This was a powerful lesson for me. As a good student and a perfectionist, I've spent a lot of time in life being hard on myself for not living up to expectations—mine or someone else's.
Then I embraced the idea that everyone is allowed to renegotiate their commitments on an ongoing basis, with themselves and others. This allows me to work with setbacks and stay focused without the heaps of self-judgment I used to rely on for motivation.
Think of it this way: it might feel terrible and stressful if you can't pay your phone bill on time. Maybe you had an emergency or some other unexpected expense. You might tell yourself that you're failing as a provider, and you might be angry with yourself or think it's not fair. The phone company is almost always willing to renegotiate. Give them a call and set up a payment plan or ask for a onetime extension.
This process can apply broadly in your life. Missed your exercise goal this week? Renegotiate! Morning routine creating stress for everyone? Renegotiate as a family and try something new. Keep yourself honest, but don't punish yourself Synthetic Gloves. That's counterproductive PE Gloves. One last thing. Whether or not you can change your situation directly, and whether or not you're beginning to have a handle on making the profound lifestyle changes in this book, I want to remind you of the single most powerful way to change your relationship to stress: be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes.
We all fall short of our goals at times. When this happens, remember that you are a human being. Pain, suffering, and difficulty are all part of what it is to live a human life—as are joy, connection, and love. You can take personal responsibility for any mistake you make without sinking into shame and blame, and then let it go. Acceptance is key, and self-forgiveness is powerful medicine. Lighten your load. Your body and mind will thank you.
Keep It Simple Review Find your stress sweet spot and practice rebalancing over and over again as new situations arise. Support yourself by practicing mindfulness and meditation. Pay attention to the other spokes of the lifestyle medicine wheel: eating, exercise, sleep, and connection. When you have control over a situation, take small steps to minimize stress.
When you don't have control, remember that you always get to choose your reaction and your perspective, no matter what. Be kind to yourself—especially when you fall short of your goals. Gratitude List Gratitude is one of life's amazing gifts, and there is even evidence to suggest it has real physical effects on the body.
A psychology experiment conducted in 2003, for example, found that when one group of people was asked to write down the things they were grateful for and another group was asked to write down things that annoyed them or even that they felt neutral about, members of the gratitude group exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical complaints, and had a more optimistic outlook on life in general compared to those in the negatively focused group.