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Power of Language - I’m Sorry, I Don’t Know, I Can’t. Photo by Vanessa Paxton I find myself blurting out I don’t know as an instant answer to questions I don’t have immediate answers for. Lately, I’ve been noting how these simple words made me feel, and I’m starting to take notice that on some level, these casual words are effecting my emotions and self-esteem. Saying I don’t know, I’m sorry, I can’t and “I don’t want to but have to” are slowly changing my mindset.

Through my observations, I’ve noticed how common it is to use these popular phrases without giving them a second thought. Do you find yourself saying the words I’m sorry or I don’t know often? Did you know that this over-sighted language pattern is actually limiting our potential to happiness and ultimately getting what we want? Let’s have a closer look at each one and notice their effect in our internal mental space. Before diving in, let’s point out a few things about our unconscious mind. Our Hidden Gold Mine: The Unconscious Mind Okay, let’s dive in! I’m Sorry I Don’t Know [Part 1] How to detect bullshit. By Scott Berkun, August 9, 2006 Everyone lies: it’s just a question of how, when and why. From the relationship saving “yes, you do look thin in those pants” to the improbable “your table will be ready in 5 minutes”, manipulating the truth is part of the human condition. Accept it now. I’m positive that given our irrational nature and difficultly accepting tough truths, we’re collectively better off with some of our deceptions.

But lies, serious lies, should not be encouraged as they destroy trust, the binding force in all relationships. Why people BS: a primer The first lie in the Western canon comes from the same joyful tome as the first murders, wars and plagues: the Old Testament. To recap from the book of Genesis, God tells Adam and Eve not to eat fruit from the tree of knowledge, as pretty as it is, for they’ll die.

Please note that in this tale nearly everyone lied. People lie for three reasons; the first is to protect themselves. Ok, enough philosophy: lets get to detection. How to become a master connector. How to be good at socializing. Being socialable is a very easy thing to do, and it shouldn’t be something you’re either good at or not. You can learn to become a more social person – if you want to. Generally extroverts will have less trouble getting out and talking to new people, but that’s to be expected.

Don’t think, however, that outgoing people don’t make mistakes either. There are ways to make life easier while you’re out and about. To Do: Initiate conversation – A lot of people, while out, wait for other people to talk to them. It can be somewhat daunting at first because of fear of rejection or being shut down. Smile - If you look like you’re unhappy you’ll be less approachable. If you’re enjoying yourself, people will notice and want in on the action. Acknowledge randoms – This can be as simple as a smile and a nod. One of my favorite things to do while out is make friends with random people.

If you just came from work, for instance, loosen up. Then again, individuality goes a long way. The Don’ts: How to exit a conversation. We’ve talked about making yourself more approachable and initiating conversation. Now, hopefully, you’ve gone and got yourselves into some conversations you wish you hadn’t. There are 3 reasons you might stay in a conversation that you want to leave: You’re too polite – Many of us feel like it’s rude to leave someone alone after talking to them for a few minutes. It isn’t. People have things to do, and talking is just talking. As long as you excuse yourself politely, your exit will be comfortable. You’re afraid or lazy – Being in a conversation can be comforting and you might stick it out just because it’s easier than heading out on your own into the ‘unknown’.

You don’t know what else to do – Similar to the previous, this is counting on your lack of imagination. There are plenty of situations that call for different kinds of exits. At times it can be somewhat enjoyable giving someone the short end and letting them know how little you think of them. It ain’t all business! The fun way.