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I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation.
I’d like to begin by thanking the class marshals for inviting me here today. The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000. So I was reluctant to show up.
Thank you. Thank you very much. First of all, I’m facing a little bit of a conundrum here. My name is Stephen Colbert, but I actually play someone on television named Stephen Colbert, who looks like me, and who talks like me, but who says things with a straight face he doesn’t mean. And I’m not sure which one of us you invited to speak here today.
Good afternoon thank you for that beautiful award and for giving me a symbol of an animal that is one its way to extinction. I will find a prominent place in my garbage for that later on tonight. thank you very much. Friends Romans Countrymen, lend me your beers. I am honored that you chose me to help you celebrate your graduation today.