should come as no surprise that battlefields see their share of brave men. Every once in a while, however, they see a man with a special kind of bravery, the kind that borders on suicidal. The spirits of such men can't be cut down, even if their bodies are. In fact, disabling them often just makes them all the more fearsome ... Stephen "Turbo" Toboz The Express When someone who is not a cartoon character is called "Turbo," it is usually safe to start screaming bullshit.
Via sealswcc.com"Push-ups in the sand? He made it through the training, naturally, and became a fully fledged SEAL who eventually wound up fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. Via sealswcc.com"Also, Steve spilled his Slurpee all over the dash. " As the team leader ordered them to withdraw, Turbo was hit by automatic weapon fire that somehow spiraled around his left leg, shattering bones and punching a hole the size of a fist in his calf. The ExpressWinners don't do drugs! This went on for 18 fucking hours. No kidding. 5 Soldiers Who Kicked Ass In the Face of Death (and Logic)
Reckless charges into danger make for great action movie scenes, but not good battle strategy. Every great military mind can tell you that victory is all about knowing when to back down, to come back at a time when the advantage is in your favor. These men disagreed. #5. Eric James Brindley Nicolson Keeps Flying -- and Fighting -- While on Fire The Man: In 1940, WWII was going badly for the British. Wikipedia"I've discovered fascism's lone weakness: alcoholic courage. " Royal Air Force fighter pilot Eric J. The Perseverance: On August 16, 1940, Nicolson was part of an attack against German bombers that were trying their level best to relocate British soil into British atmosphere.
While swooping in on a formation of Nazi planes, he was suddenly strafed by a Messerschmitt fighter. Also, his cockpit was now on fire. valkaThat isn't a euphemism, but it probably should be. The Spitfire Story"Burning alive ain't nothin' but a thing. " He gave fiery chase to the German plane, and shot it down. . #4. . #3. 8 Gadgets That Lie to You Every Day. Back in the old days, we didn't have all these gadgets to tell us how full something was or how hot the day was, we just looked at the thing or noticed how much we were sweating. Now that we have all the fancy gauges and buttons modern life provides to us, we may have gotten a little bit overdependent on them. As it turns out, many of these gadgets are scarily inaccurate or even deliberately configured to lie to and appease us. #8.
Fuel Gauges Getty For most people, there's no mystery to fuel gauges other than "Why is something spelled 'gauge' when it is pronounced 'gage'? " The gas tank is 100 percent full when the needle is pointing to "F" and completely empty when the needle is at the bottom, right? Actually, no.
The biggest reason for this is the float used to measure your gas level, which is a bulb on an arm like the one in your toilet tank. For the exact opposite reason, you can go from almost empty to empty without the arm moving. GettyIt's not like math has ever helped anything. #7. World of Warcraft: A 12-Step Program. Everyone says World of Warcraft is addictive. On the one hand, it's hard to imagine a video game being classified in the same way as a physical substance like alcohol. On the other hand, it's obvious Blizzard can make addictive games, because we were playing Diablo 2 right up until we switched to World of Warcraft.
And on the other other hand, hey, we've now got a third mutated hand, and hopefully that will give us +2 strength, and then we can equip the... Okay, it's addictive. Maybe we can combat it the same way people combat alcohol addiction. . #1. Well, our unmanageable lives were sort of why we started playing WoW in the first place. . #2. Absolutely true. . #3. If by "God" you mean "Guildmaster," then yes. . #4. We do this every few minutes. . #5. Look, we're sorry about aggro'ing all those dragons, okay? #6. Our character definitely has some defects, and we're ready to have them removed. . #7. . #8. . #9. . #10. We assure you, inventory will continue to be taken very personally. . #11. . #12. 5 Disturbing Ways the Human Body Will Evolve in the Future. We don't think of ourselves as changing: We're the same basic meat-popsicles we've always been. But some of the surprising changes that the future holds in store for the human body are ball-shatteringly disturbing, so you'd better have an iron stomach if you plan on reading this (though if not, don't worry; thats probably in the pipeline too).
Tragedy struck Ged Galvin, a 55-year-old English man from South Yorkshire, when he was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident. His injuries were so extensive that, even after his many surgeries, doctors informed him he would have to use a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. Then crazier, more awesome doctors that had seen some Six Million Dollar Man re-runs recently, stepped in and informed him to fuck that noise.
Ged, they said. "The patient's lost the use of both arms below the elbow, so of course I recommend we install Flamethrower Hands. " "Baby, no! Pictured: Wang Wrangling. "But how does this change the human body? " "We must save him! 6 Ways World of Warcraft is Worse Than Real Life. The 7 Most Elaborate Dick Moves in Online Gaming History. 6 Bizarre Forms of Discrimination That Can Lose You a Job. The 5 Scientific Experiments Most Likely to End the World.
5 Ways Science Could Make Us Immortal. 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes. 5 Tiny Computer Glitches That Caused Huge Disasters. A Letter to Parents About the Fake 'Teen Crazes' on the News. The 10 Most Insulting Things Video Games Charged Money For. 6 Happy Endings That Accidentally Screwed The Movie's Hero. 7 Useful Genetic Experiments That Are Creepy As Hell.