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Margaret Heffernan: Dare to disagree

Margaret Heffernan: Dare to disagree
Related:  self - development

It’s a matter of trust When Billy Joel wrote the lyrics to It’s a Matter of Trust, he probably wasn’t thinking about the Finnish education system. Yet the more I read the literature on high performing systems, I am convinced that trust is at the core of the cultural change needed to reshape schooling. It’s not new nor is it rocket science. Michael Fullan says that you build trust through behaviour. John Hattie tells us that the ability for teachers to develop trust within the classroom is key to making students feel OK about making mistakes and asking questions. In Visible Learning, the highest “effect sizes within teacher student relationship came from empathy, warmth and encouragement of higher order thinking.” As noble a calling as teaching is, the profession has been tarnished by a lack of trust, suspicion of teachers’ work and a top down approach to school improvement. What differentiates high performing systems from others is trust. We trust our teachers. Where does trust begin?

Conflict Strategies for Nice People Do you value friendly relations with your colleagues? Are you proud of being a nice person who would never pick a fight? Unfortunately, you might be just as responsible for group dysfunction as your more combative team members. That’s because it’s a problem when you shy away from open, healthy conflict about the issues. If you think you’re “taking one for the team” by not rocking the boat, you’re deluding yourself. Teams need conflict to function effectively. Still, I meet people every day who admit that they aren’t comfortable with conflict. Sure, pulling your punches might help you maintain your self-image as a nice person, but you do so at the cost of getting your alternative perspective on the table; at the cost of challenging faulty assumptions; and at the cost of highlighting hidden risks. To overcome these problems, we need a new definition of nice. The secret of having healthy conflict and maintaining your self-image as a nice person is all in the mindset and the delivery. 1. 2.

Habit Hack: The Science Behind How A Habit Is Formed “Starting next month, I will run three times a week” “After Christmas, I will only eat ice cream once a week maximum” How many of you have tried to start a new habit and failed? Forming a new habit is not an easy task, yet we all know that in order to improve ourselves, creating a new habit (or breaking a bad one) is crucial and unavoidable. As people who love to learn new ways to “hack” our lives, i believe that we need to break down the mechanic of how a habit is created in order to successfully create a new habit. Charles Duhigg (a Pulifzer-prize winning reporter) wrote a very good book that breaks down the mechanics of habit creation, it is titled “The Power of Habit” (Published in 2012). He argues that habit creation involves three components: 1. The cue is the trigger behind the behavior. What do you do next? The reward is, you get a feeling of relief / satisfaction (and no more anxiety), because you are no longer curious who send the email and what is the email about. A. B.

How to Criticize with Kindness: Philosopher Daniel Dennett on the Four Steps to Arguing Intelligently By Maria Popova / brainpickings.org “Just how charitable are you supposed to be when criticizing the views of an opponent?” “In disputes upon moral or scientific points,” Arthur Martine counseled in his magnificent 1866 guide to the art of conversation, “let your aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.” Daniel Dennett (b. In Intuition Pumps and Other Tools for Thinking (public library) — the same fantastic volume that gave us Dennett on the dignity and art-science of making mistakes — he offers what he calls “the best antidote [for the] tendency to caricature one’s opponent”: a list of rules formulated decades ago by the legendary social psychologist and game theorist Anatol Rapoport, best-known for originating the famous tit-of-tat strategy of game theory. If only the same code of conduct could be applied to critical commentary online, particularly to the indelible inferno of comments.

Terese Weinstein Katz, PhD - The Self-Compassion Diet: Gentleness, Not Self-Flagellation How we beat ourselves up for that brownie or pizza slice! Once we’ve lost control or overdone it, forget about self-care and serenity. But research keeps confirming some ancient wisdom when it comes to eating better. Gentleness, being kind to oneself, paves a better path to success than self-flagellation. One study asked dieters to go easy on themselves in the face of eating preferred candy. Eaters first rated as “highly restrictive” ate less after hearing a self-compassion message than those who did not. While those of us interested in mindfulness and eating behavior may have found this work striking, it didn’t venture far beyond the mindfulness literature. How could we have gotten this so wrong? Consider what might really be happening, though. Also, those negative thoughts and feelings do clutter the mind. Dr. , notes that self-compassion increases motivation, contrary to the idea that we’ll whip ourselves into shape with self-criticism.

Make the Other Side Negotiate Against Themselves to Strike Good Deals Vulnerability Hangovers, Brené Brown & Finding Our Courage. “The vulnerability paradox: It’s the first thing I look for in you, and the last thing I want you to see in me.” ~ Brené Brown Once so powerless, it has become one of the most powerful words in the dictionary—and to my own life. For me, vulnerability used to be petrifying, and to this day it still has control over me. I get what Brené Brown calls the “vulnerability hangover” almost on the daily. Did I say too much at that party last night? Did I really just share all of that about myself on the internet? Luckily enough, I also find myself absorbed in vulnerable people. I love to watch the wave of relief wash over them when they realize that, I too, am feeling just as exposed as they are. Because I travel so much, I’m constantly in awe of finding delicate humans like this in all corners of the world and realizing I am not alone. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. They project this fake persona out into the world to avoid being rejected. And that is what I live for.

How to Disagree By Paul Graham / paulgraham.com The web is turning writing into a conversation. Twenty years ago, writers wrote and readers read. The web lets readers respond, and increasingly they do—in comment threads, on forums, and in their own blog posts. Many who respond to something disagree with it. The result is there's a lot more disagreeing going on, especially measured by the word. If we're all going to be disagreeing more, we should be careful to do it well. DH0. This is the lowest form of disagreement, and probably also the most common. u r a fag!!!!!!!!!! But it's important to realize that more articulate name-calling has just as little weight. The author is a self-important dilettante. is really nothing more than a pretentious version of "u r a fag." DH1. An ad hominem attack is not quite as weak as mere name-calling. Of course he would say that. This wouldn't refute the author's argument, but it may at least be relevant to the case. DH2. DH3. Contradiction can sometimes have some weight.

6 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Toxic People Life can be pretty stressful at times. We have bills, appointments, overfilled schedules, and random unfortunate events which we have no control over. Then there’s the icing on the cake…toxic people. For many of us, we deal with toxic people on a daily basis and they can be difficult to avoid. Navigating around a toxic person or their conversations is a tedious skill, but a few people have mastered it. They are known as emotionally intelligent. Of course, it is never easy to deal with a toxic person. If you want to know how to have the upper hand when dealing with a toxic person, take it from someone who has experience. Here are 6 ways emotionally intelligent people deal with toxic people: 1. The most important thing you can do for yourself, is not participate in the madness. 2. It is essential to set boundaries. Emotionally intelligent people know that it is impossible to please everyone, and that it is okay to say ‘no.’ 3. 4. 5. 6. By Raven Fon

Malcolm Gladwell on Criticism, Tolerance, and Changing Your Mind by Maria Popova “That’s your responsibility as a person, as a human being — to constantly be updating your positions on as many things as possible. And if you don’t contradict yourself on a regular basis, then you’re not thinking.” At a recent event from the New York Public Library’s wonderful LIVE from the NYPL series, interviewer extraordinaire Paul Holdengräber sat down with Malcolm Gladwell — author of such bestselling books as The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference (public library), Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (public library), Outliers: The Story of Success (public library), and his most recent, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants (public library) — to reflect on his career, discuss the aspects of culture that invigorate him with creative restlessness, and update his 7-word autobiography. What we call tolerance in this country, and pat ourselves on the back for, is the lamest kind of tolerance.

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