How Traditional Parenting Is Harming Children ... And Benefiting Conservative Ideology Photo Credit: PathDoc/Shutterstock.com May 8, 2014 | Like this article? Join our email list: Stay up to date with the latest headlines via email. From The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom About Children and Parenting by Alfie Kohn. When you hear someone insist, “Children need more than intelligence to succeed,” the traits they’re encouraged to acquire, as I’ve mentioned, are more likely to include self-discipline than empathy. But what if it turned out that persistence or an inclination to delay gratification was mostly predicted by the situations in which people find themselves and the nature of the tasks they’re asked to perform? the ability to defer immediate gratification. Similarly, other experts have argued that it may make more sense to think of self-control in general as “a situational concept, not an individual trait” in light of the fact that any individual “will display different degrees of self-control in different situations.”
How Long It Takes to Form a New Habit by Maria Popova Why magic numbers always require a grain of empirical salt. “We are what we repeatedly do,” Aristotle proclaimed. “Could the young but realize how soon they will become mere walking bundles of habits, they would give more heed to their conduct while in the plastic state,” William James wrote. But how, exactly, do we rewire our habits once they have congealed into daily routines? When he became interested in how long it takes for us to form or change a habit, psychologist Jeremy Dean found himself bombarded with the same magic answer from popular psychology websites and advice columns: 21 days. In a study carried out at University College London, 96 participants were asked to choose an everyday behavior that they wanted to turn into a habit. This notion of acting without thinking — known in science as “automaticity” — turns out, perhaps unsurprisingly, to be a central driver of habits. It’s like trying to run up a hill that starts out steep and gradually levels off.
12 Toxic Beliefs You Need Out of Your Mind What we can or can’t do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our strengths or intelligence. It’s often a function of our beliefs about who we are. “The drummer in our band, Nick, is legally deaf, and has been since he was born. But he can still hear low bass tones and feel the vibrations from the drums and other instruments. Honestly, he’s such an incredible drummer that most people don’t believe he’s deaf. Those inspiring lines come right out of a live chat conversation I had this morning with Amber, one of our newest course members (she gave me permission to share this with you here). Later on in our chat session, Amber said, “You know, I hate to admit it, but I envy Nick. “What voices,” I asked. “You know, the voices constantly telling me that I’m not good enough, that I don’t have enough, that it’s too late for me, that the naysayers are always right and I’m always wrong, and so forth,” she said. Reminder: Have you checked out our book? Afterthoughts
Sam Harris on the Paradox of Meditation and How to Stretch Our Capacity for Everyday Self-Transcendence Montaigne believed that meditation is the finest exercise of one’s mind and David Lynch uses it as an anchor of his creative integrity. Over the centuries, the ancient Eastern practice has had a variety of exports and permutations in the West, but at no point has it been more vital to our sanity and psychoemotional survival than amidst our current epidemic of hurrying and cult of productivity. It is remarkable how much we, as a culture, invest in the fitness of the body and how little, by and large, in the fitness of the spirit and the psyche — which is essentially what meditation provides. In Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion (public library), neuroscientist and philosopher Sam Harris argued that cultivating the art of presence is our greatest gateway to true happiness. Harris writes: We know that the self is a social construct and the dissolution of its illusion, Harris argues, is the most valuable gift of meditation:
Why We Stay In Crappy Situations (And How To Get Out Of Them) Change sucks. That’s why we stay in bad relationships, eat at the same restaurants, and take the same path to work every day. Humans like comfort, even when that comfort is uncomfortable. We’re creatures of habit, and breaking habits causes everything from anxiety, to depression, to eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. For example, I spent nine years in a relationship when I should have left after five. But, as we all know, change doesn’t happen overnight. Sure, we have growth spurts brought on by moments of clarity and the desire to stop playing small. Often, we grow in waves, a cycle known as evolutionary catharsis. So how does this work? Right before we have a growth spurt, many of us have a temporary feeling of discomfort. 1. Some hallmarks of this technique include: yelling compulsive behaviors sickness 2. Features of this trait include: depression withdrawal loss of appetite 3. Distractions can take many forms, including: any form of addiction dissociation watching a lot of television
Introverts -- Portrait of an Introvert People don’t outgrow introversion, so the introverted adult was once an introverted child. What is true of one is true of both. Contrary to popular opinion, introverts are not asocial, nor are they friendless loners who lack social skills. They simply have different social needs and preferences. Friendships Sebastian Pfuetze/Taxi/Getty Images It is not easy for introverts to make new friends because getting to know someone takes so much energy. Social Preferences Introverts need a lot of personal space. Preferred Activities Introverts enjoy activities they can do alone or with just a few others. Social Behavior Introverts tend to be quiet and subdued. Social Interaction While introverts may appear to lack social skills or be antisocial, neither is true. Verbal Expression If given a choice, introverts would rather express their ideas in writing than in speech. Emotions and Emotional Responses Introverts become emotionally drained after spending time with others, particularly strangers.
Are Limiting Beliefs Keeping You Trapped at Work? How many hours a week do you work? I know there are times when you’ve got to crush it, but I’m talking about regularly. Forty, fifty, sixty hours? Courtesy of iStock/baona One study I’ve seen says that most professionals actually work more than seventy, given how much time they address business communication on their smart phones. As far as I’m concerned, anything over 55 hours a week is too much. When I say that, I’m surprised at how many people object and say they don’t have a choice. When it comes to people in this predicament, I’ve never run across a situation where someone held a gun to their head. There are many reasons for why people feel stuck in these disempowering situations. They forget they have agency. When I speak about limiting beliefs, I usually tell people to flip the paradigm and replace them empowering truths. No one runs your life unless you let them. or upgrade to a self-hosted WordPress blog?
How Kindness Became Our Forbidden Pleasure by Maria Popova “We are never as kind as we want to be, but nothing outrages us more than people being unkind to us.” “Practice kindness all day to everybody and you will realize you’re already in heaven now,” Jack Kerouac wrote in a beautiful 1957 letter. Kindness has become “our forbidden pleasure.” So argue psychoanalyst Adam Phillips and historian Barbara Taylor in the plainly titled, tiny, enormously rewarding book On Kindness (public library). Illustration by Marianne Dubuc from 'The Lion and the Bird.' Taylor and Phillips write: The kind life — the life lived in instinctive sympathetic identification with the vulnerabilities and attractions of others — is the life we are more inclined to live, and indeed is the one we are often living without letting ourselves know that this is what we are doing. The most paradoxical part of the story is that for most of our civilizational history, we’ve seen ourselves as fundamentally kind and held kindness as a high ideal of personhood.
Do You Procrastinate? Maybe It's A Form Of Wisdom Procrastination can make us feel guilty, unproductive, riddled with failure. You know what it feels like and how it looks: Just one more round of checking social media. A spontaneous Netflix marathon. That closet that suddenly really needs to be organized. What if I told you that procrastination can be a form of wisdom? In an age of “instant” and “gotta-make-it-happen-now” productivity, our hesitation can (erroneously) be labeled as procrastination. Look, we all put things off. How can you actually benefit from your procrastination? 1. Are you hesitating because you doubt your abilities? 2. Ask yourself: What about these circumstances has me pausing? 3. Maybe you like the work you’re doing but not the client. Think about what you can change, quit, and delegate. When you examine your procrastination, you get clear. Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com We're thrilled to present revitalize, a two-day summit with wellness experts from around the world. Go