23 Popular Websites (10 Years from Now) Article. The 5 Creepiest Unsolved Crimes Nobody Can Explain. Dear Internet: We have to admit something -- we've been getting kinda cocky, recently. Whether we're explaining the phenomenon of alien abduction, debunking every textbook ever or doing some third thing, we've been spending a lot of time acting like we have all the answers. And it's started to go to our heads. But that all changes now. If unsolved mysteries are good enough for Oscar-winning actor Matthew McConaughey, then by golly, they're good enough for us. So, in apology for our hubris, please enjoy this Cracked Classic, as well as these similar articles about unsolved mysteries and also that one article where we solved a bunch of mysteries no one else could 'cause we're so smart and dammit, we're doing it again.
Please forgive us. There are unsolved crimes, and then there are the kind of creepy, "What the hell could possibly be going on here" capers that keep the cops, and anyone who hears about them, up at night. Here are the real cases that almost fall into X-Files territory: The 5 Most Unintentionally Gay Horror Movies. At some point, possibly in the 80s, Hollywood decided that a good horror movie needed to be built on a strong foundation of homoerotic subtext.
We're not saying it's a bad thing, this is 2009, after all. What we are saying is that their strenuous efforts to both cram in as much homoeroticism as possible, while avoiding actual gay characters or storylines, is the stuff unintentional comedy is made of. For example... Summary: A handsome young man is targeted by vampires. After moving to the flamboyant new town of Santa Carla, Michael falls in with a crowd of bad dudes after being attracted by the gang's sole female member, Star. Michael follows Star back to the vampires' lair, where the leader of the pack, David, tricks Michael into swallowing some of his bodily fluids. Pretty soon, Star is nowhere to be seen, and Michael demonstrates his loyalty to vampire-Jack Bauer by jumping off a bridge. That's Rob Lowe, folks. Best Quote: "My blood is in your veins! " Look, it was a different time. The 6 Creepiest Places on Earth.
It doesn't matter whether or not you believe in ghosts, there are some places in which none of us would want to spend a night. These places have well earned their reputations as being so creepy, tragic or mysterious (or all three) that they definitely qualify as "haunted. " Places like... Aokigahara is a woodland at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan that makes The Blair Witch Project forest look like Winnie the Pooh's Hundred Acre Wood. It probably has something to do with all the dead bodies scattered around. What Niagara Falls is to weddings, Aokigahara is to suicide. More than 500 fucking people have taken their own lives in Aokigahara since the 1950s. The trend has supposedly started after Seicho Matsumoto published his novel Kuroi Kaiju (Black Sea of Trees) where two of his characters commit suicide there. Also skulls. Besides bodies and homemade nooses, the area is littered with signs displaying such uplifting messages like "Life is a precious thing!
Winchester Mystery House Oh, bitch...! The 6 Creepiest Places on Earth (Part 2) In Cracked's continuous effort to make your local haunted house look like a boring pile of dog turds, we once again present the creepiest real places on Earth. Whether it's due to their bizarre histories, suspicious coincidences or good ol' human insanity, these are the locations even the die-hardest of atheists wouldn't venture into without a crucifix and a Super Soaker full of Pope-blessed water. Located smack in the middle of a swamp in the heart of Aztec country is the popular tourist destination La Isla de las Munecas, or Island of the Dolls, a name missing at least two adjectives and the word "fucking. " To get there, visitors have to hire a guide to take them by boat through the canals of Xochimilco, then to the island itself, all the while making the guide promise on a stack of Bibles that he's not going to abandon them once they reach their destination.
"Seriously, Pablo? We will haunt your ass. " Not that he'd do that, right? Oh. One that will cost tourists sleep for decades. The 6 Most Strangely Convincing Real-Life Curses. The world is full of bullshit "curses" that turn out to be retroactive prophecy or outright fabrication. But there are a few eerie coincidences out there that combine the truly inexplicable with creepy details that make you have to wonder ... Oetzi, or the Iceman as he is known, was discovered in the Alps between Austria and Italy back in 1991. In the 13 years that followed, seven people associated with his discovery died. In some cases, the deaths seem like your standard, run-of-the-mill demises, but four of them are creepily violent or odd enough to make the other three seem like maybe the 5,300 year old leather hunter may have a bone to pick with the people who unearthed him and then played Operation with his remains.
Oetzi: made of evil. The first death occurred in 1992 when Rainer Henn, the forensic pathologist who put Oetzi in a body bag with his bare hands, was killed in a car crash on his way to a world conference to discuss the Iceman. These gentlemen are presumably boned as well. 6 MORE Creepy Urban Legends (That Happen to be True) As we are fond of pointing out, fact is usually much creepier than fiction. So around this time of year we like to share some of the most gut-wrenchingly disturbing stories, the kind we would tell around the campfire if we ever actually went outside.
And most importantly, they're all true. Something Off About That Picture The Legend: A young man is dropping off groceries at the house of an eccentric old lady when he notices an old photo that makes the hair on his arms stand on end. "Oh," she replies, trying to stuff a cat in the dishwasher "isn't that beautiful?
The Truth: While most folks today are too squeamish to take more than a glance into the casket during a funeral, in the late 19th through early 20th centuries someone dying meant it was time to break out the camera for a family photo. And, while it all sounds like the set-up for some terrifying practical joke on the photographer, there was actually a somewhat reasonable explanation for the practice. The Corpse in the Carpet. 7 Creepy Urban Legends That Happen to be True (Part 4) Once again, it's that time of year when Cracked goes out our way to fact check the outlandish stories that allegedly happened to your friend's former roommate's cousin's girlfriend. As we've shown three times before, sometimes the stories that get told and retold around a flashlight at slumber parties aren't as full of shit as we might've hoped.
The Legend: We've all gotten emails about tourists who are abducted or drugged, only to wake up with a ragged scar where one of their kidneys used to be. These kind of stories sound like good fodder for an Eli Roth movie, but they couldn't possibly be true, could they? Survey says "yes". The Truth: Tell that to Indian construction worker Mohammad Saleem, who thought he had just lucked into a new, higher paying job working construction in New Dehli. Admittedly, we learned everything we know about India from Slumdog Millionaire.
Unfortunately for Saleem, his new employers never showed up. Saleem wasn't the only victim either. Getcha' kidney! Ew. 6 MORE Creepy Urban Legends (That Happen to be True) 11 Bad-Good Horror Movies You Need To See.