Learned Helplessness. The Misconception: If you are in a bad situation, you will do whatever you can do to escape it. The Truth: If you feel like you aren’t in control of your destiny, you will give up and accept whatever situation you are in. In 1965, a scientist named Martin Seligman started shocking dogs. He was trying to expand on the research of Pavlov – the guy who could make dogs salivate when they heard a bell ring. Seligman wanted to head in the other direction, and when he rang his bell instead of providing food he zapped them with electricity. After they were conditioned, he put these dogs in a big box with a little fence dividing it into two halves.
You are just like these dogs. If, over the course of your life, you have experienced crushing defeat or pummeling abuse or loss of control, you learn over time there is no escape, and if escape is offered, you will not act – you become a nihilist who trusts futility above optimism. Do you vote? Amazon | B&N | BAM | Indiebound | iTunes Links: The Dark Side of Self Improvement. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off. -Fight ClubTweet The total self-improvement industry in the United States was worth $10.53 billion in 2010. Once you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, then you develop some confidence. The will to grow beyond what we have mastered already is one of the great human drives. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
This root grows deep. We’re consumers. Let’s use the female beauty ideal as an example here since it so persuasive in the way we treat half of the worlds population. My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. I love this quote. In clinical psychology and positive psychology, self-acceptance is considered the prerequisite for change to occur. Shame has evolved to facilitate cohesion in a group. How to Win an Argument. This is a follow-up to the recent Dealing With Difficult Relatives post.
That original post sets the context for this article, so if you haven’t read the original article, you should definitely do that first. Otherwise, you won’t likely understand the context for this post. If you expect this will be an article about how to out-debate your co-workers, you’re coming at it from the wrong context. Read the original post first. How do you handle the situation where the other person continually sucks you into an argument that you never seem to be able to win? In a typical argument, each person tries to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. Of course, we all know what happens in the end — each person only ends up more entrenched in their views, regardless of who seems to deliver the most dominant argument. An argument cannot be won with resistance. The way to “win” an argument is to aim for a goal other than being right.
In other words, you don’t attack — ever. How to win Arguments - Dos, Don'ts and Sneaky Tactics. There is not much point in having brilliant ideas if we cannot persuade people of their value. Persuasive debaters can win arguments using the force of their reason and by the skillful deployment of many handy techniques. Here are some general dos and don’ts to help you win arguments together with some sneaky tactics to be aware of. Do: Stay calm. Even if you get passionate about your point you must stay cool and in command of your emotions. If you lose your temper – you lose.Use facts as evidence for your position. Facts are hard to refute so gather some pertinent data before the argument starts.
Don’t: Get personal. Low, sneaky ways that some people use to win arguments: Use punchy one-liners. Remember that an argument between two people is very different from a debate in front of an audience. How to Win an Argument.