Eric Anderson, Ph.D.: Is Cheating a Rational Choice? Despite the loosening of sexual restrictions in recent decades, open relationships and cheating remain highly stigmatized. However, focusing on the problem of cheating distracts us from focusing on the problem of monogamy. Long term sex with just one partner leads to less sexual desire for that partner, regardless of the strength of the emotional relationship. Those entering into their first serious romantic/sexual relationship are misled into thinking that monogamy is capable of providing a lifetime of sexual fulfillment. They believe that if they truly love their partners, they would not desire sex with others.
This, we are told, is because monogamy is healthy, proper, moral and natural. Conversely, anyone challenging this is socially stigmatized. My sociological research, combined with the work of psychologists, biologist, anthropologists, and even endocrinologists, suggests that monogamy is an uneasy fit for human beings. Beyond Sluts and Prudes « Love is Infinite. (Yes, I’m aware this is an interesting follow-on to ‘It’s Not All About The Sex!’ But hey, what the hell. Let’s talk about the sex!
Or rather, let’s talk about people’s attitudes to the sex.) When people want to attack me for being polyamorous (or bisexual, for that matter,) invariably the first thing they come up with is “OMG, you SLUT!” Firstly, I can reasonably assume that if somebody is calling me a slut, they’re attempting to insult me. I hardly think they mean Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy’s alternative definition  of the word. And what gives someone else the right to throw slurs around because of my choice of lifestyle? The most obvious response to being called a slut is ‘no, I’m not,’ but that really doesn’t tackle the underlying issues here.
Slut is thrown around as an insult because it’s often seen as one of the worst things a person (specifically a woman) can possibly be. So I say no, don’t label me – don’t stick my sexuality into one of your narrow little boxes. Like this: Love and Marriage | | PolyticalPolytical. I just registered my intent to marry my partner in the UK, coincidently around the time when the state I used to live in, North Carolina, banned same sex marriage in the state via Amendment One. In addition, I’m attending the wedding this weekend of two good friends who are poly. I’m reminded of how lucky I am not only to be able to legally marry in this country, and thus get the opportunity to stay in the UK, but I’m also reminded of why all of the “Congratulations!” Given to me because of my marriage makes me hesitant to be pleased.
One might assume looking at me that my fervour for marriage is gone because I’m poly; because if I can’t marry all of my partners than I won’t be happy. But the truth is, I don’t want to marry ANY of my partners. I have zero interest in the institution of marriage. I want to stay with my partner and stay in the UK. My mother is a lesbian.
My mother would luckily later break from a pattern of male abusers and find someone who didn’t treat her like crap. Ten Thousand. _ldep9iadk41qzdi59o1_500.png (347×700) More on raising children in a poly home. The most powerful part of last Friday's ABC "20/20" profile of an extended polyfamily network was, for me, the parents describing the benefits that their intimate community has for parenting and for the kids, and the 7-year-old saying her piece. Explaining your multi-loving life to your children, and representing yourself as a good parent to the world if you're out — or fearing discovery by way of your kids if you're closeted — is surely one of the most challenging aspects of being poly in these early years of the movement.
As a followup, here's a roundup of more on poly parenting: 1. Tara Shakti-Ma, a polyactivist who runs the Expansive Loving discussion group, recently described her own story of coming out to her children, and why she did it the way she did: 2. At the opposite end of the child-age spectrum, a poly parenting support group may be developing on the new-parent site "What to Expect" ("Pregnancy and parenting, every step of the way"). 3. 4. 5. Interview: Poly parenting. 6. 7.
I love watching her fall in love : polyamory. The weirdest mating habits of the animal kingdom, explained using humans. Open relationships: the people making it work. Three years ago, I met my fiance. He was fresh out of a 15-year relationship and concluded that a single partner was not what either of us needed. Though I cried when he told me this, I could just about envision a committed scenario without monogamy. So that's what we did. Like most open couples, we began with dozens of rules: who should call who when, what partners would be OK. But it quickly became clear that these attempts at control were aimed at avoiding jealousy, and that most negative feelings were not jealousy at all: they were my own fears – that he would leave me, or that I wasn't the epitome of sexuality in his eyes.
As I became more secure in the relationship, the rules faded away, leaving just one: no surprises, which means pre-scheduled dates and no sudden, "I just slept with Susie! " On my last date, a friend who knows my fiance came over to change my car headlight. We rarely see each other's partners; some people do it differently. Her family has no idea. The Alt.Polyamory Cultural FAQ. 1.) Poly Non-fiction For further information on books on this list, the Library of Congress is accessible on the Web at . An index of poly songs/poems/rants written by the inhabitants of alt.polyamory can be found at The links given in the listings are in association with Amazon.com, and provide ordering information and reviews of the materials.
Key to symbols: * indicates level of poly in piece ! Indicates poly friendliness of piece ***** !!!!! Deborah Anapol, "Love Without Limits" (see IRC listing under organizations) *** !!! Return to top of FAQ 2.) Key to symbols: * indicates level of poly in piece ! 3.) Links listed are to the Internet Movie Database . "Afterglow" (Julie Christie, Nick Nolte, Lara Flynn Boyle) Two couples and the relationship between them.
"Another Woman's Lipstick" (David Duchovny, Matt LaBlanc, Maryam d'Abo) "Bal Poussiire" (Ball in Staub) (Ball in the Dust) "Bandits" (Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Cate Blanchett) People of r/polyamory, I have but one question... Why? : polyamory. Three's company. John, Louise and Eric have a family that is a little complicated. John and Louise are legally married but have each other's permission to date other people, and John currently has a girlfriend. They also have one six-year-old son, and another 10-year-old son from John's previous marriage. Louise is also in a relationship with Eric, and the three of them formalized their triad in a commitment ceremony in 2010. Eric, in turn, has a 13-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. The three of them live in an East Side house with the six-year-old son and frequent visits from their other two children.
John, Louise and Eric practise polyamory, a form of ethical non-monogamy. Polyamory encompasses committed households of three or more partners. Vancouver supports an active polyamory subculture, with social gatherings and online discussion groups. "It just left us feeling a little empty," says John. The triad is also looking after three children.
Louise has a different perspective. Cecilia Bartoli - "Se tu m'ami" Polyamory and its surprisingly woman-friendly roots. Illustration by Mark Alan Stamaty. Recently I wrote about the many problems polygamy tends to cause across the world, including high crime rates resulting from young men confined to singledom because older men are hoarding wives, and the subjugation of teenage girls forced to marry because there simply aren’t enough women to go around. With few exceptions, such as among India’s Toda people, a pastoral tribe in which one woman sometimes married several brothers, polygamy almost always expresses itself as the marriage of one man to several women. In America, polygamy is associated with fundamentalist Mormon culture, and more specifically with its domineering leader Warren Jeffs and his sexual abuse of underage girls.
Libby Copeland is a writer in New York and a regular Slate contributor. Follow Historically, though, there’s been an exception to the rule about plural marriage being bad for women. Group marriages are hardly dream harems for the women at the helm. Challenging Challenges (part 1) | | PolyticalPolytical. We polyamorous and other ethically non-monogamous folks are used to being criticised, challenged and questioned about our love styles. It’s an inevitable part of being a member of a minority group, especially one which has had so little publicity until very recently. The majority of the population doesn’t understand the way we behave, nor the philosophies behind it.
So we are often faced with queries that can be tiring, frustrating and repetitive. You only have to look at some of the media appearances of polyamory that are turning up at ever more frequent intervals to see that the same questions crop up again and again. With that in mind, I thought I’d share some of the responses to common challenges and questions that I’ve come across again and again. It’s just excuse for sleeping around I’ve lost count of how many times people have dismissed polyamory as “just being a big slut,” or been told “oh, so it’s just sleeping around then.”
You’re young, it’s just a phase Sure, I’m pretty young. Gj2vp.jpg (720×540) Polyamory.jpg (500×625) The story of a woman raised by 4 moms | The Next Family. By: Kellen Kaiser I was raised by lesbians. Yeah, but nowadays, who wasn’t? Even if I’m a little older than most, having been born in 1981, my situation becomes more common by the day. So the more remarkable thing seems to be their sheer number. When I tell people I have four moms, the common reaction, outside of raised eyebrows, is an attempt to figure it out.
When I tell them an original three chose to parent together and then a fourth married in, I still can’t be sure they understand it. More hands to hold me, more bosoms to hug. As a child, I didn’t get away with much (too many eyes watching over me), but I did occasionally manage to pit them against each other. Even now, when I have a dilemma, I have four numbers to dial, calling each one until I get an answer, or the advice I was looking for. The nuclear family model is so ingrained in our culture. Do we choose our families? Doubt that really evens it out though. Love you Moms! hGRG1.jpg (600×461) Samiasma comics. Jealousy and polyamory « Atheist, polyamorous, skeptics.
Posted by shaunphilly in Culture and Society, Polyamory. Tags: compersion, envy, frubble, jealousy, monogamy, relationships trackback No! Just no.... One of the most cited reasons that people are not polyamorous, even if they are not against the idea in principle, is that they simply could not do it. They are too jealous. But jealousy is not a sufficient reason to not be polyamorous. Not being polyamorous for this reason is simply a way to avoid dealing with the problem of jealousy. Ever listen to love songs on the radio? Jealousy, whether in the form of competition, possessiveness, or destruction of property is a part of our culture.
But it often is near the core of love in our culture. 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me. and it gets better two verses later! See, god loves us, but if we were to cast a casual glance to some other god, he would smite us. Jealousy as a bad thing The problem is that people don’t see jealousy as a bad thing. Bullshit! We can do better than that. Nonmonogamy2.5.gif (1500×1186) High Functioning Polyamory « Atheist, polyamorous, skeptics. Posted by Gina in Polyamory. Trackback Three years ago, before Wes and I were officially engaged (though we had been planning on getting married for most of the time we had been together), we went to an Outback Steakhouse and ended up having a very interesting conversation. I always mention that we were at Outback when we had this conversation because I find it hilarious. If these blogs start getting a lot of attention, I think we should pitch some sort of advertising campaign in collaboration with them.
Imagine it: It could be a campaign advertising that Outback is a great choice for date nights for couples of all types. The conversation resulted in both of us agreeing that logically and rationally, non-monogamy was a prudent choice for us. I’ll fully admit that this was not easy for me when we actually started practicing a non-monogamous lifestyle. When we first made this decision together, I had an undefined vision of a successful future. In October 2010, Wes met Jessie. Like this: Polyamory, Fidelity and Faithfulness By Jimmy Holloway @YoungMrHolloway. Poly-Baiting: Why We Need a More Inclusive LGBTQ Movement | Equal Writes. Does marriage really make people happier? Study finds few well-being advantages to marriage over cohabitation. A new study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family reveals that married couples experience few advantages for psychological well-being, health, or social ties compared to unmarried couples who live together.
While both marriage and cohabitation provide benefits over being single, these reduce over time following a honeymoon period. "Marriage has long been an important social institution, but in recent decades western societies have experienced increases in cohabitation, before or instead of marriage, and increases in children born outside of marriage," said Dr Kelly Musick, Associate Professor of policy analysis and management at Cornell University's College of Human Ecology. "These changes have blurred the boundaries of marriage, leading to questions about what difference marriage makes in comparison to alternatives.
" Marriage and cohabitation both resulted in less contact with parents and friends compared to remaining single, and these effects appeared to persist over time. Newt Gingrich case prompts (some) excellent non-monogamy coverage. The Newt Gingrich open-marriage story is creating a huge public opportunity to talk about, in pointed contrast, ethical and successful non-monogamy. The Polyamory Leadership Network (PLN) is buzzing right now about all the coverage and opportunities. For instance, Sarah Taub and Michael Rios got themselves into a press release put out by the Institute for Public Accuracy, which promises reporters "reliable independent sources for breaking news": "Open Marriage"? As a result of this, Sarah and Michael got booked for a radio talk show: at KSCO in Santa Cruz, CA, for two whole hours. Meanwhile, much bigger fish are frying. Is it possible to have a happy open marriage? Read the whole article (Jan. 20, 2012).
The New York Times site quickly put up a remarkable collection of eight articles on open relationships (January 20) in a pro-con debate format — though only two could be construed to say that open marriage is always bad news. One of the articles is by Dan Savage. Read the Whole article. Voters Prefer Newt Gingrich's Adultery to Open Marriage - Room for Debate. My favorite moment in Thursday night's G.O.P. debate: Newt Gingrich angrily denying his second ex-wife’s account of the end of their marriage — “Let me be quite clear: The story is false!” — and the socially conservative South Carolinians in the hall rewarding the former speaker of the House with sustained applause. Marianne Gingrich's accusation shows that an honest open relationship is more scandalous than a dishonest adulterous relationship.
Let me be quite clear: Newt Gingrich wasn't denying that he had a six-year-long adulterous relationship with a Congressional staffer, a woman 20 years his junior, an affair that he conducted while overseeing the impeachment of Bill Clinton after his affair with a White House intern. Gingrich’s affair with a Congressional staffer is a long-acknowledged fact.
That former Congressional staffer was sitting in the audience last night: her name is Callista, she’s the third Mrs. All Gingrich was denying with that “false!” Our successful open marriage - Coupling. How not to do non-monogamy | What Would JT Do? Why I'm on the Poly Soapbox | Modern Poly. Conservative fear: "The Mainstreaming of Polyamory" My wife has a crush on her MOH (UPDATE) : polyamory. _lu1rh3q6a21r5iiilo1_500.jpg (499×700) KfUim.png (651×2161) Polyamorous woman Jaiya Ma has baby with lover while living with boyfriend. Sex by Numbers.