love & relationships
But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage. “The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, , social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”
How do we first begin to experience love? Perhaps as babies, as early psychoanalysts Fairbairn and Guntrip believed, the only way we could feel loved was by having our needs met. The language of bodily transformation was the language of love. Mommy feeds us, changes our diaper or picks us up and we feel satisfied.
I curse in session too regularly, and should probably be more ashamed of my potty mouth than I am. I can talk frankly about anything from money to masturbation without blinking an eye. I can discuss the darkest sins, the deepest shames, give words to feeling states that are subtle, terrifying, violent, kinky, mystical and murderous.
by Maria Popova On how to connect without getting pricked. In January of 2010, PBS aired a fascinating series titled This Emotional Life , exploring cutting-edge insights from cognitive and behavioral science to explain some of the “why” behind a wide range of mental illness and mental health, from addiction to depression to resilience. The series featured a number of prominent authors, psychologists, clinicians, and other public figures, discussing the science and everyday grit of these complex issues. Among them was Elizabeth Gilbert , who authored Eat, Pray, Love and gave one of the best TED talks of all time .
Black Friday is upon us. And as we've come to expect with the arrival of our favorite American holiday, there have been huge sales, massive crowds, and the trampling of workers and pregnant women . Actually, those tramplings occurred three years ago. This year, the American public has moved on to a more popular method of violence: pepper spray . An unidentified woman at a Wal-Mart in Porter Ranch, California, pepper sprayed other customers in an attempt to keep them away from the merchandise she wanted. One wonders if she had been inspired by the UC Davis cop.
by Maria Popova What Oscar Wilde has to do with Hippocrates and the neurochemistry of romance. It’s often said that every song, every poem, every novel, every painting ever created is in some way “about” love.
In the early days of a new romance, it's oh so easy to let friends, work and other areas of your life fall by the wayside as you spend all of your time focused on your new love. In many ways, this all-consuming love can be a lot like an addiction, with each condition characterized by a lack of control, or even a sense of obsession. When psychiatrist Donatella Marazziti studied the brain chemistry of people in love, she found that the levels of serotonin in their brains were much lower than normal [source: BBC ].
Love Fitness: Are You in Shape for Your Next Relationship? by Joy Nordenstrom, CMM, MBA | The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.comAs you jump into your workout, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you are definitely on the right track—you are taking care of yourself, your body. This is an excellent step in becoming ready for love. As a certified matchmaker and love coach, I constantly hear the laundry list of what people want in a partner. More often than not, the list includes someone who takes care of himself or herself inside and out, is attractive, emotionally secure, thoughtful and interesting. After hearing their list, I ask “What have you done or are doing to be the best lover and partner you can be?” If you are lucky enough to find your most perfect partner, will you be prepared to be their most perfect partner in return?
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True love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love…it is correct to say, ‘Love is as love does.’” ~ SCOTT PECK Romanticized ideals for love, and romantic love that leads to long term healthy companionship love with all the trimmings, produce two dramatically different outcomes . Many of the futile attempts of partners to get the love they want in their couple relationships today have to do with “romanticized love” ideals, infused into Western society during the Middle Ages.
"...Loves me, loves me not" An unexpected and unwanted breakup can cause considerable psychological distress. People report feeling as if they have been kicked in the stomach or blindsided and knocked down. Feelings of rejection and self-doubt are common, as is the feeling of being stuck and unable to let go, even when one wants to.
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Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it we bless and are blessed. -- John Tarrant There is an epidemic ravaging the health and happiness of American families. We simply have no time for each other. All of our attention is paid elsewhere.
During the last ten years there has been a revolution in understanding and treatment of extra-marital affairs driven by the seminal research and clinical work of Snyder, Baucom, and Gordon. Their book "Getting Past the Affair" is the gold standard of self-help books on this topic. I want to address a seldom discussed issue: sexual recovery from an affair. The traditional therapy model emphasized a hierarchical approach to treating affairs: 1. understand what caused the affair, 2. focus on the role of the "infidel" and effects on the "victim," 3. focus on feelings of betrayal, 4. work to rebuild trust, and 5. after a period of months or years explore couple intimacy.
Let me tell you what kills the luster of life for me. It's the endless stream of evolutionary biological explanations for everything that happens between men and women! I was recently reading an article about the so-called "cougar" phenomenon: older women dating, and sometimes even marrying, younger men. In the course of an otherwise reasonable argument, the author casually refers to the fact that scientists have determined that older women have higher sex drives than younger ones because they are desperate to take advantage of their waning reproductive years.