The Perfect Man and the Perfect Woman Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman survived. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling****. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen.
The Complete History of SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy These days Norm MacDonald is all over the place — he has a Comedy Central special, a Twitter feud with Steve Martin, a profile in the New York Times, and a new show that premieres tonight. So what better time to revisit one of his most hilarious achievements ever: creating the original Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy sketch, which is one of the funniest and most enduring in the show’s history. Here they are from start to finish. 1. December 7, 1996 Norm MacDonald (Burt Reynolds) Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond) Jerry Lewis (Martin Short) The first Celebrity Jeopardy sketch aired on December 7, 1996 with Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek, Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds, Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery, and host Martin Short as Jerry Lewis. 2. Unlike the first sketch, this one starts to integrate scoring and categories more into its humor. 3. 4. 5. 6. Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond) Calista Flockhart (Drew Barrymore) Nicolas Cage (Jimmy Fallon)
- StumbleUpon November 15, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Awesome, Pics (via) Hot Stories From Around The Web Other Awesome Stories Operating Systems Tech Support: "May I ask what operating system you are running today?"Customer: "A computer." A girl walked into the computer center where I work. She said she was having problems with her Mac. I asked what kind of Mac she had. In an indignant voice, she replied, "Duh, Intosh." Tech Support: "What operating system are you running? After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1. Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you running?" A kid in my class joined a conversation I was having about older computers. Him: "I have the oldest Windows ever at my house. Tech Support: "What operating system do you run?" Tech Support: "Do you know what operating system you're on?" Customer: "I don't use DOS. One time I had to walk a Windows 95 user through a particular procedure. Me: "First you need to open DOS-prompt. My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98." My Friend: "What's your operating system?" Friend: "I heard about this thing called 'Linux'." I went pale.
Barcode Yourself by Scott Blake - StumbleUpon Barcode Yourself is a complete, interactive experience in the series of barcode art, created using the personalized data of participants. Enter an individual's gender, weight, height, age and location, and the barcode is formed using real-world data. The individualized barcode can then be printed, mapped, scanned, even depicted on a t-shirt or coffee mug. It is in scanning a barcode that the project reveals its humor, like a banner that reads: Disclaimer! It is here, within the confines of an American obsession with "worth," in which the fun begins. The data entered into Barcode Yourself takes a topsy-turvy twist to its personalized end numbers, with the exception of the hard-data that correlates with "location," which tallies up in the Gross Domestic Product of each country. The calculation an individual's BMI based on the height and weight data reveals the health of an individual, thus those considered underweight or overweight are worth less money. More info in FAQ.
shitmydadsays (shitmydadsays) - shitmydadsays Justin Samuel Halpern was born in a tiny fishing village called “San Diego.” There he spent most of his life being yelled at by his father. Then he transcribed those things on a twitter page called “@shitmydadsays.” Then he wrote a book of the same name. Then he co-created a shitty TV show of the same name. Then, when he had exploited the success of someone else’s words as much as he possibly could, he started this site with his long time friend and conspiracy theorist, Ryan Walter. You can buy his first book, Shit My Dad Says HERE. Absolutely Genius Ideas - StumbleUpon data-original="images/genius/29.jpg" class="lazy image"/> data-original="images/genius/75.jpg" class="lazy image"/>
Unbelievable Guitarist Level 1 Congratulations! You leveled up, but you aren't logged in so we can't save your points. Login Sign Up Share9.8K Tweet79 Share95 Share25 Stumble7 Share10.1K 7126 Hypes | 1056 Bashes Unbelievable Guitarist Check out the incredible guitar skills demonstrated by 15 year old Ben Lapps. Hype Share9.8K icooptare Uploaded on Dec 20, 2011 Categories music Tags music, cool, old, unbelievable, guitarist, plays, 15-year-old-guitar-skills, guitar-skills, amazing-guitarist Share Email Embed Share10.1K Video Size: Show More Flag This Item Send by Firefeeder Guest 2 years ago Very impressive! Dude, why are you all of these? Personally, I think there's quite a few of you who seem easily impressed. my buddy's step-aunt makes $64 hourly on the internet. GjergjiNikolla 2 years ago Bravo !!!! Faaaantastic! Are you looking for one night stand? machine 2 years ago He's good. since when did Danica Patrick become a stage hand? Give me a fuckin break! Page 1 What's Hot Related Top Pictures Categories Videos sketch comedy Pictures More