love & relationships
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I can discuss the darkest sins, the deepest shames, give words to feeling states that are subtle, terrifying, violent, kinky, mystical and murderous. I can use and parse my counter-transferential, intersubjective, empathic and projectively identified responses through some pretty tricky co-created therapeutic enactments. I’ll speak all around it.
Unspoken
In January of 2010, PBS aired a fascinating series titled This Emotional Life , exploring cutting-edge insights from cognitive and behavioral science to explain some of the “why” behind a wide range of mental illness and mental health, from addiction to depression to resilience. The series featured a number of prominent authors, psychologists, clinicians, and other public figures, discussing the science and everyday grit of these complex issues. Among them was Elizabeth Gilbert , who authored Eat, Pray, Love and gave one of the best TED talks of all time . Gilbert relays the porcupine dilemma made famous by German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer — a beautiful metaphor for how we choose to go through the world and relate to others, in a quest to master the intricate balance of protective self-containment and the vulnerability necessary for the warmth of true intimacy. Brain Pickings has a free weekly newsletter and people say it’s cool .
Elizabeth Gilbert on What the Porcupine Dilemma Can Teach Us About the Secret of Happiness | Brain Pickings
Buddha Buzz: Black Friday, Gray Mice, and White Wives | Tricycle
Black Friday is upon us. And as we've come to expect with the arrival of our favorite American holiday, there have been huge sales, massive crowds, and the trampling of workers and pregnant women . Actually, those tramplings occurred three years ago. This year, the American public has moved on to a more popular method of violence: pepper spray . An unidentified woman at a Wal-Mart in Porter Ranch, California, pepper sprayed other customers in an attempt to keep them away from the merchandise she wanted. One wonders if she had been inspired by the UC Davis cop.
Why We Love: 5 Must-Read Books on the Psychology of Love | Brain Pickings
It’s often said that every song, every poem, every novel, every painting ever created is in some way “about” love. What this really means is that love is a central theme, an underlying preoccupation, in humanity’s greatest works. But what exactly is love?
Lower costs, increase transparency, become a "rabbit" (NEWSER) - Forget the usual advice on reawakening your love life: more foreplay, sex journals, role-playing. Instead, try economics. Today’s couples can’t afford “excess time and energy,” write Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson in the Daily Beast . Drop the cost, and you’ll increase demand, “as any economist will tell you.”
Romance and Relationships Study: Nearly 25% of Men Take Just 'Seconds' to Fall in Love
Is love an addiction? - Curiosity
In the early days of a new romance, it's oh so easy to let friends, work and other areas of your life fall by the wayside as you spend all of your time focused on your new love. In many ways, this all-consuming love can be a lot like an addiction, with each condition characterized by a lack of control, or even a sense of obsession. When psychiatrist Donatella Marazziti studied the brain chemistry of people in love, she found that the levels of serotonin in their brains were much lower than normal [source: BBC ].
Love Fitness: Are You in Shape for Your Next Relationship? by Joy Nordenstrom, CMM, MBA | The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com
As you jump into your workout, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you are definitely on the right track—you are taking care of yourself, your body. This is an excellent step in becoming ready for love. As a certified matchmaker and love coach, I constantly hear the laundry list of what people want in a partner. More often than not, the list includes someone who takes care of himself or herself inside and out, is attractive, emotionally secure, thoughtful and interesting. After hearing their list, I ask “What have you done or are doing to be the best lover and partner you can be?” If you are lucky enough to find your most perfect partner, will you be prepared to be their most perfect partner in return?
Goodbye Crazy Love, A Cure for Infatuation Junkies | Psychology Today
Or, visit the Therapy Directory and browse detailed listings of psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists and counselors throughout the United States and Canada.
The Neuroscience of Romanticized Love – Part 1: Emotion Taboos | Neuroscience and Relationships
True love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love…it is correct to say, ‘Love is as love does.’” ~ SCOTT PECK Romanticized ideals for love, and romantic love that leads to long term healthy companionship love with all the trimmings, produce two dramatically different outcomes . Many of the futile attempts of partners to get the love they want in their couple relationships today have to do with “romanticized love” ideals, infused into Western society during the Middle Ages.
"...Loves me, loves me not" An unexpected and unwanted breakup can cause considerable psychological distress. People report feeling as if they have been kicked in the stomach or blindsided and knocked down. Feelings of rejection and self-doubt are common, as is the feeling of being stuck and unable to let go, even when one wants to.
The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups | Psychology Today
WEDNESDAY, May 18 (HealthDay News) -- Voter registration cards may offer more insight into who people promise to love and cherish than personality or appearance, new research suggests. Most people marry those whose political views align with their own, according to a study from Rice University and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. The study, published recently in the Journal of Politics , examined the physical, personality and behavioral traits of more than 5,000 married couples in the United States.
Politics May Trump Looks, Personality in Matters of the Heart
One of the most common relationship concerns we have found in our Marriage Checkup study is that partners stop paying attention to each other in the struggle to accomplish the myriad demands of the day. We are all, so many of us, so monstrously busy on a day-to-day basis that we practically tremble under the strain of it all. To make ends meet, we both work full time with all the stress and scrambling and never-caught-up-ness which that entails, and the attention it demands. We attend to the needs of our children. Doing our best. Stumbling and uncertain, making our best guesses and so many little, and big, mistakes.
Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love | Psychology Today
Sexual Recovery from an Extramarital Affair | Psychology Today
During the last ten years there has been a revolution in understanding and treatment of extra-marital affairs driven by the seminal research and clinical work of Snyder, Baucom, and Gordon. Their book "Getting Past the Affair" is the gold standard of self-help books on this topic. I want to address a seldom discussed issue: sexual recovery from an affair. The traditional therapy model emphasized a hierarchical approach to treating affairs: 1. understand what caused the affair, 2. focus on the role of the "infidel" and effects on the "victim," 3. focus on feelings of betrayal, 4. work to rebuild trust, and 5. after a period of months or years explore couple intimacy.Let me tell you what really kills the luster of life for me. It's the endless stream of evolutionary biological explanations for everything that happens between men and women! I was recently reading an article about the so-called "cougar" phenomenon: older women dating , and sometimes even marrying, younger men. In the course of an otherwise reasonable argument, the author casually refers to the fact that scientists have determined that older women have higher sex drives than younger ones because they are desperate to take advantage of their waning reproductive years.
Enough with Evolutionary Biology! | Psychology Today
He lost 46 years of memories in an instant (NEWSER) - When 46-year-old Scott Bolzan slipped and fell in 2008, he suffered a brain injury that instantly wiped out all of his memory, writes his wife, Joan Bolzan, in the Daily Beast . He knew nothing of her, their two kids, or the business they ran. "Our marriage, our family, our life, deleted," writes Bolzan. Doctors initially thought the memories would return in time, but as it turns out, they're almost certainly gone for good.