10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make (Me Included) | Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis When I became a mom, I got lots of advice on how to love my child. But not until a few years ago did someone actually point out that loving a child means wanting what's best for them long-term. When my four daughters were young, long-term didn't resonate with me. Back then it was about survival, meeting daily needs and keeping my head above water. Now that my kids are maturing, however, the fog is lifting. I'm no longer a pledge of parenting, but rather an indoctrinated member. These days, I put more thought into long-term. A while back I came across some interesting articles and books that dig into what psychologists today are seeing: a rising number of 20-somethings who are depressed and don't know why. One reason given is that parents today are too quick to swoop in. One article mentions incoming college freshmen known to deans as "teacups" for their fragility in the face of minor problems. Here's psychiatrist Paul Bohn's response, as paraphrased in the piece: Like Us On Facebook |
The Trouble With Bright Girls Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. We are routinely underestimated, underutilized, and even underpaid. Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers. But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within. Chances are good that if you are a successful professional today, you were a pretty bright fifth grade girl. She found that bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up--and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. Why does this happen? How do girls and boys develop these different views? Boys, on the other hand, are a handful.
The Rules Making sense of race and privilege By Lawrence Otis Graham ’83 Published in the October 8, 2014, issue Michael Falco/Black Star Lawrence Otis Graham ’83 I knew the day would come, but I didn’t know how it would happen, where I would be, or how I would respond. It is the moment that every black parent fears: the day their child is called a nigger. My wife and I, both African-Americans, constitute one of those Type A couples with Ivy League undergraduate and graduate degrees, who, for many years, believed that if we worked hard and maintained great jobs, we could insulate our children from the blatant manifestations of bigotry that we experienced as children in the 1960s and ’70s. But it happened nevertheless in July, when I was 100 miles away. Family photo: Christine Butler The Graham family at home “Are you the only nigger at Mellon Academy*?” Certain that he had not heard them correctly, my son moved closer to the curb, and asked politely, “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear you ... ” My son froze. Dr.
Dog ETA: 3 Quick Ways to Assess Friendliness Walking in a local park yesterday with a client and her sweet pup, a dog came toward us.The two dogs met and had a happy, mutual exchange. Another dog headed our way; I instantly nixed any contact using my simple Dog ETA assessment. ETA = Estimated Time to Aggression. Actually, it stands for Eyes, Tail and Alignment. There are lots of subtleties and exceptions but this how I make real-life decisions. Eyes Staring ain’t caring. The dog pictured here is showing ETA posture I avoid See how intently this dog is staring? This is not a dog I would allow Pip to greet. I hope the Dog ETA allows you to enjoy your dog walks more and feel more confident about your choices. Pat your dog for me. *This is NOT a breed thing. Related: Protection from Loose Dogs: What I Carry
The 8 Secrets of Dutch Kids, the Happiest Kids in the World - Finding Dutchland According to Unicef’s most recent Child Well Being in Rich Countries survey, Dutch kids ranked as the happiest kids in the world. Dutch kids led the way in three out of the five categories, namely- material well being, educational well being, and behavior and risks. Unicef Germany isn’t the first research organization to come to this conclusion. Why exactly are Dutch kids the happiest in the world? 1. It shouldn’t be surprising that the happiest kids in the world also have parents who are also among the happiest people in the world. 2. Dutch psychologist and journalist Ellen de Bruin has written a book titled “Dutch Women Don’t Get Depressed” illustrating the phenomenon. Unlike their American counterparts and the rest of women in the world, glamour, hospitality and charm do not rank high in a Dutch woman’s priority list. Perhaps a main factor why Dutch women don’t get depressed is that they’ve found the perfect work-life balance. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
Without Janitors, Students Are In Charge Of Keeping School Shipshape : NPR Ed Back in 2011, Newt Gingrich was running for president, and he proposed a radical idea to help schools cut costs: Fire the janitors and pay students to do the cleaning. Needless to say, the idea to turn students into moonlighting janitors had about as much support as Gingrich's presidential campaign. But ask Kim De Costa and she'll say there isn't anything radical about asking students to clean up after themselves. De Costa is the executive director of the Armadillo Technical Institute. For 30 minutes after lunch, students sweep, mop, take out the trash and even clean the bathrooms — but responsibilities rotate so no one is stuck scrubbing toilets more than two or three times a year. De Costa says it's easy to encourage students to respect their environment when they're the ones responsible for preserving it. "We really wanted a school where the students took ownership and made it their own," says De Costa, who helped found ATI in 1999. UNESC0/You Tube YouTube Many Hands Make Light Work
How cultures around the world think about parenting The crisis of American parenting, as anyone who has looked at the parenting section of a bookstore can attest, is that nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. Yet despite this lack of confidence and apparent absence of knowledge, many American parents zealously believe that their choices carve out their children’s futures. Indeed, they seek the advice of expert after expert in the field in order to succeed at one goal: to raise the happiest, the most successful, and the most well-adjusted leaders of the future. But what dangers lay in thinking that there is one “right” way to parent? “Americans have no script,” says Jennifer Senior (TED Talk: For parents, happiness is a very high bar), author of All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. In reporting her book, says Senior, when she asked mothers who they went to for parenting advice, they named friends, websites and books. Norwegians believe that it is better for children to be in daycare as toddlers. Craziness?
EarBeater - Ear Training for Musicians The One Conversation That Could Save Your Teen’s Life (and Your Own) Last week I told my therapist that even though I’m too busy, I continue to say yes to new responsibilities. In my head, I mean nope – but I say okay, because I feel on the spot. I panic. Every time. She and I talked about how in the absence of a plan, even intelligent humans don’t know what to say under pressure. Yesterday I was on the phone with a friend whose teen daughter is one of my favorite people on Earth. You know, Just Say No sounds good in theory. My friend and I talked about this fact: Yes, we spend hours talking to our kids about WHY to say No, but we don’t tell them HOW to say no. When our babies are little, we help them understand and navigate their world by giving them language. So my husband and I sat down with our ‘tween and we talked about how he was going to be put in LOTS of awkward situations in the coming years. Here are some we decided upon together: When you notice a lonely kid: Hey! When someone offers you a beer: No, thanks.
Cebu kid inspires netizens (UPDATED) Under the lights of a nearby fast food restaurant, the young boy diligently works on his homework MANILA, Philippines (UPDATED) – A photo of a child studying outside a fast food restaurant is currently making its rounds on social media. Nine-year-old Daniel Cabrera was pictured while sitting on his legs, a look of concentration on his face as he writes on an open book. He was using a wooden bench as a makeshift table along the sidewalk beside a Mcdonald's branch in the Mandaue Reclamation Area. Joyce Torrefranca took Daniel's picture on Tuesday night, June 23, and posted it on her Facebook account. Torrefranca is a student at Cebu Doctors' University. "As a student, it gave me an inspiration to work harder. "I hope that this kid will inspire millions of people," she said. WONDER BOY. “I was able to talk to this kid moments after Joyce took this snapshot,” commented Giomen Probert Ladra Alayon on Torrefranca’s post. “Nagstudy siya ug English. (Daniel wants to get a toy.
Age-Appropriate Chores for Children | Flanders Family Parents often ask us about our philosophy on children’s chores, but we’ve found that what many of them are really looking for is some idea of what sorts of chores their child might be expected to do at what ages. So to that end, I’ve created this little [free printable] chart, available in English, as well as Spanish and Italian. Of course, every child is different, but most kids are capable of doing far more than parents require of them. - Abigail Van Buren [Click Image to Download] Teaching your child to do any chore may initially take more time than just doing the chore yourself. Also remember that working side-by-side — or at least in the same corner of the house or yard — is good for camaraderie and morale, as is putting on some lively music to work by. Looking for more free charts, lists, graphs, and organizational ideas? Like this: Like Loading...
My Rules for My Kids: Eat Your Vegetables; Don't Blame the Teacher My wife and I had 12 children over the course of 15 and a half years. Today, our oldest is 37 and our youngest is 22. I have always had a very prosperous job and enough money to give my kids almost anything. But my wife and I decided not to. I will share with you the things that we did, but first let me tell you the results: All 12 of my children have college degrees (or are in school), and we as parents did not pay for it. We raised our family in Utah, Florida, and California; my wife and I now live in Colorado. Here’s what we did right (we got plenty wrong, too, but that’s another list): Chores Kids had to perform chores from age 3. Study Time Education was very important in our family. We had study time from 6 pm to 8 pm every week day. Picky Eaters Not Allowed We all ate dinner and breakfast together. Extracurriculars All kids had to play some kind of sport. Independence When the kids turned 16, we bought each a car. In It Together We required the children to help each other. The Real World